How Do Children Change a Marriage?

You know becoming a parent will change your life forever—but how does it impact your marriage? How do you divide responsibilities… and stay sane? Kelly and Emily lay it out.

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There are 8 comments.

  1. Patrick McClure Member

    “First time I will not be working “, ha, ha, ha. I’m a man, and the idea that being post partum is not working is absolutely hilarious. 

    • #1
    • June 20, 2019, at 10:36 AM PDT
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  2. Full Size Tabby Member

    I’m one of your male old geezer listeners, but have a daughter your age with a two year old boy and a girl due mid-August.

    As to some of the changes in interests and desires, particularly the professional ones Emily mentioned (long campaign trips, odd sleeping and eating, etc. – you are a different age than you were 4, 8, or 12 years ago. Even if you had not gotten married and were not carrying twins, your interests and what hardships you are willing to deal with for what rewards are going to be different as you’re in your early 30’s than they were when you were in your mid 20’s. And they will be different again when you’re 40 or 50 or 60. Changing interests and priorities isn’t entirely due to the babies. 

    I understand the desire that your role as “mother” not become your entire identity. But it will inevitably be a major part of your identity for the rest of your life. You will be the babies’ mother long after every politician and political policy you worked for has vanished from the public eye. Nonetheless, it is important that you have roles beyond “mother.” Your husbands are particularly important for this – they should be treating you as more than mother of their children. In fact, the best gift you can give your children is to maintain a solid marriage. 

    Yes, you and your husband should go out for dinner or other couple activity before the babies arrive. It will be harder to do that after they arrive. And Kelly, we (Mrs. Tabby and I) took our daughter out for dinner (she liked to eat at restaurants even at 2.5 years old) and Mrs. Tabby went into labor with our son the very next morning. We were happy our daughter had that one last time out as an only child. She was unhappy with her brother’s arrival the next morning though because it meant she had to miss Sunday School. Thereafter though she got Mom (Mrs. Tabby) to read lots of books to her while nursing little brother. 

    (By the way, I hope we hear some baby background noises in future episodes. I enjoyed Altima’s gurgling on past LadyBrains episodes. But it is not necessary to repeat @bethanymandel ‘s tweeting from the side of the road as she was giving birth. We can wait a while.)

    See, I kept listening even after you said you weren’t going to talk about sex. :-)

    • #2
    • June 21, 2019, at 11:12 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  3. Full Size Tabby Member

    Patrick McClure (View Comment):

    “First time I will not be working “, ha, ha, ha. I’m a man, and the idea that being post partum is not working is absolutely hilarious.

    I learned the response I was supposed to give when asked if my wife worked was, “She is not in the paid labor force.”

    Mrs. Tabby has been out of the paid labor force since our first child was born. But “stay-at-home-mother” also didn’t fit, as (at least after the first year or so) they (Mrs. Tabby and our children) were often not at home. They were off doing things with friends, having play-dates at each others’ homes, etc. As the children entered school Mrs. Tabby was an active school classroom volunteer.

    • #3
    • June 21, 2019, at 11:20 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  4. colleenb Member

    I love that the gentlemen (@patrick mcclure and @fullsizetabby) are the ones making the comments. Thanks for the input!

    • #4
    • June 21, 2019, at 12:52 PM PDT
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  5. Stad Thatcher

    I have to agree with the comment (Kelly?) about a couple saying they’re “pregnant” or “we’re pregnant”. No, both of you aren’t pregnant – the woman is. You both are expecting, but Sir, you are not pregnant!

    A woman doesn’t lose her identity after having a baby; she gains a new one called “mother”, and it’s powerful . . .

    • #5
    • June 23, 2019, at 3:36 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  6. Stad Thatcher

    BTW, my wife and I were driving back home from a vacation. We had just finished listening to this LadyBrains podcast, when she saw this item on Twitter (I hope I copied the link right):

    https://twitter.com/bethanyshondark/status/1142881850303623170

    • #6
    • June 23, 2019, at 3:47 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  7. colleenb Member

    @Stad: my husband so agrees with you. Men do not get pregnant. “We” are not pregnant. He hates those phrases! And thanks for the update on Ricochet’s own Bethany.

    • #7
    • June 25, 2019, at 3:53 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  8. Stad Thatcher

    colleenb (View Comment):
    And thanks for the update on Ricochet’s own Bethany.

    You’re welcome! I hope @bethanymandel is on the next LadyBrains podcast . . .

    • #8
    • June 25, 2019, at 6:59 AM PDT
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