Ten Reasons To Be Happy If Obama Gets A Second Term

1. It’s good news for Ricochet. (The conservative media thrives during left-wing presidencies. Provided, of course, that this president doesn’t find some way of banning it).

2. The price of your gold will soar. (Though remember not to reveal its location to the Feds. Otherwise they may well confiscate it, as happened under FDR).

3. Whoever replaces him after his second terms is going to be really, really good. Not just because the list of candidates is so strong – Paul Ryan, Allen West, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul….. – but because the relief will be so great.

4. America will finally have demonstrated to the world that Obama’s electoral success wasn’t just about race. It was about stupidity too.

5. The GOP will be forced to get its act together. Its best scientific minds will ensure that no freak storms interfere with their next run at the presidency; its strategists will finally work out that they need to get some of those groovy kids like the Obama campaign has – you know, ones that really understand the interweb thingy, and can do cool stuff like send targeted fundraising messages to sympathisers on their iPhones.

6. It will be much easier to empathise with the pain of Greece, Venezuela and the Democratic Republic of Congo – because that’s where your economy is headed.

7. No need for any tedious debates about who was the worst president in US history. After his second term, Obama is going to make Jimmy Carter look like Ronald Reagan.

8. Ricochet will go from strength to strength. Oh, did I already mention that? Gotta think positive. Just keep accentuating the positive. Don’t let the dark thoughts in, just don’t think too hard about the fact that Obama is going to be president for four more years because, well, just don’t.

9 At least all the people on welfare are going to be happy. They’ll probably celebrate by buying a new flat screen TV. And you don’t want to begrudge them their simple, innocent joy, do you? What kind of killjoy Grinch would that make you?

10. Pinch yourself. Hard. Gotta be worth a shot: if you’re really lucky you might discover it has all been just a terrible dream.