Permalink to Coming Next Fall: The DMV Quarter-Zip Fleece

Coming Next Fall: The DMV Quarter-Zip Fleece

 

Words fail:

The U.S. Postal Service is taking unprecedented steps to make itself relevant and profitable these days.

The cash-strapped agency announced plans on Tuesday to launch a new line of all-weather apparel and accessories sometime next year.

… The Postal Service chose “Rain Heat & Snow” as its own brand name, alluding to its unofficial motto: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

Only men’s apparel and accessories will be available initially, but the agency plans to add a women’s line in the future, it said Tuesday.

… “This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion,” agency licensing manager Steven Mills said in a statement. “The main focus will be to produce Rain Heat & Snow apparel and accessories using technology to create ‘smart apparel’ — also known as wearable electronics.”

[Postal Service spokesman Roy] Betts said the Postal Service plans to sell its apparel and accessories in premium department stores and specialty stores, but not at post offices. He said the agency plans to make the products available in 2014.

The Postal Service decided to launch a clothing line as a way to promote and strengthen its brand, as well as to generate money, according to Betts.

The licensing agreement allows the Postal Service to collect royalty fees for its new product line without investing money to produce the gear, Betts said.

Prediction #1: There will be sales. They will all, however, be ironic.

Prediction #2: If you order “Rain Heat & Snow” gear online, it will come via UPS or FedEx.

Prediction #3: When the history of the USPS’s insolvency is written, this will merit about a sentence in the paragraph on the desperate flailing that took place as the agency continued to deny reality.

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Members have made 31 comments.

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  1. Profile photo of Ron Selander Member

    Now, if maybe they would sell guns…..

    • #1
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:06 am
  2. Profile photo of Jim Chase Member

    Soon we will all be as fashionable as Cliff Clavin.

    • #2
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:16 am
  3. Profile photo of Frozen Chosen Thatcher

    Buyers of the clothing will describe becoming strangely belligerent when donning the togs…

    • #3
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:16 am
  4. Profile photo of Valiuth Member

    When I think of all weather outdoor’s fashion I instantly think of my mail-woman wearing the same drab blue on blue combo that all postal workers have had since dinosaurs walked the earth. Way to go Post Office! 

    • #4
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:23 am
  5. Profile photo of eglentyne Member

    So that leaves “Gloom of Night” for the women’s line? Excellent…..

    • #5
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:28 am
  6. Profile photo of Israel P. Member

    Should have called it “Appointed Rounds.”

    • #6
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:31 am
  7. Profile photo of Paul Erickson Member

     “The main focus will be to produce Rain Heat & Snow apparel and accessories using technology to create ‘smart apparel’ — also known as wearable electronics.”

    Ah, the irony of buying something from the postal service that will enable me to access e-mail wherever I go.

    • #7
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:31 am
  8. Profile photo of Duane Oyen Member

    Is it the agency in denial, or Congress as prompted by the SEIU (NALC, et al)?

    I remember when Carter was in office, and they tried to get a cut of every fax sent , as a means of preserving revenues in place of all those stamps not sold because of advanced electronic communications.

    • #8
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:38 am
  9. Profile photo of Fake John/Jane Galt Thatcher

    Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line.

    • #9
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:42 am
  10. Profile photo of Adriana Harris Member

    “The Postal Service decided to launch a clothing line as a way to promote and strengthen its brand, as well as to generate money, according to Betts.”

    I f they want to strengthen their brand perhaps they could stop breaking my DVDs from Netflix, or workout so they have enough energy to push the flag down when they pick up my mail. Here’s a thought, they could stop delivering my mail to my neighbors and my neighbor’s mail to me. 

    This idea is so pathetic that if it weren’t the federal government I would think it was a hoax.

    • #10
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:45 am
  11. Profile photo of Nick Stuart Thatcher

    Tchokches is the perennial “go-to” when the main line of the business is failing and management has to think of something to come up with some revenue: keychains, hats, pens, letter openers, windbreakers, &tc.

    Betcha they won’t bring back the “pony express” logo that got canned a couple decades ago which at least had a historical cachet to it.

    • #11
    • February 21, 2013 at 1:59 am
  12. Profile photo of Albert Arthur Coolidge

    Yeah, about that motto. I live in Brooklyn. There was totally no mail for like 5 days after hurricane Sandy.

    • #12
    • February 21, 2013 at 2:01 am
  13. Profile photo of Paul Wilson Member

    Maybe Amtrak will follow suit. I’ve had my eye on those nifty conductor’s uniforms.

    • #13
    • February 21, 2013 at 2:06 am
  14. Profile photo of Bob Laing Member

    Should compliment my TSA underwear nicely.

    • #14
    • February 21, 2013 at 2:10 am
  15. Profile photo of Proud Skeptic Inactive

    I understand they are bringing back Clifford Klavan as their new supermodel spokesman

    • #15
    • February 21, 2013 at 3:00 am
  16. Profile photo of Duane Oyen Member
    Fake John Galt: Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line. · 2 hours ago

    Oh, good grief. The same place where the Mint got the ability to sell money souvenirs at their tours in Washington, the Grand Canyon was authorized to have a gift shop, and the USPS was enabled to sell commemorative stamps to philatelists. But to even see if any Constitutional issue exists at all, you need to pore over the law that spun USPS off as a corporation, which makes it not subject to enumerated plowers at all.

    Why do libertarians always belabor this kind of thing?

    • #16
    • February 21, 2013 at 3:55 am
  17. Profile photo of Robert Promm Inactive
    Fake John Galt: Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line. · 3 hours ago

    To wash clothes and hang them to dry on a clothes line?

    • #17
    • February 21, 2013 at 5:18 am
  18. Profile photo of theotherbriansmith Member
    Proud Denier: I understand they are bringing back Clifford Klavan as their new supermodel spokesman · 1 hour ago
    I was thinking of Kevin Costner as the spokesmodel for the shabby chic line of postal apparel. The-Postman-movie-01.jpg
    • #18
    • February 21, 2013 at 5:35 am
  19. Profile photo of flownover Inactive
    Bob Laing: Should compliment my TSA underwear nicely. · 3 hours ago

    The quick grope briefs are going to be available in cotton, silk , and spandex !

    • #19
    • February 21, 2013 at 5:37 am
  20. Profile photo of Jeff Petraska Member

    And this is the same US postal service that has lost two of my mail-order packages in the last three months? The same one that returned a Christmas card to my ex-coworker stamped “No such address” when it was addressed perfectly correctly? The same post office that took almost a month to deliver a card to my brother-in-law who lives in the next town over from me?

    I hope their new line of clothing is shipped from China by US Mail. They’ll never be seen again.

    • #20
    • February 21, 2013 at 5:51 am
  21. Profile photo of Last Outpost on the Right Thatcher

    The line from this that almost ejected me from my chair:

    This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion

    Cutting edge? How is it possible that anything to do with the USPS can be considered cutting edge?

    After the day I’ve had, I really needed this laugh!

    • #21
    • February 21, 2013 at 7:01 am
  22. Profile photo of Wylee Coyote Member

    I ordered one of those DMV fleeces, and they just sent me a little slip of paper with a number on it. 🙁

    • #22
    • February 21, 2013 at 7:17 am
  23. Profile photo of Ralphie Member
    Fake John Galt: Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line. · 18 hours ago

    I can hear Nancy Pelosi now “Are you serious?”

    I had the same line of thought. A is A. Or it should be.

    An example of the bureaucratic life of its own. Instead of it being a service that expands and contracts to meet needs, it expands to keep people employed.

    • #23
    • February 21, 2013 at 9:35 am
  24. Profile photo of Babci Member

    Forget snuggies and leg warmers. Real money could be made by getting their hands on the DHS ammunition horde. We’ve driven through 6 states in the last week and have made the purchase of a box of 22s the mission. Fantasy of the hour is pulling in to a post office in Opelika, AL and scoring a box of 22longs and the Rambo Cliff Klaven “Going Postal” tee shirt.

    • #24
    • February 21, 2013 at 9:44 am
  25. Profile photo of Crow's Nest Member
    Troy Senik, Ed.

    … “This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion,” agency licensing manager Steven Mills said in a statement.

    The last time I was promised “cutting edge functional fashion” from a government agency, I ended up having to buy this:

    2008-04-new-navy-pt-uniforms.jpg

    Speaks for itself.

    • #25
    • February 21, 2013 at 10:37 am
  26. Profile photo of Fake John/Jane Galt Thatcher
    Duane Oyen
    Fake John Galt: Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line. · 2 hours ago

    Oh, good grief. The same place where the Mint got the ability to sell money souvenirs at their tours in Washington, the Grand Canyon was authorized to have a gift shop, and the USPS was enabled to sell commemorative stamps to philatelists. But to even see if any Constitutional issue exists at all, you need to pore over the law that spun USPS off as a corporation, which makes it not subject to enumerated plowers at all.

    Why do libertarians always belabor this kind of thing? · 18 hours ago

    I am not a libertarian. 

    If the USPS is a private corporation then I have no argument. They can do what they please and I wish them luck. But that is not exactly what they are, is it?

    If questioning if the activities the government decides to assume are within the constitution or its own legal frameworks is belaboring this kind of thing then fine I can live with that label and consider myself in good company.

    • #26
    • February 21, 2013 at 10:48 am
  27. Profile photo of Susan in Seattle Member

    At our house, we’re jonesing for one of those “pith” helmets!

    • #27
    • February 21, 2013 at 11:47 am
  28. Profile photo of KC Mulville Member

    Where did you get my picture?

    • #28
    • February 21, 2013 at 12:53 pm
  29. Profile photo of Robert Promm Inactive

    Put a fork in it. The USPS is done. Ben Franklin would be proud.

    • #29
    • February 21, 2013 at 12:58 pm
  30. Profile photo of flownover Inactive
    Israel P.: Should have called it “Appointed Rounds.” · February 20, 2013 at 12:31pm

    Appointed hollowpoint rounds in this case. 

    Some of those 1.5billion .40 cal hollowpoints have to be for the USPS >

    • #30
    • February 22, 2013 at 3:34 am
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