Where We Do Not Wish to Go

 

“Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were young you used to fasten your own belt and you would go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will put a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.” (John 21:18, New Catholic Bible)

I attended a Catholic Mass this past week to watch a cousin graduate from 8th grade and move up to high school. While I haven’t been a Catholic for 40 years, it’s still pleasant to listen occasionally to the familiar old service. The Church made changes to the liturgical responses a decade or so ago, and I find it a little jarring to hear something slightly different from the words I memorized in my youth; if not for that, I’d still be able to recite the responses correctly, even after all these years.

I am a man without religious faith, but I appreciate religion and I enjoy the aspect of tradition surrounding the Catholic Mass.


I know a couple who own a small medical practice. Their children are grown, and the wife’s mother lives with her and her husband. The mother is in her 90s and suffering from dementia, which has taken a turn for the worse during the past month. She forgets where she is, who she is — pretty much everything. If left alone, there’s a danger that she’ll wander outside, or turn the stove on, or otherwise injure herself. More likely is that she’ll find herself alone and panic, and her stress and anxiety will make her physically ill.

Every week or so I spend an afternoon or two with her, filling in for others. I bring my laptop and do my work, while she watches Catholic Mass on television. She’s been a lifelong devout Catholic, attending services as often as possible, sometimes several times a week.

She’s inclined to anxiety and panic, and I sometimes hear her begging God or Jesus to help her. When that happens I sit and talk with her, to reassure her that she isn’t alone, and try to interest her in something — a coloring book, a program on television.

I’ve noticed that having a purpose seems to be deeply comforting to her. I sometimes find a basket of folded clothes, dump it out on a bed and throw it back in the basket, and bring it to her to be folded. That quiets her, and she diligently folds the laundry, apparently at peace. (She raised six children; it doesn’t take her long to fold laundry, and she’s good at it.) She’ll sometimes notice if the same basket of clothes is brought to her repeatedly but, because her short-term memory is unreliable, I can alternate two baskets and get four or five loads of the same clothes folded in the span of three hours.

What I discovered recently is that she seems to derive the same peace from repeating the responses to the Catholic Masses she watches on television. More than that: one of the Catholic channels appears to feature long, very repetitive prompt/response cycles, often in a mesmerizing chanted format, and she will calmly repeat the same response along with the program for fifteen minutes at a stretch.

It occurred to me that prayer itself is a duty for her, something that she can fulfill and, in doing so, experience the satisfaction and security that comes from having a purpose. I had never thought of religion that way, until I watched her anxiety be relieved by the simple recitation of a response.

She’s 91 years old. She’s led a life full of duty and purpose. Now she has none, no real function. She often doesn’t know where she is, whose house she’s in, though she’s lived there with her daughter and son-in-law for years. She isn’t being led where she doesn’t want to go, but she’s living in a powerless and ineffectual state, unsure of why she’s there and what is expected of her. During those moments when she can find nothing to dedicate herself to, she panics.

Her faith is a balm for her. This is the result of no failure of social policy, no lapse in the health care system, no deficiency in our enlightenment: she’s old, experiencing growing senility, and aches to have a purpose. Fulfilling the duties of her faith are a purpose. The fulfillment of those duties is reflexive for her, something so deeply embedded in her that, despite forgetting what she said a moment ago, despite forgetting where she is or who I am or the name of her daughter’s husband, she can nonetheless remember perfectly the rituals of the Catholic Mass she’s attended since her childhood.


I am a man without religious faith, but I appreciate religion. And watching this woman find comfort in something to which she can still devote herself despite her fading abilities, and seeing how much security and peace she derives from it, has left me wishing that everyone should have something so familiar to which to cling in their twilight years.

Published in Religion & Philosophy
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  1. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    There is an essay entitled, What the New Atheists don’t See by Theodore Dalrymple. I suggest giving it a read.

    We really have to grapple with this religion thing because it is a central question to humanity and it simply doesn’t go away. 

    • #1
  2. Patrick McClure Coolidge
    Patrick McClure
    @Patrickb63

    No lecture Henry. Just a word to let you know if you decide to return, the doors are open and you’d be welcome. Faith is a duty. You are correct there.

    • #2
  3. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    This ties in neatly with the book I’m reading: It is Right and Just by Scott Hahn. It includes arguments I have made on Ricochet, such as that religion (definition and morals) and politics (ethics) are separable only as institutions, not in debate or culture. But Hahn’s more basic point is that religion is an inherent duty, among others, because right praise is due to our participating Creator. The Lord needs nothing, but praise is the barest gesture of gratitude for so many gifts we cannot repay. Indeed, Hahn claims that people of the past century understand the word “religion” differently than peoples before us.

    From a Catholic perspective, that old woman’s life remains evidently full of purpose, just considering what you have told us. Prayer is not a consolation prize but the proper beginning of every activity, as it welcomes our Creator into our actions. All we do is by His power. We believe in the communion of saints, which means in those formal prayers she is joining other Christians, alive and dead (souls awaiting resurrection of the body), in group charity and due praise.

    Furthermore, look at how a person in need (especially one with a generous attitude) helps so many other people to grow by outward focus and sacrificial charity. You could probably name half-a-dozen, at least, who by service to this woman regularly offer themselves and aspire to greater love because they are not left to themselves and fleeting pleasures. And that is only what a human being can easily see, and not the sight of God who made and governs all things. Life is rich with purpose even beyond our understanding.

    If one wanders through wilderness without direction, one frets about the outcome. But with a certain path, one is free to enjoy the scenery and each moment. It’s a funny quirk of human nature that even a simple task like folding laundry can silence the many worries competing for attention and keep the body busy so the mind can lift its gaze.

    • #3
  4. Brian Scarborough Coolidge
    Brian Scarborough
    @Teeger

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer. 

    • #4
  5. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer.

    Does G-d respond to Buddhist prayers? Serious question.

    • #5
  6. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer.

    Does G-d respond to Buddhist prayers? Serious question.

    If someone mistook you for someone else or something you are not (wrong profession, for example) and asked you for help, would you deny that person help you could provide? 

    God responds to all who seek Him in good faith but misunderstand. Yet, like you would correct the person in need during or after assistance, so too God calls all people to the full truth. If you love someone, you want him or her to have real understanding of the world and of yourself.

    • #6
  7. PedroIg Member
    PedroIg
    @PedroIg

    Some 50 years ago, my mother put together a pro-life curriculum focused on educating Catholic high school students on the moral and ethical principles behind the “life” issues of abortion, euthanasia, genetic engineering, etc.  Besides applying Scripture, she attempted to buttress the pro-life position with arguments from science, philosophy, etc.  She closed the final chapter on euthanasia with the following excerpt from Kurt Vonnegut’s God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater:

    The problem is this: How to love people who have no use?

    In time, almost all men and women will become worthless as producers of goods, food, services, and more machines, as sources of practical ideas in the areas of economics, engineering, and probably medicine, too. So—if we can’t find reasons and methods for treasuring human beings because they are human beings, then we might as well, as has so often been suggested, rub them out.

    I have no idea whether Vonnegut was aware he was channeling the essence of the pro-life ethic, but he sure as hell did a fantastic job.  Learning to love people who have no (and may I insert the word “apparent” here) use.  That’s what it’s all about.  Keep down that path, Hank, and you’ll surely find God.

    • #7
  8. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    PedroIg (View Comment):

    Some 50 years ago, my mother put together a pro-life curriculum focused on educating Catholic high school students on the moral and ethical principles behind the “life” issues of abortion, euthanasia, genetic engineering, etc. Besides applying Scripture, she attempted to buttress the pro-life position with arguments from science, philosophy, etc. She closed the final chapter on euthanasia with the following excerpt from Kurt Vonnegut’s God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater:

    The problem is this: How to love people who have no use?

    In time, almost all men and women will become worthless as producers of goods, food, services, and more machines, as sources of practical ideas in the areas of economics, engineering, and probably medicine, too. So—if we can’t find reasons and methods for treasuring human beings because they are human beings, then we might as well, as has so often been suggested, rub them out.

    I have no idea whether Vonnegut was aware he was channeling the essence of the pro-life ethic, but he sure as hell did a fantastic job. Learning to love people who have no (and may I insert the word “apparent” here) use. That’s what it’s all about. Keep down that path, Hank, and you’ll surely find God.

    You may not have heard but I am pro-genetic engineering. 

    • #8
  9. Brian Scarborough Coolidge
    Brian Scarborough
    @Teeger

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer.

    Does G-d respond to Buddhist prayers? Serious question.

    Buddhists do not have a god. Christians and Jews each have a covenant with God. He responds according to those covenants. Buddhists have no such covenant so God does not have to respond to them. 

    • #9
  10. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer.

    Does G-d respond to Buddhist prayers? Serious question.

    Buddhists do not have a god. Christians and Jews each have a covenant with God. He responds according to those covenants. Buddhists have no such covenant so God does not have to respond to them.

    I think most Buddhists believe in G-d though a G-d isn’t relevant to Buddhism. You can also worship other gods as you please. I recommend Mat-Tzu.

    • #10
  11. Brian Scarborough Coolidge
    Brian Scarborough
    @Teeger

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer.

    Does G-d respond to Buddhist prayers? Serious question.

    Buddhists do not have a god. Christians and Jews each have a covenant with God. He responds according to those covenants. Buddhists have no such covenant so God does not have to respond to them.

    I think most Buddhists believe in G-d though a G-d isn’t relevant to Buddhism. You can also worship other gods as you please. I recommend Mat-Tzu.

    Partial correction: Buddhists may believe in a Creator-God, but Buddhism officially has no god though many Buddhists actually worship idols. 

    On the other hand, as a Bible-believing Christian, I do not believe that it is okay with God that we worship other gods (though there are not truly other gods, only idols). Since we have free will we can worship gods but that does not mean that God accepts it. He is the one who makes the rules and we must worship Him and believe in Him as He has prescribed in the scriptures.

    • #11
  12. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I would suggest (strongly) that it is not the ritual which helps this woman but God who responds to her prayer.

    Does G-d respond to Buddhist prayers? Serious question.

    Buddhists do not have a god. Christians and Jews each have a covenant with God. He responds according to those covenants. Buddhists have no such covenant so God does not have to respond to them.

    I think most Buddhists believe in G-d though a G-d isn’t relevant to Buddhism. You can also worship other gods as you please. I recommend Mat-Tzu.

    Partial correction: Buddhists may believe in a Creator-God, but Buddhism officially has no god though many Buddhists actually worship idols.

    On the other hand, as a Bible-believing Christian, I do not believe that it is okay with God that we worship other gods (though there are not truly other gods, only idols). Since we have free will we can worship gods but that does not mean that God accepts it. He is the one who makes the rules and we must worship Him and believe in Him as He has prescribed in the scriptures.

    Should we rather say “Buddhism has no official god”?

    • #12
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