Where No Non-specific-gender Person Has Gone Before

 

Star TrekCBS is bringing back “Star Trek,” but it’ll cost you. Forty quatloos or whatever the price for their streaming service turns out to be. Comments at Variety are just what you’d expect: the producer is the wrong guy, they should do that other show, won’t pay, et cetera. “Star Trek” fans — at least the vocal ones — will repay the resurrection of their beloved franchise by nit-picking the next iteration to bloody bits.

Predictions: A few PC boxes will be checked to ensure peace and quiet from the critics and the perpetually aggravated. The ship will be bright and shiny inside, with lots of blue, the Official Color of the Future. Everyone will be adept at typing on glass screens during moments of crisis. There will be a Vulcan, because you have to have at least one laconic, sarcastic stuck-up character, and there will be an Engineer and a Doctor. There will be six writers who give up trying to find new ways to inhabit these archetypes. It will be set in the new Trek timeline, which gives the writers the freedom to ignore many of the things that dictated the breadth of the plot lines.

Savaged by fans keen to show they are pure, it will slowly get better, but the true fans will not accept this, and regard it as an abomination that happens when you don’t listen to people who really nailed the whole problem with Trek in the 547th nested comment on a subreddit dedicated to the third season of “Voyager.”

Me, I’m glad. It’s preferable to nothing, and I’ve found that I can actually enjoy things that aren’t perfect, as long they’re not trying too hard to push me away. (See also, “Tomorrowland.” Or rather don’t.) The big question is whether the sixth series can provide anything new. It’s going to be about a Federation vessel that explores space and runs into bipeds with similar technology but ridges on their cheeks or noses.

What’s left to tell? What’s left to show?

Published in Entertainment
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  1. Mike LaRoche Inactive
    Mike LaRoche
    @MikeLaRoche

    Bring back Star Trek: Enterprise and finish that story first.

    • #1
  2. TKC1101 Member
    TKC1101
    @

    So it has happened. Star Trek has become Doctor Who. Never ending, just change the actors when they cost too much.

    • #2
  3. Jamie Lockett Member
    Jamie Lockett
    @JamieLockett

    Preferable to nothing? The last two Star Trek movies were preferable to a swift kick to the gut, but definitely not preferable to nothing.

    • #3
  4. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    James Lileks: It’s preferable to nothing…

    This is debatable.

    Nothing might have inspired writers/producers/directors to come up with NEW science fiction universes.

    Everything since Deep Space Nine has been nothing more than warmed-over rehashed hash.

    Let it die with dignity.

    • #4
  5. Jamie Lockett Member
    Jamie Lockett
    @JamieLockett

    Mike LaRoche:Bring back Star Trek: Enterprise and finish that story first.

    I thought it was all a holodeck simulation to help Commander Riker decide to tell Picard about the The Pegasus.

    • #5
  6. Z in MT Member
    Z in MT
    @ZinMT

    From the Variety article.

    “Star Trek Beyond,” which is scheduled to be distributed by Paramount Pictures in summer 2016 and is written by Doug Jung and Simon Pegg”

    Is it good or bad that the new “Scotty” is writing the next Star Trek movie?

    • #6
  7. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    Jamie Lockett:Preferable to nothing? The last two Star Trek movies were preferable to a swift kick to the gut, but definitely not preferable to nothing.

    Abramstrek 1 wasn’t bad. Even Mr. Plinkett liked it, and he hates everything.

    Abramstrek 2 was a waste of pixels, and pixels are effectively cost-free.

    • #7
  8. Jamie Lockett Member
    Jamie Lockett
    @JamieLockett

    Misthiocracy: Abramstrek 1 wasn’t bad. Even Mr. Plinkett liked it.

    It wasn’t particularly Star Trek-y and the sheer amount deus ex machina required to make Kirk the captain defied belief.

    • #8
  9. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    Z in MT:From the Variety article.

    “Star Trek Beyond,” which is scheduled to be distributed by Paramount Pictures in summer 2016 and is written by Doug Jung and Simon Pegg”

    Is it good or bad that the new “Scotty” is writing the next Star Trek movie?

    Good.

    Simon Pegg was born to write this kind of fan-service-driven movie.

    Go watch his tv series Spaced, in which he plays the archetype of the comic book/sci-fi nerd.

    • #9
  10. Z in MT Member
    Z in MT
    @ZinMT

    I enjoyed both Abrahms remakes. You just have to get over that they are a retelling of Star Trek not a remake.

    • #10
  11. Mike LaRoche Inactive
    Mike LaRoche
    @MikeLaRoche

    Jamie Lockett:

    Mike LaRoche:Bring back Star Trek: Enterprise and finish that story first.

    I thought it was all a holodeck simulation to help Commander Riker decide to tell Picard about the The Pegasus.

    Yes, that was a horrible way to end the series.

    • #11
  12. Fred Cole Inactive
    Fred Cole
    @FredCole

    Misthiocracy:Simon Pegg was born to write this kind of fan-service-driven movie.

    Yeah.  I second that.  Simon Pegg isn’t the problem here.

    • #12
  13. Dean Murphy Member
    Dean Murphy
    @DeanMurphy

    It would be easier for me to enjoy totally new Science Fiction than another hash/rehash/poutine of Star Trek.

    • #13
  14. Titus Techera Contributor
    Titus Techera
    @TitusTechera

    New things to do on Star Trek the multi-culti part something or other? Skip’s got ya covered!

    • #14
  15. Jim Chase Member
    Jim Chase
    @JimChase

    Projected storyline aside, the franchise is making the same mistake they made with Voyager, pulling the series over to the fledgling UPN, and cutting off numerous fans.

    CBS All Access?  For $6/month?  For one show?

    Not even for Star Trek.

    • #15
  16. Ryan M Inactive
    Ryan M
    @RyanM

    Z in MT:I enjoyed both Abrahms remakes. You just have to get over that they are a retelling of Star Trek not a remake.

    well… you have to get over that they are pretending to be Star Trek.

    Kind of like I’ve been saying about Bond.  Why don’t you just make more Bourne movies, if that’s what you want?

    • #16
  17. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    The captain will be a woman… or else androgenized by a convenient transporter malfunction.

    I had to look up Doug Jung. Apparently, he’s the bold artiste behind HBO’s polygamy show.

    • #17
  18. Hartmann von Aue Member
    Hartmann von Aue
    @HartmannvonAue

    If it’s in the Abrams Universe: Nothing would be preferable.

    • #18
  19. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Jim Chase:Projected storyline aside, the franchise is making the same mistake they made with Voyager, pulling the series over to the fledgling UPN, and cutting off numerous fans.

    CBS All Access? For $6/month? For one show?

    Not even for Star Trek.

    The $6 as month gives you access to a whole bunch of CBS shows (past and present), but there’s almost nothing else on their list of shows I care about.

    • #19
  20. Autistic License Coolidge
    Autistic License
    @AutisticLicense

    The return of the Bugle Snack of Death from ST1!

    The guys in skirts from TNG take center stage!

    Janeway develops an affect, becomes distinguishable from a Vulcan!

    Leonard Nimoy is dubbed in from mixed and edited video, per a secret premortem contract.

    The fanmags write themselves.

    • #20
  21. Whiskey Sam Inactive
    Whiskey Sam
    @WhiskeySam

    Meh, I’ll stick to my DVDs of the old series.

    • #21
  22. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    Z in MT:I enjoyed both Abrahms remakes. You just have to get over that they are a retelling of Star Trek not a remake.

    No. NO!

    Star Trek Into Darkness is an objectively terrible movie!

    I hate it more than I hate The Phantom Menace!!!

    TPM was dull, and silly, but at least it was reasonably internally consistent, while Star Trek Into Darkness DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!

    Scotty invents interstellar teleportation, which SHOULD render Starfleet completely OBSOLETE.

    Bones finds a cure for death ITSELF!

    If Old Spock is willing to risk the spacetime continuum by giving Young Spock advice on how to beat Khan, then how come he didn’t give them advance notice on Khan’s existence IN THE FIRST PLACE?!  AHeck, why not give them a detailed history of the next 200 years so they can avoid all of Kirk’s DISASTROUS first contact mission!?!

    Bwargh!!!  I can’t take it!  It’s an awful awful movie! Kill it with fire!!!!

    Pant, pant, pant…

    • #22
  23. Tom Meyer, Ed. Member
    Tom Meyer, Ed.
    @tommeyer

    Z in MT: I enjoyed both Abrahms remakes. You just have to get over that they are a retelling of Star Trek not a remake.

    Disagree. Those movies are Generic Space Action™ doing passable cosplay.

    • #23
  24. Pseudodionysius Inactive
    Pseudodionysius
    @Pseudodionysius

    • #24
  25. Douglas Inactive
    Douglas
    @Douglas

    Aaron Miller:The captain will be a woman… or else androgenized by a convenient transporter malfunction.

    I had to look up Doug Jung. Apparently, he’s the bold artiste behind HBO’s polygamy show.

    So it’s going to be a shiny disaster, then.

    • #25
  26. MikeHs Inactive
    MikeHs
    @MikeHs

    DIvI’ Duj Qaw’!

    • #26
  27. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    Hartmann von Aue:If it’s in the Abrams Universe: Nothing would be preferable.

    The possibilities of the AbramsVerse were potentially really interesting at the end of AbramsTrek 1.

    a) They could have told stories about the uncertainty of whether this is a changed timeline, in which case Old Spock is permanently stuck here and they have to just live with it, or whether this is a parallel timeline, in which case Old Spock just might be able to find a way home. But then, who is to say that the original timeline is the better timeline? Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, this changed timeline is better than other possible worlds. How can they tell? Mind=blown.

    b) They could have told stories about how the existence of a being who knows the details of the next 200 years of galactic history creates all sorts of ethical dilemmas, especially since the version of history he has in his head is now not QUITE accurate due to the changed timeline. Does Spock tell them about the Borg? Does Spock tell them about V’Ger? Does Spock tell them about the Whale Probe? Does Spock tell them about the Bajoran Wormhole? Mind=blown.

    c) If Spock is telling them about the future, shouldn’t that result in a visit from the Timecops from Enterprise?

    But then they made Star Trek Into Darkness instead, thereby screwing any possibility of doing anything interesting that isn’t just stupid.

    Screw it.

    • #27
  28. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    James Lileks: Me, I’m glad.

    WHY!?!

    Let it go, it’s dead James.

    • #28
  29. DrewInWisconsin Member
    DrewInWisconsin
    @DrewInWisconsin

    When I read that the new series would continue to examine contemporary social issues just like Original Trek, I despaired.

    In Hollywood-speak I suspect that means we’re going to get Social Justice Trek! Think of the preachiest episodes of TNG (coincidentally, also the worst episodes), and then magnify them by Warp Factor 10.

    Will this be a reboot? I hope not.

    I would love to see someone seriously pick up the continuity post-DS9.

    Also, call me old-fashioned, but when I hear that this is going to be a streaming-only series, I hear “not ready for prime-time.” And “Trek-fans will lap up anything!”

    • #29
  30. Douglas Inactive
    Douglas
    @Douglas

    DrewInWisconsin:When I read that the new series would continue to examine contemporary social issues just like Original Trek, I despaired.

    In Hollywood-speak I suspect that means we’re going to get Social Justice Trek! Think of the preachiest episodes of TNG (coincidentally, also the worst episodes), and then magnify them by Warp Factor 10.

    Ferengi lives matter!

    • #30
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