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  1. Profile Photo Inactive
    @CasBalicki

    I haven’t seen my daughters in years, and it has not been for any lack of trying on my part. The mistake I made has worked assiduously at keeping them from establishing a relationship with me. So, here’s the point: it doesn’t matter what’s open on Christmas Day if your heart is closed. Merry Christmas to all, it really is a very, very good day.

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  2. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.: It’s nothing, I promise. Get some sleep. · Dec 24 at 9:58pm

    I sometimes feel the urge to bark.

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  3. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius

    Well, I’m still up.

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  4. Profile Photo Editor
    @Claire

    That’s a statement of fact, not a kvetch.

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  5. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.: That’s a statement of fact, not a kvetch. · Dec 24 at 9:13pm

    Sigh. I’m up, but I should be in bed, though I’m not really tired, but I should do my rehab exercises, but I’m too tired for that, and I don’t want to eat, but I am kind of hungry, but, gah, the grocery stores are closed, what are the fasting rules again between Christmas Eve and Christmas? Is there an exclusionary clause? Relevant constitutional amendment? Label warning?

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  6. Profile Photo Editor
    @Claire

    You’re getting there, but you have to hint that whatever it is, it might be cancer.

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  7. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.: You’re getting there, but you have to hint that whatever it is, it might be cancer. · Dec 24 at 9:27pm

    I had cysts removed from my scalp last week.

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  8. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius
    Pseudodionysius

    Claire Berlinski, Ed.: You’re getting there, but you have to hint that whatever it is, it might be cancer. · Dec 24 at 9:27pm

    I had cysts removed from my scalp last week. · Dec 24 at 9:29pm

    Perhaps they were listening devices?

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  9. Profile Photo Editor
    @Claire

    There you go. Now you need to insist that no one should worry and you don’t want to be a nuisance to your family.

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  10. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.: There you go. Now you need to insist that no one should worry and you don’t want to be a nuisance to your family. · Dec 24 at 9:32pm

    Yes, of course. Despite the copious bleeding, light headedness, and potential traffic accidents as I pass in and out of consciousness on the New Jersey turnpike, I’m sure I’ll be fine. Forget I said anything. Enjoy the veal.

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  11. Profile Photo Editor
    @Claire

    Oy. Way too heavy-handed. Here’s how you do it: “The doctor says it’s probably just allergies.”

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  12. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.: Oy. Way too heavy-handed. Here’s how you do it: “The doctor says it’s probably just allergies.” · Dec 24 at 9:46pm

    Gotcha.Went a little too Pee Wee Herman Toe Walking there:

    They usually call back in a week to clear the cysts. Its been two and I haven’t heard anything. Probably nothing.

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  13. Profile Photo Editor
    @Claire

    It’s nothing, I promise. Get some sleep.

    • #13
  14. Profile Photo Inactive
    @MorituriTe

    Oy! The crowds at the mall gave me a headache! At least I think it was the crowds, though they say that cell phones are giving us all brain cancer, so maybe it’s a tumor. That would be great, I just paid for a new gym membership and now I maybe have cancer? Who cares how good my muscles are if I don’t have any hair, and then I get sores. My aunt got sores, you should have seen her! And with maybe cancer I have to stand in line at all the stores now? What’s with the [gentiles], they don’t know what date is their Christmas? They can’t maybe shop in advance or order online? Although this Interweb is so complicated, who can figure out how to place an order, my uncle Saul thought he was ordering a book and they showed up at his house with a refrigerator. A refrigerator, can you imagine? So he calls my cousin Finkel, you know, the one with the limp, he’s a lawyer, and asks him what to do, and Finkel says you think I want to do this on my day off? And then …

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  15. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DouglasPologe

    Dear Claire,

    This time of the year always makes me so confused! Every place I go, people are planting trees in the middle of their houses! I ask them “Why is there a tree in the middle of your house? Who do you think you are, Paul Bunyan or something? Tarzan maybe?”. They just ask me if I’m stupid or something, and never invite me back.

    Are people like this in Turkey, also? There’s just got to be a better way.

    Ignorant in Indianapolis

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  16. Profile Photo Member
    @BillWalsh

    Well, Claire, it’s so nice you’d organize something like this for your little Internet friends. I mean, since you came home to your family and all.

    Oh.

    You’re still in Turkey.

    Well.

    That’s really nice, too. Or so I hear from your mother, since the Turkish Post Office must be losing your letters to me. That must be a hardship for you.

    Your brother is in Haiti, still, why I do not know. But what a beautiful child he has. Children are such a blessing.

    Your father I saw on the C-SPAN. Maybe I’ll see him around again before they put me in the ground, not that I want anyone to come for my funeral. People can just remember me as I am. Which isn’t so good, but don’t you worry. These doctors they just rob you and lie to you.

    Anyone else think this chicken is a little stringy? No, don’t complain. You don’t know what they’ll do to the food.

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  17. Profile Photo Inactive
    @RobertBennett

    I had some delicious Chinese last night, and saw True Grit. True Grit was excellent.

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  18. Profile Photo Member
    @Fress

    In typical, for him, spirit my very Jewish Dad insists on throwing a yearly Christmas party for the non-Jews in the family. The boyfriends, in-laws & the closest friends. It’s the works, tree, presents, turkey, little glass balls & enough fruit cake to put you in a diabetic coma. But no traife. It’s kind of a Jewish Christmas with Nana fussing & over-feeding & Zaide cracking jokes. It all goes swimmingly until one of the little kids in a frenzy of present unwrapping yells out ‘This is better than Chanukah!!’ Silence. All eyes on Zaide because no one wants to see the old guy unhappy. My non-Jewish cousin, the forensic dentist, calls out ‘A hearty Mazel Tov to Christmas and a big Lechaim to Zaide!’ & it works. Dad says my cousin’s Yiddish could use a little improving but not bad.

    That’s my Jewish Christmas.

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  19. Profile Photo Editor
    @Claire
    Bill Walsh: Well, Claire, it’s so nice you’d organize something like this for your little Internet friends. I mean, since you came home to your family and all.

    Oh.

    You’re still in Turkey.

    Well.

    That’s really nice, too. Or so I hear from your mother, since the Turkish Post Office must be losing your letters to me. That must be a hardship for you.

    Your brother is in Haiti, still, why I do not know. But what a beautiful child he has. Children are such a blessing.

    Your father I saw on the C-SPAN. Maybe I’ll see him around again before they put me in the ground, not that I want anyone to come for my funeral. People can just remember me as I am. Which isn’t so good, but don’t you worry. These doctors they just rob you and lie to you.

    Anyone else think this chicken is a little stringy? No, don’t complain. You don’t know what they’ll do to the food. · Dec 24 at 10:36pm

    Is there no one who isn’t listening to my phone calls?

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  20. Profile Photo Member
    @BillWalsh
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.

    Is there no one who isn’t listening to my phone calls? · Dec 24 at 11:09pm

    My guy at MİT just e-mails me the transcripts. He said to say thanks for upgrading your DSL—a lot less interference on their end now.

    Ho ho ho.

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  21. Profile Photo Inactive
    @walking

    Sigh…it’s just me and the wife today…no kids…but I’m sure it’s my fault. although my present was very nice…even though I had to spend my afternoon figuring out how to make it work…I guess I’m not smart enough like these kids today…but maybe I’ll be able to use it.

    The idea of Chinese reminds me of one of my very favorite Christmas dinners. Our family has a tradition of huge Christmas dinners (if you can’t serve enough to feed a small city, then don’t bother) and the dinner is like kabuki – the same food served in the same dishes and enjoyed the same way every year. The last Christmas before my mother died, she took us to a small historic village for Christmas. When it came time for dinner, we found that small historic villages do not have a lot of restaurants to choose from. That Christmas, we enjoyed dinner at a tiny Chinese place alongside the owner’s family who were there to close and enjoy a family celebration. Amazing and still tear inducing.

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  22. Profile Photo Member
    @StuartCreque

    My wife works as a telephone advice nurse for a HMO in Northern California. She says last night, the Jewish doctors took the first shift for on-call consultations, and then at about 10 PM, the Chinese doctors took over. She left before 2 AM, which is probably when the Indian relief doctors started their shift.

    I was thinking, without Jewish, Chinese and Indian doctors, who’d take care of the goyim on Christmas… and then I edited myself: without Jewish, Chinese and Indian doctors, who’d take care of the goyim?

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  23. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Bill Walsh (View Comment):
    You’re still in Turkey.

    Claire doesn’t live in Turkey anymore

    • #23
  24. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Robert Bennett (View Comment):
    I had some delicious Chinese last night, and saw True Grit. True Grit was excellent.

    The real one with John Wayne, or the fake one with Jeff Bridges?

    • #24
  25. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    I’m not Jewish, but I thought my Jewish friends might be interested in this article at Mental Floss, “The Fascinating History Behind Why Jewish Families Eat Chinese Food on Christmas.”

    • #25
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