Valentine’s Week: The Love You Found or Hope to Find

 

Love is in the air this week. Tell us how you met your love, how he or she makes you better and what keeps your love alive. Or tell us what sort of love you are searching for. I just spent the morning singing through love songs from Broadway musicals, so I’m in the mood to hear what kind of fool you are.

When I met my husband, I wasn’t looking for love, except in the way every 17-year-old is. I spent the summer before my senior year in high school with my aunt and uncle in Washington, DC. That was eye-opening for a girl from Idaho. I loved the monuments, museums and history and — since I was a new face in a new place — enjoyed some male attention. One especially memorable instance involved a busload of soldiers passing by and breaking into waves and whistles at the sight of a pretty blonde. I was not offended. I got a lot of dates that summer and thought it was great.

While I was away, my Mom rustled up my first job at the mom & pop drug store near our house. It was an old-fashioned place with a soda fountain and a mini post office. After school started, one day at work there was a new employee, a tall, good-looking young man who — it turned out — was the bosses’ son, Steve. He was four years older than I and had just returned from a mission to Brazil, too late to go back to the university that semester. We were introduced at the soda fountain by his dad, who said that I went to the rival high school. Steve joked that he wouldn’t hold it against me.

Back then people actually dated. Boys asked girls on dates and paid, unless it was a Sadie Hawkins dance or some such thing. So we dated a little bit and then he returned to school. Back then, you could date casually, I think in part because dating was not assumed to involve sex. So we dated each other and other people for three years. Steve would get serious sometimes and suggest that we date exclusively (still no sex assumed), and I’d say that I thought that was like being engaged when you weren’t really engaged, which didn’t make sense to me, especially since we didn’t go to the same university. I didn’t want to date exclusively because, hey — fun with other guys — but I wanted to keep him in the orbit. He was kind and intelligent and wrote me poetry and sent me flowers. He made me feel special.

One day during the summer when we were both home from school, I was at my friend Pat’s house. Steve was going to pick me up there for a date. Pat’s brother was home and had just gotten engaged. A year or so before she, had set me up on a very bad blind date with this brother, and I could tell that he was not pleased to have me in the house on the happy day of his engagement. When Steve arrived and I saw him through the window I was so relieved and delighted to see him that it suddenly hit me that I might be in love and that here was someone I could always trust with my love. We didn’t get engaged for another six months or so, but that was the epiphany. Since then, we’ve always looked forward together and supported one another. My favorite manly virtue is the kind of clear-eyed intelligence that he possesses in abundance, along with being patient and slow to anger.

And he’s a great Dad. When I was a frazzled new mom with a one-month-old baby and wondering how I’d get through the next 18 years, I walked into the bedroom one day to find him sitting on the bed talking to our son, who was gooing back and then broke into his first smile. It was the moment when I started to love being a parent, and I learned it from Steve. After that though, I made sure that I always got the first smile. Now, after 39 years, we have many memories together, good and bad, but mostly good, and we have a rich set of inside jokes. I was young and stupid on that long ago day when he picked me up at Pat’s house, but I’m so grateful that I was smart enough recognize the man who would appreciate, value and return the love I gave to him.

I enjoy piecing together your personalities and stories Ricochetti, so tell us how you found love, or how you hope to find it.

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  1. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    Well I was never a pretty blonde, just a passable brunette.  But my Mom set up my first job too, so we have something in common.

    I love your story.  Idaho in the 1970/80’s sounds like small town Pennsylvania in the 1930/40’s, based on my parents’ stories.  The whole thing about dating many people which sounds fun and sensible and only works if everybody understands dating does not equal sex.

    • #1
  2. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    Jojo:Well I was never a pretty blonde, just a passable brunette. But my Mom set up my first job too, so we have something in common.

    I love your story. Idaho in the 1970/80′s sounds like small town Pennsylvania in the 1930/40′s, based on my parents’ stories. The whole thing about dating many people which sounds fun and sensible and only works if everybody understands dating does not equal sex.

    Yes–I think Idaho in the 70’s was about 30 years behind the rest of the nation! That’s great your Mom found you your first job too!  What was the job?   You’re exactly right about the demise of dating.  IMHO the assumption that dating involves sex has thrown a serious wrench in the works.  I think many young people who would like to date but don’t want to engage in casual sex just end up not dating at all.

    Tell us your story Jojo.  I’d love to hear it.

    • #2
  3. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Merina Smith:

    IMHO the assumption that dating involves sex has thrown a serious wrench in the works.

    True, true.  When I was in high school and college, there was always the hope that a date could lead to sex (maybe not that night, but down the road), but never an expectation.  I’m guessing this day and age, there is more of an expectation, if not an outright demand.

    As the father of three girls now in their early twenties, I’ve passed my vast knowledge of what us (we?) guys do to (ahem) score.  They are armed with the tricks of the trade, and they have honed their deflector shields to a fine edge . . .

    So far, all three seem to be level-headed about dating, although the youngest worries me at times because she is always “in love”.

    Oh darn, I was supposed to tell how I met and fell in love with my future (and now) wife of . . . lemme think . . . almost 28 years . . .

    • #3
  4. Eric Hines Inactive
    Eric Hines
    @EricHines

    I met my wife while we both were on active duty.  Four weeks after we met, we got engaged, and we married six weeks later.  The only reason for the long engagement was to give the schedules of those we wanted at the wedding a chance to harmonize.

    What drew us together?  Beats me.  It just seemed right, and so much so there was no need for agonizing over it.  We’re still together after 39 years because our love has only grown, if the way we show it to each other has evolved.  And mutual respect.  And friendship.  And (well down the list in terms of importance) shared interests.  And not so shared interests.  And….

    She keeps me centered.  And I’m grateful every day that she consents to stay.

    Eric Hines

    • #4
  5. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Between Christmas and New Year’s of my 15th year my father found out that he had terminal cancer. That was his last Christmas.

    I found myself at 16, and with my sister long gone and married herself, faced with a disabled mother and a stack of bills to pay. I put my life on hold. No dates, just school and work and her rehabilitation. It was a longer process than I could have ever imagined.

    By the time I was in my early 30s I had largely succeeded in getting my mom’s life and health back together and I began to think about myself. But who would want me? I was not good looking or rich by anyone’s standard. Because of the sacrifice I had made I probably had the reputation of being a mama’s boy. My television career was so-s0 as I hadn’t broken into the national networks yet.

    Between gigs for one of the Detroit-based pro teams I found myself in a suburban Sears. I kinda liked the look of the girl on the sales floor. We talked. I flirted. I asked her out. I was floored when she said, “Yes.” I was even more floored when she said “yes” again three months later.

    Four children and almost 22 years later I look at her and pray that she’ll never realize just what a mistake she made. When she visits the eye doctor I’m always afraid her new glasses will finally show her how bad I really look.

    Her sister had tried to hook her up with lawyers, doctors and politicians. She could have been living in a big house in the DC suburbs. Instead she married a video migrant worker.

    When we got married they sang an old Bing Crosby song:

    For you and I have a guardian angel
    On high with nothing to do
    But to give to you and to give to me
    Love forever true.

    But it could have just as easily had been another, cause I Found a Million Dollar Baby in a 5 and 10 Cent Store.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UPHAfvbs08

    • #5
  6. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    Stad: As the father of three girls now in their early twenties, I’ve passed my vast knowledge of what us (we?) guys do to (ahem) score.  They are armed with the tricks of the trade, and they have honed their deflector shields to a fine edge . . .

    I think this is a reason that young women with fathers in the home warn their girls that something lurks behind honeyed tongues.  Now let’s hear about the romance that led to those girls Stad.

    • #6
  7. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    EJ, you’re pretty good-looking I’d say.  You look a lot like Bing Crosby.

    The song really took me back.  Before I played the link I could hear it clearly in my head in Bing’s croon.  It was a pleasure to hear it again and see the scene.  I’ve never seen the movie.

    I’m so happy you told us your story.  I have a feeling that your wife knew pretty quickly that the guy who is good to his mother will be a fine husband.  No matter what glasses she gets, that is not lost on her.  Man of the house at 16. That’s a lucky Mom to have had you going to bat for her.  You’re in sports, right?

    I guess it’s a bit self-serving, but I love to hear these stories during this week.  You found your million dollar baby in a five and ten cent store, and we call our story a drug store romance.  Good thing we are conservatives and believe in the free market.

    • #7
  8. Frozen Chosen Inactive
    Frozen Chosen
    @FrozenChosen

    I met my wife at an alcohol and tobacco free dance club in Salt Lake City (an oddity you could only find in Utah)  on Thanksgiving night in 1985.  I was bored after the family dinner and talked a buddy into going along.  I just wanted to dance – didn’t intend to get any phone numbers.  I asked a cute girl to dance a for few songs and then excused myself to look for another girl I had seen earlier.  In the press of people I must have gotten mixed up because I ended up asking the same girl with whom I’d originally danced.

    Well, at this point I had to ask for her number or I would look like a weirdo.  I got her number, asked her out and 3 months later we were married.  We’ll celebrate our 29th anniversary later this month and I’ve never looked back.  Best decision I’ve ever made.  She is the light of my life and I can’t stand to be away from her for more than a day.

    While age robs me of what little beauty I possessed she looks more beautiful every passing year.  She’s the light of our 5 children’s lives as well and brightens every life she touches.  Everyone she knows has received at least one hand made craft or gift – most of her friends have received dozens.  She’s a happy person and shares her happiness with everyone she meets.  Because I share her life in every way she makes me the happiest person of all – what a lucky man I am!

    • #8
  9. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    My sister and I have a running friendly argument over whether we got our wonderful spouses by skill or by luck.  I say luck.

    I got to know my future husband when we carpooled together into downtown Pittsburgh for our first jobs after college because we lived near each other. I fell for his fascinating eyes, nice figure, and kind personality.  I asked him to a movie “as a friend” and fortunately he got the hint and the next week asked me to a movie and slid his arm around me in a more-than-friend way. Two children and more than thirty years later, he’s shown that besides being incredibly cute he is also patient, decent, smart, hard working,  responsible, affectionate, considerate, and really handy to have around.  We have had difficulties, but not generally with each other. He has given me a happier life with more love than I could have hoped for.

    • #9
  10. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    Frozen, was that a stake dance?  I spent many of those serving the worthy role of wallflower in my teen years.  I’m still laughing that you had momentary amnesia and so had to get her number.  Must have been inspired amnesia.  I’d like to meet your wife and get some craft ideas, but what I’d really like is to be her friend so I could get her to make me some handmade crafts!  ;-)

    I think Dennis Prager is right that we owe it to people we love to be a happy person. Sounds like you found a woman who is happy by nature.

    • #10
  11. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    Jojo:My sister and I have a running friendly argument over whether we got our wonderful spouses by skill or by luck. I say luck.

    I got to know my future husband when we carpooled together into downtown Pittsburgh for our first jobs after college because we lived near each other. I fell for his fascinating eyes, nice figure, and kind personality. I asked him to a movie “as a friend” and fortunately he got the hint and the next week asked me to a movie and slid his arm around me in a more-than-friend way. Two children and more than thirty years later, he’s shown that besides being incredibly cute he is also patient, decent, smart, hard working, responsible, affectionate, considerate, and really handy to have around. We have had difficulties, but not generally with each other. He has given me a happier life with more love than I could have hoped for.

    I love it–you asked him out first!  Way to go!  Did you two go Dutch or did you pay?   That’s a nice bunch of adjectives.  Tell your sister that I think you’re the winner.

    • #11
  12. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    Merina Smith:I think Dennis Prager is right that we owe it to people we love to be a happy person.

    *sigh*  Cranky just comes so naturally.

    But you are surely right.

    • #12
  13. user_966256 Member
    user_966256
    @BobThompson

    I thought about this for a while and was reluctant because I thought it would take too many words to tell my story, even in a brief form. But here goes.

    My wife and I both arrived in Washington, DC from distant places, she from Peru and I from Georgia, in the same month, May 1959. I was 20 years old, without a job, but got one at a bank within a week. I had recently dropped out of college after 2 years and had no particular reason to leave Atlanta and go to DC. She came with a green card and worked at women’s apparel retail shop on F Street. The bank where I worked was on F Street a couple of blocks separation. We both lived in upper northwest and both rode the Mt. Pleasant Streetcar line back and forth to work.

    So, I worked at the bank for two and a half years, then I got my draft notice from Uncle, and served two years active duty before returning to work at the bank. There I first met her in a work capacity only. In a few months, sometime in 1964, I left and went to work for a bank in the Maryland suburbs. Sometime that year, she left and returned to Peru for almost a year. A friend of mine, who had been a manager with me at the bank I left also left, got a position at the same bank in Maryland where I was and we decided to share a apartment.

    In 1965, he came to me and reminded me that he was seeing a cousin of my future wife, and that my future wife had returned from Peru and was looking for a job. He was the manager of the department that fit her work experience but he had no vacancies and since he knew by turnover rates that it would not be long before he would have an opening, he asked if I would hire her as a trainee in my department, which was much bigger and always had openings. We both knew of her quality work performance so it was done. She worked for me for a couple of months and then took a position in his department

    As most all here probably know, the sixties was a time of much breakdown of established behaviors and I was right in the middle of much drinking and partying and meeting many members of the opposite sex who were exploring all the new behaviors that would yield gender equality. Needless to say, I had not established a relationship of any permanence to that point. I don’t think such had even entered my mind. My roommate and I had scheduled a big Christmas Party on a Saturday night in December 1965. His date came and brought my future wife with her, and even though I was drinking beer as usual, she and I spent enough time together that we were now at least socially acquainted.

    Some heretofore unknown switch clicked in my head at that point and on Sunday I called her and asked her out. She had me over to meet her mother, a sister, and some brothers, we had a few dates and in March 1966 I proposed. She was ready to accept but she told me I would have to ask her mother, I did, and we were married in May 1966.

    By the end of 1970 I had completed my bachelor’s degree work at GWU attending at night and we had three children so she was kept busy as well. In May we will celebrate 49 years together, and 7 grandchildren.

    That switch that clicked and sent me to her changed everything for me and got me on the path I believe I was supposed to be on. And my story shows that somehow many opportunities were served up for this to happen. Our paths crossed many times during those seven years.

    So I have a couple of songs I like for Valentine’s Day. The first is a 1929 tune with lyrics by Arthur Freed, ‘You Were Meant for Me’, this because I think there is a plan that this was to happen. The second, ‘It Had To Be You’, lyrics tell how even with completely different personality traits, I would not ever want to be without her.

    Enough said. Sorry for so much verbiage.

    • #13
  14. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Jojo:

    Merina Smith:I think Dennis Prager is right that we owe it to people we love to be a happy person.

    *sigh* Cranky just comes so naturally.

    But you are surely right.

    We owe them an honest effort at happiness, but not, I think outright dishonesty.

    Sometimes, life brings unhappiness. And sometimes the people you love need to know about it. We owe it to our loved ones to express such unhappiness in the most considerate way we can – ideally without rancor, manipulation, or blame games. But sometimes we do owe it to our loved ones to express it, rather than shutting them out and confusing them.

    I love my husband enough to be a noticeably happier person for him than I would otherwise be. Nonetheless, I shouldn’t deceive him. And sometimes trying to take the obligation of happiness too seriously has gotten me into trouble on this score.

    • #14
  15. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    Midge, come to think of it, we had this discussion before, didn’t we?  We marry for richer or poorer, better or worse, so that means there will be times of unhappiness. And with all your trials, you have a way better excuse than some. I do think it is much harder to be happy ourselves when our spouse is glum, so I try to keep up the good cheer even in the tough times.

    • #15
  16. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Wives are entitled to 16 husbands: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer and 4 poorer.

    • #16
  17. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    Bob ThompsonThat switch that clicked and sent me to her changed everything for me and got me on the path I believe I was supposed to be on. And my story shows that somehow many opportunities were served up for this to happen. Our paths crossed many times during those seven years.

    I was thinking you took your gol-durn time!  :-)

    I remember something my uncle said about my aunt after probably fifty years of marriage:  He wished he had met and married her sooner in order to have had more time with her.

    • #17
  18. Frozen Chosen Inactive
    Frozen Chosen
    @FrozenChosen

    Merina Smith:Frozen, was that a stake dance? I spent many of those serving the worthy role of wallflower in my teen years. I’m still laughing that you had momentary amnesia and so had to get her number. Must have been inspired amnesia. I’d like to meet your wife and get some craft ideas, but what I’d really like is to be her friend so I could get her to make me some handmade crafts! ;-)

    I think Dennis Prager is right that we owe it to people we love to be a happy person. Sounds like you found a woman who is happy by nature.

    It was actually a commercial dance club, Merina, not a stake dance.  There used to be a couple of clubs in SLC in the 80s, not sure if they still exist.  I spent a lot of time at them in my single days.

    • #18
  19. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    Talking Valentine romance, I’m going to tell a story I might have told before.  I regard it as the most romantic thing my  rather reticent husband ever said.

    My younger brother had been engaged for ten years, so you can imagine he was a little leery of making the leap.  He and his fiancée had just been through a rocky patch initiated by her suffering the loss of a son in a motorcycle accident.  We came for a visit and my brother and I sat up to the wee hours while he talked about how torn he was about his future, weighing various aspects of the consequences of marrying or not. In the car after we left, I reviewed the conversation with my husband, who advised:

    “Tell him to bite the bullet and marry the girl.”

    I passed that along, my brother took his advice, and he and his wife have been happily married for many years now.

    • #19
  20. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    Merina Smith:

    Jojo:My sister and I have a running friendly argument over whether we got our wonderful spouses by skill or by luck. I say luck.

    I love it–you asked him out first! Way to go! Did you two go Dutch or did you pay? That’s a nice bunch of adjectives. Tell your sister that I think you’re the winner.

    I think we went Dutch, as I was trying to play it just friends, and there was a limit to my boldness.

    Now that I think of it, asking him out involved some “skill” rather than luck so it goes in my sister’s column.  The “luck” was that I more or less married him for his cuteness, but he has demonstrated through time that he has the qualities you really want most in a husband and father.

    • #20
  21. Tom Meyer Member
    Tom Meyer
    @tommeyer

    Merina, this is a lovely post and story, but:

    Merina Smith: Back then people actually dated. Boys asked girls on dates and paid, unless it was a Sadie Hawkins dance or some such thing.

    People still do this! It’s not all boozy college parties and hook-ups. Match.com and eHarmony have made a lot of money setting people up on dates.

    Now, I think it’s much more defensible to say that we’ve done a bad job of promoting dating as something young people do without the expectation of sex in the near future. Anecdotally, it seems that we’ve hit a situation with young (college and pre-college) people where many are more experienced in sex than dating. If that’s actually correct, that’s a problem.

    Merina Smith: So we dated a little bit and then he returned to school. Back then, you could date casually, I think in part because dating was not assumed to involve sex. So we dated each other and other people for three years. Steve would get serious sometimes and suggest that we date exclusively (still no sex assumed), and I’d say that I thought that was like being engaged when you weren’t really engaged, which didn’t make sense to me, especially since we didn’t go to the same university. I didn’t want to date exclusively because, hey — fun with other guys — but I wanted to keep him in the orbit.

    At least in my personal experience, this has largely died out and that’s a shame. I consider Midge the authority on this, but — for a variety of reasons — we’ve taught young women that the only alternatives are virginal constancy to one dude or jumping into bed with every dude she sees. The idea that a girl should go on lots of dates with lots of different guys but not have sex with any of them is something that could use a renaissance.

    • #21
  22. user_966256 Member
    user_966256
    @BobThompson

    Jojo:Talking Valentine romance, I’m going to tell a story I might have told before. I regard it as the most romantic thing my rather reticent husband ever said.

    My younger brother had been engaged for ten years, so you can imagine he was a little leery of making the leap. He and his fiancée had just been through a rocky patch initiated by her suffering the loss of a son in a motorcycle accident. We came for a visit and my brother and I sat up to the wee hours while he talked about how torn he was about his future, weighing various aspects of the consequences of marrying or not. In the car after we left, I reviewed the conversation with my husband, who advised:

    “Tell him to bite the bullet and marry the girl.”

    I passed that along, my brother took his advice, and he and his wife have been happily married for many years now.

    I can add a little more to the actions precipitated by the click of that switch in my head. After my wife and I took care of arrangements to turn our engagement into marriage and announced it to friends and family, she, morally tough lady that she is, approached the longtime beau of her sister, years as in your story, and asked him what his intentions were regarding her sister. I cannot speak to details of his response except to note that in May, my wife and I and her sister and he had ourselves a double wedding.

    And, two other close friends of my wife, who lived in the same apartment complex, were married before the first day of summer.

    • #22
  23. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Tom Meyer, Ed.:The idea that a girl should go on lots of dates with lots of different guys but not have sex with any of them is something that could use a renaissance.

    My February love post will briefly touch on this. Tradition sometimes revives itself in the strangest places…

    • #23
  24. Eeyore Member
    Eeyore
    @Eeyore

    I’m countin’ on a nice porn site to hook me up! ;)

    • #24
  25. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    I put up my account of meeting my wife last year.  For fun I’ve reposted it.

    Suffice it to say, it involved being stuck on the side of a building in nothing but red glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts.

    boxers

    • #25
  26. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    skipsul:Suffice it to say, it involved being stuck on the side of a building in nothing but red glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts.

    As I said, tradition sometimes revives itself in the strangest places.

    • #26
  27. The King Prawn Inactive
    The King Prawn
    @TheKingPrawn

    My story is wholly unorthodox. My wife and I married because we are sinners. But, that’s not even the really unorthodox bit of it all.

    I met her on some indeterminate day at the singles group in my church. I played guitar for the service, so I was always early. After I set up my gear I noticed someone playing wallflower and trying to blend into the scenery. She had an appearance crafted to camoflage. At first I couldn’t even determine her sex. She wanted no notice and no attention. I’ve been like that, so I understood the motivation. If no one noticed she was there, then she could tell her meddling parents that the people completely ignored her and that she would not be returning to the group. I determined to thwart the plan, so I introduced myself. Quite honestly, I wanted to hear a name to figure out if this person was man or woman.

    She was a woman allright. I grabbed another women and introduced the two (Christian duty to not be a vulture, and all that.) Long story short…we started hanging out as friends. She was easy to be around. Perhaps it was her anti-femininity, but I could just be myself around her because the physical attraction was less of an issue. And then it happened. Somewhere in the months of watching movies and hockey, cooking meals and playing with my cat, I realized she really was a woman. One night I just kissed her. It’s a good thing, too. She told me later that had I not kissed her that moment then our friendship would have dwindled, and the relationship would never have materialized.

    Humans being what they are, we sinned. On a cold winter evening I sat on my couch staring at the two lines on a pregnancy test. We considered every option (even the worst ones), our church lobbied very, very strongly for adoption, but in the end a question from her father settled the matter. He simply asked me what I would do…what kind of man I was. A decision was made inside of me. I take little credit for it as I believe in myself I was incapable of making such a decision. I would do the right thing. I would honor her as a woman and become her husband.

    Months later a beautiful baby girl was born, and after that we solemnified our family. For near a decade the decision and commitment held. This is where the story really gets unorthodox. I held onto the form of love I was capable of. I provided for the family in every way, remained faithful, and did everything within the strength of my will to be the loving husband my sweet flower deserved.

    It was, of course, not enough. A marriage cannot live on determination alone. We reached a low, and one night I was asked if I wanted her to stay or go. Another question. Another moment of decision. Another movement of God in my soul. When asked I did not know the answer to the question. And then it happened. I discovered that I wanted her to stay. Inside me grew an overwhelming, all consuming desire for her. In a rare moment when I simply didn’t know the answer and couldn’t even hazard an educated guess I fell in love with my wife. In that barest second my heart was a tabula rasa on which was written agape.

    It was five years ago when “the thing in the spring” happened and I fell in love with her. We’ve had some ups, and we’ve sure had one hell of a down, but the love holds. It makes possible the impossible. It was her love for me that demanded I fight for her last year. It was my love for her that made me capable of doing so.

    So there it is. I love my wife, and I am hopelessly, completely, irrevocably in love with her as well. I got it out of order a little in the process, but perhaps that was the only I could get where I needed to go. When I was a baby my mom called me doodle bug because I crawled backwards. Some things never change.

    • #27
  28. gts109 Inactive
    gts109
    @gts109

    I’ll echo Tom’s thought that people still date, and a lot of them use the internet to help. I met my wife Emily on eHarmony way back in 2006 when internet dating was still sorta new. We exchanged a few emails over the website, talked on the phone for a couple hours one night, and then met in person. I would pick her up in my car and drop her off after. Our first dates were at a bar (Fatheads in Pittsburgh), a Thai place, and a baseball game. I paid!

    I recall being at a party with Emily not too long after we met and someone was astonished and curious about the whole process, and asked what it was like. I was like, “Well, we’re dating in person now.” Other than the fact that the initial interaction is completed through a website where you get a lot more information about your potential dates before even speaking with them, everything is exactly the same. If you’re on the right website, the screening process really makes dating much easier. You can find the right sort of person on paper and in looks, and then see if there’s any chemistry.

    • #28
  29. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    gts109:

    If you’re on the right website, the screening process really makes dating much easier. You can find the right sort of person on paper and in looks, and then see if there’s any chemistry.

    Exactly. To date successfully, you need a functional screening process, whether it’s multiple in-person low-pressure (i.e, no sex) dates with multiple people or a searchable database.

    • #29
  30. user_517406 Inactive
    user_517406
    @MerinaSmith

    I know people still date, but it is a lot harder than it used to be.  For one thing, they don’t date casually.  If you’re “dating” it is exclusive.  Asking someone out was not that big a deal back then and there were a lot of first and only dates.  My college age son, as an innocent freshman, asked a girl out and she freaked because she thought it meant a lot more than it did.  After that, he wasn’t about to make that mistake again. But then how is he to get acquainted with a girl he’s interested in?  Another problem is that the sex thing is the elephant in the room.  I suspect that a lot of people avoid dating because of it.  What does he or she expect?  If that’s not what I want, how do I act?  Better to just avoid the whole thing.  I agree that the dating service is probably the best way to go these days, but expensive for some young people, and some still think it is lame.

    • #30
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