Permalink to A Double Shot Please

A Double Shot Please

 

“Ah found wike a muff mouf,” I said. “What was that?” asked the dentist. I repeated slowly, “I found,… wike-a,… MUFF MOUF!” I was trying desperately to say that I sounded like a mush mouth, but after just one shot it wasn’t working out all that well. You see, sometime back, a filling came out. But since it wasn’t bothering me, I didn’t bother it. I thought we had an agreement. But the tooth must be a Democrat because the agreement turned into an infection a few weeks ago, with the pain spreading down my neck and up to my ear. So, after picking up the shiny new truck, my dispatcher was kind enough to get me back to the home country to see the family dentist.

My mom recommended him. Said he was very kind, quite gentle, and very reasonable financially. She was right, of course. And he has a great sense of humor too. After the next shot, I mumbled, “I fee wike dwoowing idiot.” “I’ve dealt with a few of those,” the dentist laughed. “Dey vote too,” I answered.

Then, with my mouth so numb that I thought the left side of my face might slide off, the dentist asked, “So tell me about the website you write for?” My eyes cut toward him as if to ask if he was kidding. I think they do get sadistic pleasure from this,… but why not play along?

“Wicoshay,” I answered.

“Wico-what?”

“Wick-o-shay, wike a gun shot.”

“Oh, Ricochet!” 

“Uh huh, dat’s wha ah said!”

“And it’s a….”

“Consubatib site,…. by Petuh Wobinson and Wob Wong. Wobinson wote da Buwin speech for Weagun. You know, … ‘Mistuh Gobutoff teau down dis wau,’ …ya know, dat guy?”

“Oh, him!”

“Uh huh. And Wob Wong, he’s Howweewood guy, pwodoos Cheeaus, Suwiban and Son, dose shows.”

“Oh!”

“And it’s sibil site. Vewy fwiendwy, because peeepuh pay to wite and convuss wif each odduh. Dey got academacs, wawyuhs, pwofessuhs, powiticians, gobnuhs, Pat Sayak, Rooput Mudock, Wichud Ebsteen, and a twucka too.”

Then, the dentist surmised it was time for more shots. They no longer use those big horse syringes, opting instead for a little ink pen looking contraption that has a small tube extending from the top to a little box that dispenses the numbing medication. Much less painful than I remember.

“Here’s some Listerine to rinse with and get rid of that bad aftertaste.”

“Ya dot Dack Daniels?”

“Just Listerine.”

The delightful lady assistant allowed as how she wanted to offer liquor flavored cotton swabs, but the dentist wouldn’t allow it.

“You Pwude,” I said to the dentist. After the laughter died down, he said it was time to remove the tooth.

Then he took what appeared to be a little scoop, and commenced to digging around the base of the thing. There was no pain, though I did startle a bit when it popped and cracked. But within less than a minute, he reached for the pliers and easily lifted it out. Mission accomplished.

Next came the Vicodin and antibiotics, which did to my motor skills what the shots had done to my speech. My dear Mom searched dutifully for some soft food for me at the store, while I wafted over to the toy section and located a self-infalting whoopee cushion. I wasn’t very steady on my feet, but I was effective with that cushion so that every time a particular lady took a step,…well, never mind. Then a couple of birds flew into the store and I was captivated like a bug-eyed moonie on mushrooms. It’s funny how I can sip bourbon all night and stay just as composed as plaster of paris, but give me a baby aspirin and it’s lights out sweet prince.

Then, a lady called my name. It turned out to be someone that knew me many years ago. I tried to straighten up long enough to complete a sentence without sounding like a complete dolt, but I doubt I pulled it off. It’s nice seeing people after a few decades, but a bit disconcerting when they see you strung out and talking like Elmer Fudd on pain killers.

Today, things are healing nicely and I’m able to dial back the pain meds a bit, which allows me to stay upright long enough to write this sober-minded account. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go wie down a wittle while.

Join Ricochet!
Like this post? Want to comment? Join Ricochet’s growing community of conservatives and be part of the conversation. Get your first month free.

Members have made 31 comments.

  1. 1
  2. 2
  1. Profile photo of Pejman Yousefzadeh Inactive

    It’s a good thing you didn’t try to pronounce my name when discussing the Ricochet contributors.

    • #1
    • October 28, 2012 at 1:47 am
  2. Profile photo of Andrea Ryan Member

    Ouch! I feel like I just spent the last 7 minutes having my teeth worked on. 🙂 Heal quickly!!

    • #2
    • October 28, 2012 at 2:01 am
  3. Profile photo of Southern Pessimist Member

    The last time I had a cavity filled, which is not as major as pulling a tooth, the dentist asked if I would like to have him use his ultrasonic laser pulse instead of Novocain. I was very skeptical but he zapped by jaw with this painless sound machine and I didn’t feel a thing when he started drilling. And I didn’t have any facial numbness and could pronounce Pejman Yousefzadeh if I knew how that was pronounced.

    • #3
    • October 28, 2012 at 2:05 am
  4. Profile photo of Matthew Gilley Member

    What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin? Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet? Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist?

    Last question: was it one of your front teeth? If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know….

    • #4
    • October 28, 2012 at 2:06 am
  5. Profile photo of Gary Bokelmann Inactive

    Another great post, as always! You captured the experience perweckly… er, perfectly.

    I don’t mean to veer off topic (well, I sorta do, but I’m new here…) but I’m sure a lot of us are wondering if you have a reaction to Joe Biden’s jawdropping behavior at Andrews AFB when speaking to the father of Tyrone Woods. I seem to recall you met Biden once and were inclined to cut him some slack because he had demonstrated considerable sensitivity to military families. Does his behavior at Andrews square with your recollection of the man? Any idea what was going through his head? 

    I posted an opinion of my own about this on a thread over on the Member Feed started by “flownover,” but since you actually met the man, I think a lot of Ricochet would be interested in your reading of it.

    Again, sorry if I veered off topic. Maybe you could start a new post on it or jump onto “flownover’s” thread? 

    Best of wuck wif the dental wuhk. 

    • #5
    • October 28, 2012 at 2:13 am
  6. Profile photo of John Grier Inactive

    Dave-

    Thanks!!!! Just what I need for a Saturday afternoon.

    • #6
    • October 28, 2012 at 2:36 am
  7. Profile photo of Lucy Pevensie Inactive

    Dave! We are in sync. I just had a tooth removed (fractured in too many places to be worth trying to save, or so they told me.) I gather my experience has been worse than average, and a week and a half out I am only mostly feeling normal, so I hope you do better than that. Thanks for checking in.

    Did the dentist seem to approve of the idea of “Wicoshay”? Should we be looking out for him to show up?

    • #7
    • October 28, 2012 at 2:47 am
  8. Profile photo of Nanda Panjandrum Inactive

    Feel better, Dave! Praying for you!

    • #8
    • October 28, 2012 at 3:51 am
  9. Profile photo of Cper Inactive

    Dave, when you mentioned Wob Wong I’d like to have seen who your dentist pictured. 

    • #9
    • October 28, 2012 at 4:10 am
  10. Profile photo of Percival Thatcher
    Matthew Gilley: What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin? Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet? Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist?

    Last question: was it one of your front teeth? If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know…. · 2 hours ago

    Edited 2 hours ago

    Alphonse on Novocaine probably sounds like Sir Laurence Olivier.

    • #10
    • October 28, 2012 at 4:19 am
  11. Profile photo of Essgee Member

    That nasty liberal tooth….no wonder it had to be pulled. 

    Get rest, take your meds, and soon you will be out and about again.

    Great post and hope you feel 100% soon.

    • #11
    • October 28, 2012 at 4:36 am
  12. Profile photo of M1919A4 Member

    Get well soon, Dave. When you have a minute, please look over at the two threads on the failure to send help to Benghazi and let us know what you are hearing and what you think.

    Is This the Day That the Benghazi Story Begins to Explode?

    Troy Senik, Ed. · October 26, 2012 at 10:48am

    Benghazi Scandal: Checkmate

    Aaron Miller · 20 hours ago

    • #12
    • October 28, 2012 at 4:56 am
  13. Profile photo of M1919A4 Member

    Get well soon, Dave. When you have a minute, please look over at the two threads on the failure to send help to Benghazi and let us know what you are hearing and what you think.

    Is This the Day That the Benghazi Story Begins to Explode?

    Troy Senik, Ed. · October 26, 2012 at 10:48am

    Benghazi Scandal: Checkmate

    Aaron Miller · 20 hours ago

    • #13
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:04 am
  14. Profile photo of David Holtkamp Member

    Get well soon, Dave!

    • #14
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:05 am
  15. Profile photo of AUMom Member

    Hope you feel better soon, Dave!

    • #15
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:08 am
  16. Profile photo of DocJay Member

    I failed my dental exam on a democrat. I missed the cavity between the ears.

    • #16
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:09 am
  17. Profile photo of Dave Carter Contributor
    Dave Carter Post author
    Matthew Gilley: What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin? Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet? Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist? …

    Alphonse drove me home from the dentist. He suffered from sympathy mush mouth.

    Matthew Gilley: …Last question: was it one of your front teeth? If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know…. · 3 hours ago

    LSU-Golden-Girls.jpgNow now, Matt. They took the tooth from waaay in the back. But really, you’ve been traveling in the wrong circles. Or you have us confused with another school. Here are some LSU fans:

    • #17
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:22 am
  18. Profile photo of Dave Carter Contributor
    Dave Carter Post author
    Gary Bokelmann: … I’m sure a lot of us are wondering if you have a reaction to Joe Biden’s jawdropping behavior at Andrews AFB when speaking to the father of Tyrone Woods. I seem to recall you met Biden once and were inclined to cut him some slack because he had demonstrated considerable sensitivity to military families. Does his behavior at Andrews square with your recollection of the man? Any idea what was going through his head? 

    I posted an opinion of my own about this on a thread over on the Member Feed started by “flownover,” but since you actually met the man, I think a lot of Ricochet would be interested in your reading of it.

    Again, sorry if I veered off topic. Maybe you could start a new post on it or jump onto “flownover’s” thread? …

    Thanks, Gary. I didn’t actually meet Biden, though. My family did, but I wasn’t able to be there. I’ll have to read up on things before I comment, though. What I’ve seen so far from Biden is very much at odds with the impression he left with my family. Then again, he’s a politician…

    • #18
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:26 am
  19. Profile photo of Dave Carter Contributor
    Dave Carter Post author
    Lucy Pevensie: Dave! We are in sync. I just had a tooth removed (fractured in too many places to be worth trying to save, or so they told me.) I gather my experience has been worse than average, and a week and a half out I am only mostly feeling normal, so I hope you do better than that. Thanks for checking in.

    Did the dentist seem to approve of the idea of “Wicoshay”? Should we be looking out for him to show up? · 2 hours ago

    I think the dentist will be checking Wicoshay out. He might be reading this thread, for all I know. Things are improving steadily, as I hope they will continue to do for you as well.

    • #19
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:28 am
  20. Profile photo of DocJay Member
    Dave Carter
    Matthew Gilley: What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin? Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet? Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist? …

    Alphonse drove me home from the dentist. He suffered from sympathy mush mouth.

    Matthew Gilley: …Last question: was it one of your front teeth? If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know…. · 3 hours ago

    Now now, Matt. They took the tooth from waaay in the back. But really, you’ve been traveling in the wrong circles. Or you have us confused with another school. Here are some LSU fans: · 6 minutes ago

    Ah, The Golden Girls. Rawr.

    • #20
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:30 am
  21. Profile photo of Dave Carter Contributor
    Dave Carter Post author
    M1919A4: Get well soon, Dave. When you have a minute, please look over at the two threads on the failure to send help to Benghazi and let us know what you are hearing and what you think.

    Is This the Day That the Benghazi Story Begins to Explode?

    Troy Senik, Ed. · October 26, 2012 at 10:48am

    Benghazi Scandal: Checkmate

    Aaron Miller · 20 hours ago · 32 minutes ago

    I’ll be happy to. Thanks for the heads up!

    • #21
    • October 28, 2012 at 5:30 am
  22. Profile photo of wilber forge Member

    Had impacted wisdom teeth removed by Oral Surgery years ago, along with some jawbone. It was all a lights out deal with great followup meds.

    The funny story is the Doc had a human head in the fridge to practice new techniques on, until the night cleaning lady freaked out looking in the wrong fridge. Nothing bad going on, the lesson is, stay out of the Doc’s stuff.

    Did have some additional surgery in the southern region to remove a serious pain, consider that a Liberal removal. You get the drift.

    • #22
    • October 28, 2012 at 6:33 am
  23. Profile photo of Arahant Member

    Laughter makes the healing faster, Dave. I hope you heal very quickly, because you’re certainly healing whatever ails us.

    • #23
    • October 28, 2012 at 7:31 am
  24. Profile photo of Amy Schley Member

    I just had an emergency wisdom tooth extraction a couple weeks ago.

    The hygienist complimented me on my low blood pressure. “Ma’am, my mom’s a nurse and my dad’s an ultrasound tech. Being in medical settings makes me feel better.”

    After it was extracted, I made the mistake of looking at the removed tooth. It looked like someone had done a diagonal cross-cut on it — one whole side had completely crumbled away and the nerve was completely exposed. I hadn’t realized my tolerance for pain was so high that I could have that kind of damage and only feel twinges of pain for the year prior to the extraction.

    • #24
    • October 28, 2012 at 8:46 am
  25. Profile photo of Boomerang Member

    I had a very stressful day, now am winding down with some chamomile tea and a check- in at Wick-o-shay.Therefore the rolling belly laugh that began with Wob Wong and Petuh Wobinson and picked up speed from there was most welcome and, I think, improved my blood chemistry. Fank you vewy much.

    • #25
    • October 28, 2012 at 8:49 am
  26. Profile photo of Sweezle Member

    TY for bringing a smile into my life. You are a treasure Dave. Hope your recover soon!

    • #26
    • October 29, 2012 at 3:11 am
  27. Profile photo of CuriousJohn Thatcher

    Another Classic “Wicoshay”

    • #27
    • October 29, 2012 at 5:06 am
  28. Profile photo of Eeyore Member
    Alphonse drove me home from the dentist. He suffered from sympathy mush mouth.

    Dave Carter, you two gots so much mischief in you, when you go outs to drinkin’, I sho’ nuff hopes you carry a angel chaperone on you shoulder.

    • #28
    • October 29, 2012 at 6:28 am
  29. Profile photo of Ghost Member

    Dave, I swear you could write up the instructions for putting my daughter’s bicycle together, and it’d be the most interesting thing I’d read all month. Can’t wait for your next post.

    • #29
    • October 29, 2012 at 7:14 am
  30. Profile photo of GLDIII Reagan

    Dave

    I have periodontal work scheduled for immediately after the NR cruise, your story of delayed dental digging is not helping my nerve…no matter how funny it is.

    • #30
    • October 29, 2012 at 8:16 am
  1. 1
  2. 2