Why I Called Off My Wedding

With just a month to go before the big day.

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There are 47 comments.

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  1. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Stad (View Comment):
    Maybe Ed should appear on the podcast to give his side. Or would it turn out to be too brutal? Overall, it sounds as if he’s a great guy, but the marriage just wasn’t going to work. I’ve been on the “Ed” side of the equation before, and it’s one more unpleasant part of life we have to deal with.

    Ed should run away from this situation as fast as possible.

    • #31
  2. ToryWarWriter Thatcher
    ToryWarWriter
    @ToryWarWriter

    I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.

    • #32
  3. filmklassik Member
    filmklassik
    @filmklassik

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.

    He’ll be listening to this one.

    • #33
  4. DJ EJ Member
    DJ EJ
    @DJEJ

    Thinking about it more and reading other members’ comments, I have to agree that there are parts of this podcast that should not have been recorded for general consumption. It started out well, but once his name was mentioned and the discussion concerning his qualities as a man occurred, details that should have remained private became public. Hence my earlier comment about feeling like I’ve been eavesdropping, I shouldn’t know those things about someone I’ve never met, told to me by three other people I’ve never met (which is a big part of why I avoid and don’t like reality television). Were I to meet him, I would want to judge him based on his character, how he treated me, and what I observed of how he treated other people, without any negative preconceptions clouding the interaction. Everyone deserves that respect.

    • #34
  5. Jeff Hawkins Coolidge
    Jeff Hawkins
    @JeffHawkins

    filmklassik (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.

    He’ll be listening to this one.

    As someone who is probably a “weak man” I’m a bit torn on this.  It might embitter me to the point of also effecting other relationships (this one isn’t remaining friends no matter whatever pleasantries) but it might be enlightening depending on his disposition.

    I mean, I’d like to know, in theory, if other women think I’m weak.  On the other hand, at least when I was younger, I’d have used it as deflection and internalized into anger.

    • #35
  6. filmklassik Member
    filmklassik
    @filmklassik

    Time till this episode is taken down forever:

    10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

    • #36
  7. Judithann Campbell Member
    Judithann Campbell
    @

    Jeff Hawkins (View Comment):

    filmklassik (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.

    He’ll be listening to this one.

    As someone who is probably a “weak man” I’m a bit torn on this. It might embitter me to the point of also effecting other relationships (this one isn’t remaining friends no matter whatever pleasantries) but it might be enlightening depending on his disposition.

    I mean, I’d like to know, in theory, if other women think I’m weak. On the other hand, at least when I was younger, I’d have used it as deflection and internalized into anger.

    Constructive criticism should be given privately, and in most cases, only when asked for. What has been done to Ed is wrong.

    • #37
  8. 4CuriousJohn Inactive
    4CuriousJohn
    @CuriousJohn

    Hard right. > easy wrong.       That’s a keeper.  However I’m not 100% in agreement with the not live together part.  I believe it allowed you to come to this hard right.  Not sure you would have seen the issue if you hadn’t.

    • #38
  9. 4CuriousJohn Inactive
    4CuriousJohn
    @CuriousJohn

    Katesimp (View Comment):
    This was an interesting episode and obviously you did the right thing. It was hard and you should be commended for that. But, I have to say, the tenor of this bugged me a bit. For you to imply that your ex was a weak man and for your friends to imply that he was not good enough for you in such a public way…

    Look, the problem, as you readily admit several times, is that you weren’t passionate about this guy, and you hadn’t been in a while (maybe ever). He was a nice guy and he checked the boxes, but you weren’t really in love. That’s on you, and you did the right thing by breaking off the engagement. No need to add insult to injury by implying that he was weak or boring or not good enough.

    Yes, pull the trigger but remember it takes two in a relationship.  and it sounds as if he was trying, but you thought just not hard enough. I’m betting he’ll find his lid (to his pot) faster than your pot (to your lid).  But its not a race.  its life.

    • #39
  10. 4CuriousJohn Inactive
    4CuriousJohn
    @CuriousJohn

    Jeff Hawkins (View Comment):

    filmklassik (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.

    He’ll be listening to this one.

    As someone who is probably a “weak man” I’m a bit torn on this. It might embitter me to the point of also effecting other relationships (this one isn’t remaining friends no matter whatever pleasantries) but it might be enlightening depending on his disposition.

    I mean, I’d like to know, in theory, if other women think I’m weak. On the other hand, at least when I was younger, I’d have used it as deflection and internalized into anger.

    Remember when you were young and you couldn’t understand why the neighborhood girls always fell for the wrong guy vs. the nice guys in the group.   Speaking as one of the ‘nice’ ones.

    • #40
  11. Godzilla Member
    Godzilla
    @Godzilla

    4CuriousJohn (View Comment):
    Hard right. > easy wrong. That’s a keeper. However I’m not 100% in agreement with the not live together part. I believe it allowed you to come to this hard right. Not sure you would have seen the issue if you hadn’t.

    The data show that living together is positively correlated with divorce. It is generally not recommended for those who want to be married for life. Also, the accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage. That being said, there can be positive benefits from almost anything, even living together before marriage, but it is not a good bet.

    • #41
  12. 4CuriousJohn Inactive
    4CuriousJohn
    @CuriousJohn

    Godzilla (View Comment):

    4CuriousJohn (View Comment):
    Hard right. > easy wrong. That’s a keeper. However I’m not 100% in agreement with the not live together part. I believe it allowed you to come to this hard right. Not sure you would have seen the issue if you hadn’t.

    The data show that living together is positively correlated with divorce. It is generally not recommended for those who want to be married for life. Also, the accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage. That being said, there can be positive benefits from almost anything, even living together before marriage, but it is not a good bet.

    As someone said earlier, which I agree. I wouldn’t recommend it for the very young, (18 to 28) but after 29 I think you “have lived” a bit and a trail period is recommend.  As for the. “accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage.”

    If we are talking about in general to the 340 million Americans, I don’t believe “accumulated wisdom” comes into play. However if you are talking about a smaller community say the Ricochet lifestyle, your  “accumulated wisdom  …and … faiths” makes sense.  But even in that Ricochet lifestyle you are not hitting many 18 to 28 year olds. So good luck with finding the truly “saving themselves for marriage” in our little lot.

     

    • #42
  13. 4CuriousJohn Inactive
    4CuriousJohn
    @CuriousJohn

    Godzilla (View Comment):

    4CuriousJohn (View Comment):
    Hard right. > easy wrong. That’s a keeper. However I’m not 100% in agreement with the not live together part. I believe it allowed you to come to this hard right. Not sure you would have seen the issue if you hadn’t.

    The data show that living together is positively correlated with divorce. It is generally not recommended for those who want to be married for life. Also, the accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage. That being said, there can be positive benefits from almost anything, even living together before marriage, but it is not a good bet.

    Question1 …  Do you believe I might be correct that Lindsey was able to make her choice (which I believe to be the correct one), because she did live with her Bo?

    Question2 … Do you believe Lindsey would have been able to make the same choice, if she hadn’t lived with her Bo?

    Question3 … is really for Lindsey.  Even though you are now saying don’t live together, do you think the living arrangement gave you some prospective that you wouldn’t have had, without it?   The way I heard it.  it sounded as if the breakup is just a lot messier because you live together.  not the cause of the breakup.

    • #43
  14. Godzilla Member
    Godzilla
    @Godzilla

    4CuriousJohn (View Comment):

     

    As someone said earlier, which I agree. I wouldn’t recommend it for the very young, (18 to 28) but after 29 I think you “have lived” a bit and a trail period is recommend. As for the. “accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage.”

    If we are talking about in general to the 340 million Americans, I don’t believe “accumulated wisdom” comes into play. However if you are talking about a smaller community say the Ricochet lifestyle, your “accumulated wisdom …and … faiths” makes sense. But even in that Ricochet lifestyle you are not hitting many 18 to 28 year olds. So good luck with finding the truly “saving themselves for marriage” in our little lot.

    The problem is the thinking that you’re young if you marry at 28. Most people do not have the fortitude to be chaste that long, so they shack up. Which leads to  bad results. Be intentional in dating, you are looking for a mate to produce children and be a life partner with. Do not have premarital sex as it clouds your judgement.

    You can either learn hard lessons by doing, or you can avoid hard lessons by listening to the accumulated wisdom of the ages. Your choice.

    • #44
  15. Godzilla Member
    Godzilla
    @Godzilla

    4CuriousJohn (View Comment):

     

    Question1 … Do you believe I might be correct that Lindsey was able to make her choice (which I believe to be the correct one), because she did live with her Bo?

    Question2 … Do you believe Lindsey would have been able to make the same choice, if she hadn’t lived with her Bo?

    Question3 … is really for Lindsey. Even though you are now saying don’t live together, do you think the living arrangement gave you some prospective that you wouldn’t have had, without it? The way I heard it. it sounded as if the breakup is just a lot messier because you live together. not the cause of the breakup.

    Answer 1&2) No, she could have learned about his character without living with him, and been more level headed about that character without the sex.

    • #45
  16. Jeff Hawkins Coolidge
    Jeff Hawkins
    @JeffHawkins

    4CuriousJohn (View Comment):

    Jeff Hawkins (View Comment):

    filmklassik (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.

    He’ll be listening to this one.

    As someone who is probably a “weak man” I’m a bit torn on this. It might embitter me to the point of also effecting other relationships (this one isn’t remaining friends no matter whatever pleasantries) but it might be enlightening depending on his disposition.

    I mean, I’d like to know, in theory, if other women think I’m weak. On the other hand, at least when I was younger, I’d have used it as deflection and internalized into anger.

    Remember when you were young and you couldn’t understand why the neighborhood girls always fell for the wrong guy vs. the nice guys in the group. Speaking as one of the ‘nice’ ones.

    No I understand the reasoning: confidence.  I’m saying me listening to my ex and her friends gleefully celebrate the demise of my relationship can be a Jeckyll/Hyde conundrum.

    • #46
  17. TomShaw Inactive
    TomShaw
    @TomShaw

     I just started listening to the podcast so I’m sorry if this is a late response. Lyndsey said some things that spoke to me, that I often say to myself, trying to remind myself to have gratitude. Around the middle of the episode she says “What on Earth do I have to be unhappy about?” … “I’m blessed beyond measure.” I think her context in saying that is different than mine but I say that to myself a lot. Sometimes that 1 or 2% of what is missing makes it so hard to be grateful. I have to remind myself how blessed I am when I dwell on that 1 or 2% too much. I have a great life. I should dance in the street everyday. That part of your discussion really was something I could relate to. Gratitude for all things big and small really makes a difference in your quality of life and peace. It’s what I have to remember when I dwell on “bad” things too long. It also helps you to realize, “ya know, God already did all these other amazing things and He isn’t done yet.”

    • #47
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