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  1. Jim Wright Member
    Jim Wright
    @JimW

    Fun and useful interview!

    I was on several dating sites around 2003, and met my wife on one that was the most freeform: rather than focusing on data crunching, it was more like Katz suggests: I posted an About Me essay and answered questions the way I think I’d have done in a physical setting. Chatty, show-don’t-tell on the sense of humor. I figured if they passed because they didn’t find me interesting, we both saved time.

    I wasn’t tall or thin, but my photo did make a difference. I’d started with a “bad webcam photo” that was poorly lit and showed me staring intently at the screen. My wife said she couldn’t square the “hilarious” text with the “grumpy” photo. When a friend told me to pick a different photo ASAP, I listened. The photo I used was years out of date (which I did say up front) but was my headshot from my standup days and much better reflected my personality. That’s the one that made her decide to contact me.

    We were living in different states, and we were both dead broke. We started slow, and took months talking back and forth before we moved to the telephone, and another few months before we arranged an in-person meetup. It might sound crazy to others, but it worked for us: her brother met us at the airport in a neutral third state, where my brother also lived, so we checked for family compatibility on both ends. I drove her from Phoenix to LA, where we went to a Christmas concert and Christmas party with my single friends, then we had a “normal” date the next night, and the day after that I drove her back to the airport in Phoenix.

    I proposed at our second date, more than a month later, but that was a formality.  I was pushing 40; she wasn’t much younger than me. We’d gotten to know each other over the course of months, keeping the physical chemistry out of the equation until the end.

    It worked for us.

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