“Malibu Plastic Surgeon Dies in Car Crash While Sending a Text About his Dog”

 

Which I’m not making up.

And let me stipulate, at the outset, that this is of course a terrible tragedy, and my sympathies and condolences go out to his friends, family, and survivors.

Let me further stipulate, at the outset, that I’m a bad person, because when I read this headline I chuckled darkly to myself and thought, “That’s a perfect Fall-of-Rome, end-of-civilization, decline-into-decadence sentence.”

It really does have it all. Plastic surgery, texting, beachfront property. Is there a better example of What’s Wrong With Everything than all of those things, packed into one headline?

Maybe “Woman Calls 911 Three Times Over Missing McNuggets.”

Again I say: what this country needs is a spanking.

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  1. Profile Photo Member
    @tabularasa

    Rob: We’re already there. From Fox News:

    “Woman Upset with Order Smashes McDonalds Drive Through Window

    Tuesday, 10 Aug 2010

    TOLEDO, Ohio – A woman lost her cool after finding out she couldn’t order chicken McNuggets at an Ohio McDonalds.

    Twenty-five year-old Melodi Dushane flipped out at the drive up window when employees wouldn’t serve her McNuggets.

    She was told she couldn’t get them because they were still serving breakfast.

    Hungry and outraged, Dushane hit the employee in the face.

    The manager rushed over, and Dushane threw a few more punches but the manager fought back and started pulling the angry customer’s hair!

    Eventually the window was closed and Dushane broke it with an object from her car.

    Dushane was charged with vandalism.”

    Video at: http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/offbeat/woman-upset-with-order-smashes-mcdonalds-drive-through-window-081010 McNuggets are important!!

    • #1
  2. Profile Photo Member
    @ScottR
    Rob Long: “That’s a perfect Fall-of-Rome, end-of-civilization, decline-into-decadence sentence.”

    Not quite perfect. If she were texting about her cat, we’d be in Mad Max hell by tomorrow a.m.

    • #2
  3. Profile Photo Member
    @NathanielWright

    Minus the death, this would be a perfect way to start a remake of Dr. Hollywood. I wonder if the police are passing the $148 “texting while driving” ticket on to one of the Doctor’s family members.

    On a serious note, I do sympathize with the family – but this is an odd combination of circumstances. Not as odd as I first thought. When I first glanced at the title of the post, I thought it said “While Sending a Text TO His Dog.” Now that would be just too much.

    • #3
  4. Profile Photo Member
    @OttomanUmpire

    Rest in Peace, Dr. Ryan.

    • #4
  5. Profile Photo Thatcher
    @StevenPotter
    Rob Long:

    Maybe “Woman Calls 911 Three Times Over Missing McNuggets.”

    tabula rasa: Rob: We’re already there. From Fox News:

    “Woman Upset with Order Smashes McDonalds Drive Through Window

    My question is: what is Mickey D’s putting in their McNuggets that is causing people to go crazy? The Zombie Revolution cometh, people!

    • #5
  6. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @EJHill
    Rob Long: Again I say: what this country needs is a spanking. ·

    I can’t begin to tell you the imagery that brings up… Are you suggesting Sarah and Hillary go at it in leather and whips at 40 paces in ’12?

    • #6
  7. Profile Photo Member
    @
    EJHill

    Rob Long: Again I say: what this country needs is a spanking. ·

    I can’t begin to tell you the imagery that brings up… Are you suggesting Sarah and Hillary go at it in leather and whips at 40 paces in ’12? · Aug 19 at 4:20pm

    Rob has a second career as a Pony Boy in a certain elite Hollywood pleasure spa.

    • #7
  8. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @EJHill

    Pony Boy. There’s a phrase I never thought I’d hear around here.

    But that brings us back to this idea that the American people are spoiled little kids itching to throw a tantrum this November. Don’t like feeding into the Liberal view – at all.

    • #8
  9. Profile Photo Member
    @PatrickShanahan

    Rob, I would agree….except the name “Fatty Arbuckle” somehow comes into my mind. We’ve been pretty darned close to Caligula territory for a long, long time. Only the technology of today makes it all seem so vivid.

    On the other hand, the Visigoths seem to have conquered Washington. So you may be righter than I.

    • #9
  10. Profile Photo Member
    @
    EJHill: Pony Boy. There’s a phrase I never thought I’d hear around here.

    But that brings us back to this idea that the American people are spoiled little kids itching to throw a tantrum this November. Don’t like feeding into the Liberal view – at all. · Aug 19 at 5:45pm

    Pony Boys fulfill a market demand. It’s capitalism – no reason to get all judgmental.

    • #10
  11. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @EJHill
    Kenneth Pony Boys fulfill a market demand. It’s capitalism – no reason to get all judgmental.

    So are we to take the libertarian view that commercial sex is a “victimless crime?” Looking for career opportunities or taxable commodities to help our states out of their budget crunches?

    • #11
  12. Profile Photo Member
    @
    EJHill

    Kenneth Pony Boys fulfill a market demand. It’s capitalism – no reason to get all judgmental.

    So are we to take the libertarian view that commercial sex is a “victimless crime?” Looking for career opportunities or taxable commodities to help our states out of their budget crunches? · Aug 19 at 6:17pm

    Let me be perfectly clear: Pony Boys do not offer sexual services. They merely canter about on all fours, wearing saddle and tackle.

    Whoa, boy.

    • #12
  13. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @EJHill

    I yield to the gentleman’s expertise.

    • #13
  14. Profile Photo Member
    @GADean

    Here’s a similar news story for you:

    Lost cell-phone caller drives into river, dies

    The last bit is especially notable…

    “Just before the call was cut off, Collier told her daughter that her car was filling up with water and to phone her insurance company”

    • #14
  15. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @EJHill

    My favorite inadvertent humor found in a news story was found when I was researching a school paper on the Korean War. It seems our intrepid fighting men named a hill after the busty star Jane Russell. The AP dispatch said, “The US Army repelled a Red probe on Jane Russell and still held the height.”

    That’s what our boys fight for…

    • #15
  16. Profile Photo Contributor
    @GeorgeSavage

    At least during the 90s the end-of-civilization thing was happening to the communists, as the Leningrad Cowboys — backed by the Red Army Choir — vividly make clear in this1993 Helsinki performance of “Sweet Home Alabama.”

    • #16
  17. Profile Photo Member
    @CasBalicki

    As reported by Canada’s National Post: In Vancouver, B.C. a fellow was charged with dangerous driving when the Mounties stopped his vehicle on the freeway after seeing it wandering in and out of its lane. The lad being a feisty sort pleaded not guilty and launched a vigorous defence. His story was that he and his wife had attended a sex-toy and lingerie show in the city and were on their way home when the wife decided to try out some of the battery powered appliances so recently purchased. The defendant by disputing the dangerous driving charge hoped to convince the judge that he was merely driving without due care and attention, a significantly lesser charge. All of which suggest that texting may not be as much of a road hazard as some wives.

    • #17
  18. Profile Photo Member
    @
    George Savage: At least during the 90s the end-of-civilization thing was happening to the communists, as the Leningrad Cowboys — backed by the Red Army Choir — vividly make clear in this1993 Helsinki performance of “Sweet Home Alabama.” · Aug 19 at 8:04pm

    Wow. Thanks so much for this! I remember what great optimism I had for true understanding between the West and the people of the former Soviet Union in those days.

    But Bill Clinton screwed it up with his condemnation of the Czcheyn war and his distraction during the Lewinski scandal.

    Seeing the joyous looks on the faces of those Russians reminds me – sigh – of what might have been.

    • #18
  19. Profile Photo Member
    @kelsurprise

    Well, maybe I’m a bad person too, but the first thing I noticed in the NY Post photos of Ryan’s vigil was how stoic all the women looked. Holding candles at a safe distance from placid faces, their sorrow was betrayed solely through the out-sized pouting of impossibly full lips.

    How weird is it that one whose pointless passing occasioned such mourning is the same man who made it so difficult for his friends to express it?

    • #19

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