Quote of the Day: Friendship and Stories

 

“Those who cannot conceive of friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a friend.” – C.S. Lewis

Contemporary media and culture does not seem to understand friendship, which is a tragedy beyond measure.  A true friend is worth more than refined platinum.   There was the friend who picked me up in another state, the friend who prayed with me after I snapped and lost control of myself, the friend who asked me to be his best man, the friend I talked down from the brink of suicide, the friend I trained and hired for my job, the friend who taught me how to shoot, the friend who I introduced to his future wife.   All of these are men I care about and respect – my bros.   There are also close friends I have that are ladies whom I am not romantically involved with at all.  These are co-workers and old college friends, one of whom is like an adopted younger sister.  The idea that having a close friend actually means a desire to screw them is utterly disgusting to me, but society seems to aim that way.

Youtuber and dedicated Tolkien fan Just Some Guy takes on this trend in fine fashion:

https://www.bitchute.com/video/hgJR7mFQTHnG/  (some non-CoC language)

There’s something sad in this.  Could you imagine growing up without any good friends, where the the only love you receive is in exchange for sex?   Perhaps there is some Freudian psychology or similar theory behind this, but it seems to go deeper.   Sometimes I look at the social justice crowd, and see a horde of broken people looking to make everything as messed up as they are.

Just Some Guy makes another point in his video, one that goes along with the discussion above.   Media and stories do not have to be about you or people like you for you to understand them and enjoy them.   They can expand your worldview and show you another perspective on life.  Tolkien writes in a mythic way, not like contemporary authors even from back then.  Reading the Lord of the Rings as a child was a challenge, but well worth the effort.  It took me to another world, with different perspectives.  If a technology-revering geek could appreciate the perspective of a tree-loving ruralist, perhaps these social justice types could imagine a world where you could have loyal platonic friendships, even with people you had deep-seated grudges against.

The problem is that such a story is does not provide validation.  If enough cool people in stories are like me, maybe then I won’t be an outsider.   However, stories are not necessarily written to validate your worldview or life.  Changing a story to suit you is like painting on another artist’s canvas – perhaps it is fun to do in your imagination, but doing on the real thing is an insult to the creator of the work and mocks anyone with a different interpretation of the work.

Perhaps, if people cannot find validation in themselves, they should look to their friends.

Published in Group Writing
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  1. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    OmegaPaladin: There’s something sad in this.  Could you imagine growing up without any good friends

    I can imagine it.  I did it.  And there are millions more like me.  Military brats.  We were never in one place long enough to make really good friends.

    • #1
  2. Lilly B Coolidge
    Lilly B
    @LillyB

    This makes me think of the new kid’s’ movie Luca: https://thefederalist.com/2021/07/02/take-a-family-trip-to-italy-with-luca-another-pixar-winner-celebrating-friendship/

    and also, Ford v. Ferrari, which I loved on many levels, but especially for its portrayal of a deep and purposeful friendship.

    • #2
  3. She Reagan
    She
    @She

    For the first ten years of my life, my family moved around regularly and my friendships changed with each move.  Often, the kids I played with were from other countries and other walks of life, and we didn’t stay in touch.  Things got more settled after we finally settled in the US and I came home from boarding school (I was 13).  It took me a while to settle into the idea of long-term friendships, but I have some.

    My constant non-family friends during my early childhood, were books and stories, and I guess I did find validation in them–validation of the sort of person I wanted to be, and validation of the sort of person I didn’t. And that relationship–which augmented, but never replaced reality for me–has lasted a lifetime.

    “Those who cannot conceive of friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a friend.” – C.S. Lewis

    They also betray the fact that they have damaged souls and one-track minds.  Which is an equally sad, but different, problem.

    ***

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    • #3
  4. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    OmegaPaladin: There’s something sad in this. Could you imagine growing up without any good friends

    I can imagine it. I did it. And there are millions more like me. Military brats. We were never in one place long enough to make really good friends.

    I have found that those who grew up as military brats  have often developed the ability to quickly make friends in new environments that those of us with more settled lifestyles do not have. While they did not have the chance to grow up together with a bff, they compensated by winning new friends wherever they went. Do you find this to be true in your life @randywebster ?

    • #4
  5. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte
    @Charlotte

    What a great quote, OP. And excellent commentary.

    • #5
  6. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte
    @Charlotte

    Lilly B (View Comment):
    Ford v. Ferrari, which I loved on many levels, but especially for its portrayal of a deep and purposeful friendship

    I appreciated this about FvF too. Another one is the Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock series. The friendship between Sherlock and Watson (Martin Freeman) is perfectly satisfying (and way more interesting than the actual plots). There is a shortage of positive portrayals of straight male friendship in pop culture, so I love those rare occurrences when Hollywood gets it right. 

    • #6
  7. OmegaPaladin Moderator
    OmegaPaladin
    @OmegaPaladin

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    This makes me think of the new kid’s’ movie Luca: https://thefederalist.com/2021/07/02/take-a-family-trip-to-italy-with-luca-another-pixar-winner-celebrating-friendship/

    and also, Ford v. Ferrari, which I loved on many levels, but especially for its portrayal of a deep and purposeful friendship.

    Funny you mention that – the same crowd claiming Frodo and Sam were gay were outraged when the director of Luca said the story was not about a budding gay romance.  The same guy I referenced before, JustSomeGuy, also did a video on people trying to impose their interpretation of a film on the author.  https://www.bitchute.com/video/gxKhTlIaL08y/ 

    For the record, JustSomeGuy is not straight  (I think he’s bi, but he does not specify), and is a black dude from the South Side of Chicago.  His videos are generally not CoC friendly, but very insightful.

    • #7
  8. Lilly B Coolidge
    Lilly B
    @LillyB

    OmegaPaladin (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    This makes me think of the new kid’s’ movie Luca: https://thefederalist.com/2021/07/02/take-a-family-trip-to-italy-with-luca-another-pixar-winner-celebrating-friendship/

    and also, Ford v. Ferrari, which I loved on many levels, but especially for its portrayal of a deep and purposeful friendship.

    Funny you mention that – the same crowd claiming Frodo and Sam were gay were outraged when the director of Luca said the story was not about a budding gay romance. The same guy I referenced before, JustSomeGuy, also did a video on people trying to impose their interpretation of a film on the author. https://www.bitchute.com/video/gxKhTlIaL08y/

    For the record, JustSomeGuy is not straight (I think he’s bi, but he does not specify), and is a black dude from the South Side of Chicago. His videos are generally not CoC friendly, but very insightful.

    Watching Luca with my kids, although admittedly not in a focused way, I wondered if it had an ulterior motive to promote LGBTQ “acceptance.” I think we’ve all become so used to such ubiquitous messages that we don’t trust Hollywood & media. Or maybe it’s just me.  The kids loved the movie, and the animation is amazing!

    • #8
  9. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    JoelB (View Comment):

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    OmegaPaladin: There’s something sad in this. Could you imagine growing up without any good friends

    I can imagine it. I did it. And there are millions more like me. Military brats. We were never in one place long enough to make really good friends.

    I have found that those who grew up as military brats have often developed the ability to quickly make friends in new environments that those of us with more settled lifestyles do not have. While they did not have the chance to grow up together with a bff, they compensated by winning new friends wherever they went. Do you find this to be true in your life @ randywebster ?

    Pretty much.  I’m not very gregarious, but I make friends easily when thrown together.

    • #9
  10. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Charlotte (View Comment):
    The friendship between Sherlock and Watson (Martin Freeman) is perfectly satisfying (and way more interesting than the actual plots).

    That’s true of the Aubrey-Maturin books, too.

    • #10
  11. OmegaPaladin Moderator
    OmegaPaladin
    @OmegaPaladin

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    Charlotte (View Comment):
    The friendship between Sherlock and Watson (Martin Freeman) is perfectly satisfying (and way more interesting than the actual plots).

    That’s true of the Aubrey-Maturin books, too.

    I think one of the marks of a good action flick is a good friendship among the heroes, whether it develops over time or is present from the beginning.

    • #11
  12. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    OmegaPaladin (View Comment):

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    Charlotte (View Comment):
    The friendship between Sherlock and Watson (Martin Freeman) is perfectly satisfying (and way more interesting than the actual plots).

    That’s true of the Aubrey-Maturin books, too.

    I think one of the marks of a good action flick is a good friendship among the heroes, whether it develops over time or is present from the beginning.

    Frodo and Sam has always been a friendship that supports my faith in friends. I want to be Frodo the leader, but I also want to be Samwise the faithful friend. 

    “I am glad you are with me Sam, here at the end of all things.”

     

    • #12
  13. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):
    Frodo and Sam has always been a friendship that supports my faith in friends. I want to be Frodo the leader, but I also want to be Samwise the faithful friend. 

    I’d just as soon let others make the decisions.

    • #13