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Ed should run away from this situation as fast as possible.
I understand Ed has never listened to one of these.
He’ll be listening to this one.
Thinking about it more and reading other members’ comments, I have to agree that there are parts of this podcast that should not have been recorded for general consumption. It started out well, but once his name was mentioned and the discussion concerning his qualities as a man occurred, details that should have remained private became public. Hence my earlier comment about feeling like I’ve been eavesdropping, I shouldn’t know those things about someone I’ve never met, told to me by three other people I’ve never met (which is a big part of why I avoid and don’t like reality television). Were I to meet him, I would want to judge him based on his character, how he treated me, and what I observed of how he treated other people, without any negative preconceptions clouding the interaction. Everyone deserves that respect.
As someone who is probably a “weak man” I’m a bit torn on this. It might embitter me to the point of also effecting other relationships (this one isn’t remaining friends no matter whatever pleasantries) but it might be enlightening depending on his disposition.
I mean, I’d like to know, in theory, if other women think I’m weak. On the other hand, at least when I was younger, I’d have used it as deflection and internalized into anger.
Time till this episode is taken down forever:
10, 9, 8, 7, 6…
Constructive criticism should be given privately, and in most cases, only when asked for. What has been done to Ed is wrong.
Hard right. > easy wrong. That’s a keeper. However I’m not 100% in agreement with the not live together part. I believe it allowed you to come to this hard right. Not sure you would have seen the issue if you hadn’t.
Yes, pull the trigger but remember it takes two in a relationship. and it sounds as if he was trying, but you thought just not hard enough. I’m betting he’ll find his lid (to his pot) faster than your pot (to your lid). But its not a race. its life.
Remember when you were young and you couldn’t understand why the neighborhood girls always fell for the wrong guy vs. the nice guys in the group. Speaking as one of the ‘nice’ ones.
The data show that living together is positively correlated with divorce. It is generally not recommended for those who want to be married for life. Also, the accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage. That being said, there can be positive benefits from almost anything, even living together before marriage, but it is not a good bet.
As someone said earlier, which I agree. I wouldn’t recommend it for the very young, (18 to 28) but after 29 I think you “have lived” a bit and a trail period is recommend. As for the. “accumulated wisdom of most cultures and almost all faiths say do not live together (or have sex) before marriage.”
If we are talking about in general to the 340 million Americans, I don’t believe “accumulated wisdom” comes into play. However if you are talking about a smaller community say the Ricochet lifestyle, your “accumulated wisdom …and … faiths” makes sense. But even in that Ricochet lifestyle you are not hitting many 18 to 28 year olds. So good luck with finding the truly “saving themselves for marriage” in our little lot.
Question1 … Do you believe I might be correct that Lindsey was able to make her choice (which I believe to be the correct one), because she did live with her Bo?
Question2 … Do you believe Lindsey would have been able to make the same choice, if she hadn’t lived with her Bo?
Question3 … is really for Lindsey. Even though you are now saying don’t live together, do you think the living arrangement gave you some prospective that you wouldn’t have had, without it? The way I heard it. it sounded as if the breakup is just a lot messier because you live together. not the cause of the breakup.
The problem is the thinking that you’re young if you marry at 28. Most people do not have the fortitude to be chaste that long, so they shack up. Which leads to bad results. Be intentional in dating, you are looking for a mate to produce children and be a life partner with. Do not have premarital sex as it clouds your judgement.
You can either learn hard lessons by doing, or you can avoid hard lessons by listening to the accumulated wisdom of the ages. Your choice.
Answer 1&2) No, she could have learned about his character without living with him, and been more level headed about that character without the sex.
No I understand the reasoning: confidence. I’m saying me listening to my ex and her friends gleefully celebrate the demise of my relationship can be a Jeckyll/Hyde conundrum.
I just started listening to the podcast so I’m sorry if this is a late response. Lyndsey said some things that spoke to me, that I often say to myself, trying to remind myself to have gratitude. Around the middle of the episode she says “What on Earth do I have to be unhappy about?” … “I’m blessed beyond measure.” I think her context in saying that is different than mine but I say that to myself a lot. Sometimes that 1 or 2% of what is missing makes it so hard to be grateful. I have to remind myself how blessed I am when I dwell on that 1 or 2% too much. I have a great life. I should dance in the street everyday. That part of your discussion really was something I could relate to. Gratitude for all things big and small really makes a difference in your quality of life and peace. It’s what I have to remember when I dwell on “bad” things too long. It also helps you to realize, “ya know, God already did all these other amazing things and He isn’t done yet.”