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Seeing Time Differently
I realized early on that my beloved and I approach time very differently. Case in point: our recent trip. We were going to head out on a real vacation for the first time in over a year. Besides driving to our first stop, we had a couple of errands to run on our way out of town, and the wife announced that we’d be ok if we left at ten minutes to nine on that Friday.
OK, good – I have my mission. Ten minutes to nine. I am 100% committed to that departure time. For the preceding 24 hours, everything I do will be geared toward making sure that at ten minutes to nine we are in the car and headed down the driveway. When we do that, some small part of the universe will be in perfect order.
Now, I know from experience that she doesn’t like it when I hover and look at my watch, so on Friday morning I’m giving her space and doing whatever I can control. My stuff is packed and in the car, along with almost everything else we are bringing along. I’ve patrolled the house to make sure no water is running, the lights are off, things that don’t need to be on have been turned off and maybe even unplugged, the windows are all closed and latched. We’re good.
But it’s past eight thirty and I’m getting nervous. I feel like there’s a doomsday clock counting down. Where is she? Finally, I can’t take it any more so I check on her. She’s brushing her teeth, not dressed, not finished packing. “What time is it?” she asks. “Ten to nine” I say, trying hide my dismay. “Good,” she says. “We’re right on time.”
Right on time?? Right on time??
I swallow my despair and do the only thing I know to do: patrol the house a few more times. We left a half-hour later. Right on “time.”
Published in General
German on my father’s side.
West.
Au contraire. I respect the clock. It used to grate on my nerves when co-workers (okay, yes, female) would call and say “I’m on my way.” Then arrive long after the time it reasonably could have taken them to travel. I never knew exactly what “on my way” meant to them, but it wasn’t what it meant to me, i.e., I’m in my car and the wheels are turning.
Showing up early for a social event at a friend’s house is 100% more rude than showing up late. Sorry, but it’s true. Now, showing up early to a movie or a dinner reservation is different.
Eh. People opening their home to entertaining should aim to be ready 10 minutes before time, barring hot food. Gives you time to freshen up and relax before guests arrive.
Well understand your comment about “on my way”. In a similar way,”bedtime” to me means, “lights out”. To my wife it means time to think about beginning to get ready to go to bed.
My guess is that People who are themselves late for being ready to have guests arrive, will probably figure that others are the same and would therefore plan to be late arriving, since their hosts probably won’t be ready for them to arrive on-time.
And guests who plan on being late are aware that they’re expected to be late and that the hosts will be relying on their lateness, and so will be ready late themselves. So the guests will be later still.
If the hosts ever figure out what the guests are really thinking the evening will never take place.
Doubtful. But if the hosts also invite people who they know are routinely on time or even early, it would probably be smart to be ready early too.
Well, here’s the thing about people who are consistently late. They think their time is more valuable than your time. They will NEVER admit this, but that’s what it is. Whatever they are doing that makes them run late is more important than you are.
I remember reading an article and the author said, “Here’s the thing that late people don’t understand – we hate you.” I understand the sentiment, but before I get to that point with a friend or acquaintance – I stop making plans with them. Or when they are late, we just go ahead and start (on time) without them. People who are late can only control you if you let them.
Yeah, I was just extrapolating on the, ever present in my mind, advanced logic of Vizzini in The Princess Bride. Now a really clever guest…
That’s why I left my dentist after waiting 15 minutes. I’m looking for a new one. I was on time. I’m not quite sure why she couldn’t be.
My sister who was always late – was never late for work and never late for a date. But those were the only situations where she was on time. Which shows that she actually COULD be on time if it was important enough. She was even 15 minutes late to her own wedding – because she knew they couldn’t start without her.
Many years ago Mrs. Tabby and I invited a then co-worker to have dinner at our house. He was always at least 30 minutes late to any evening function. (He always had “just one more quick thing to do at the office.”) So we gave him a dinner time 30 minutes prior to when we actually expected to have dinner ready. Lo and behold, this one time, for the first time since I had known, him he showed up at the time we told him! Fortunately we were ready to receive him, but boy were we startled when he pulled into the driveway.
In that era in our profession (patent law), certain deadlines could be met by depositing documents with USPS “Express Mail” (and getting a receipt from the USPS). Getting the receipt meant we had to get to the post office before the post office closed. The post office at the USPS regional processing center stayed open until 7 p.m., so this coworker was often keeping the office staff in our office late to finish things up so he could drive the documents to that post office by 7 p.m.. Then I discovered that if I went around to the loading dock at the back of the processing center after the post office closed but before midnight, the USPS staff back there would stamp my Express Mail as received on that day. My office staff successfully begged me never to tell our perpetually tardy coworker about that, lest he push the deadlines even closer.
For the record, we did manage to get everything done we needed to that day, so maybe she did pad the departure time a little.
And just so you know, whenever I write about my wife I have her read it first and get her approval.