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I feel like I should apologize. I don’t know why, but it seems to be the trendy thing to do these days.
Going through life with poorly pigmented skin, I, of course, say and do bigoted things and I would like to apologize for the following:
- When COVID started and I said, “Maybe people shouldn’t eat bats.” I apologize to the people of China for that statement and acknowledge the inherent racism in that statement.
- Months later when I said, “COVID probably didn’t come from a bat,” I realize that too is racist and ask the nation of China to forgive me.
- For the time I tried to argue that, “Technically, only Hitler can be ‘literally’ Hitler,” I am sorry. What I thought was logic was really just excusing hate.
- For that time when I was 12 and repeated an ethnic joke, I apologize. Years later, when I met a Polish electrician, I realized that he could change a lightbulb all by himself and did not need two other countrymen to turn that ladder while he held the bulb. It was ignorant of me to suggest otherwise.
- Along those lines, I now know that the Italian Sparrow, and not the fly, is the national bird of Italy. Sorry.
- When asked, “What can a man do that a woman can’t?” I once flippantly replied, “Write their name in the snow.” My comment ignored the “fact” that many women have penises.
- For using scare quotes around the word fact in my statement above, I apologize.
- For finding attractive women more desirable than unattractive ones, I apologize. Sure, youthful drunkenness helped me overcome that phobia a few times in the past, but there is still no excuse for lookism.
- For the time in church when I said, “Please rise and sing Hymn #136,” I apologize for my cavalier attitude. Obviously, a paralyzed person would have felt uncomfortable with that command. The fact that there weren’t any paralyzed people in church that day is no excuse for ableism.
- For asking, “Baby-Daddy? Don’t you mean father?” I am sorry. It seemed like a reasonable question at the time.
- For suggesting that, “burning down Black-owned businesses may not be the best way to combat racism against Black people,” I apologize. That was my privilege speaking.
- For suggesting that, “maybe the 2016 election was fair and not rigged by Russia,” I apologize.
- For suggesting in 2020 that, “perhaps there was at least some level of fraud.” I was mistaken. I have now been told that it is impossible for there to ever be any fraud in an election. Why would I have ever thought otherwise?
- For the numerous non-controversial statements I have made that may someday become controversial, I apologize in advance.
Thank you and please don’t cancel me.Published in