Broken Windows

 

Well, this is a bit of a surprise…Bill and Melinda Gates announce divorce after 27 years of marriage. In case that’s behind the paywall, here’s another report: Bill and Melinda Gates Divorce. I must say, I find their stated reason, that (emphasis added):

After a great deal of thought and a lot of work, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Over the last 27 years, we have raised three incredible children and built a foundation that works all over the world to enable all people to lead healthy, productive lives.

We continue to share a belief in that mission and will continue to work together at the foundation, but we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives.

…rather selfish.

You don’t believe you can….?  You’re two of the richest, and supposedly smartest, people in the world. So figure out how to, why don’t ‘cha? And then make it work. 

Crimenutely.

It ain’t, as they say, rocket science. (That’s Elon Musk’s department). Jeff Bezos has already cornered the “act like a horny frat boy” angle. So perhaps this is all they could come up with.

I don’t want to go all movie review on you, but this so reminds me of why I disliked  LaLaLand so much.

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  1. Spin Inactive
    Spin
    @Spin

    David Foster (View Comment):

    Spin (View Comment):
    Perhaps my view of Bill Gates is colored by the fact that I’ve actually met the man, and had a conversation with him.

    I haven’t met him, but a friend who was a very successful startup CEO…a guy with extraordinary social skills and perceptiveness…attended a dinner event with him. His remark was “treated everybody with a lot of respect–waiters and busboys and all. Except the media–wasn’t so nice to them.”

    My very first interaction was somewhat irritating, but not because of Gates.  If anything, it endeared me somewhat to the guy.  There was this cat who wanted a photo of himself with Gates, and asked me to take it.  He had one of those point and shoot cameras.  He hands it to me and says “I’m going to ask Bill if I can get a photo with him, here take the photo!”  I was a bit nervous because a:  I hate that “Hey can I get my photo with you?!” and b: it’s Bill Gates.  Well Gates agrees to the photo, and there’s me with the camera.  I go to take it, but I press the power button instead of the shutter button.  Bill smiles and says “I think you turned it off.”  I felt like a total dope, but he was gracious and waited for me to turn it back on.  

    • #61
  2. Lilly B Coolidge
    Lilly B
    @LillyB

    She (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    She:

    I don’t want to go all movie review on you, but this so reminds me of why I disliked LaLaLand so much.

    Yes! I was just having this discussion with my daughter the other day (we had just listened to City of Stars – we can critique the music another day).

    I just think it’s the perfect movie for the times. And not in a good way.

    Perhaps a topic for another post? 

    • #62
  3. She Member
    She
    @She

    Spin (View Comment):
    Maybe if we all spent as much time being concerned about our neighbor’s divorce as are about Bill and Melinda’s, the world would be a better place.  (He said from his high horse)

    Your parenthetical is noted, but I’m not sure what it is about either the post or any of the comments which has led you to conclude that the participants here are not, or would not be, as concerned about their neighbor’s divorce as they are about Bill and Melinda’s.  Surely it is possible to be privately concerned about the state of one’s neighbor’s soul at the same time as one is passing comment on what is, for better or worse (for richer for poorer, etc. etc. etc.) one of the day’s public news stories.  

    I think it is.  Or at least, I hope so.

    • #63
  4. She Member
    She
    @She

    Hang On (View Comment):
    And she is the one who filed for divorce.

    I don’t know that I put much stock in who filed.  From my own observation of friends and family members who’ve gotten divorced, as well as from the perspective of someone (me) who worked in a law firm for a few years some decades ago, who “files,” in the case of a reasonably amicable divorce in which the parties are, and intend to remain, relatively civil, is often negotiated.  And often the woman files because, traditionally, that frees her of the stigma of having been publicly dumped by her guy.  (Archaic, I know.)

    • #64
  5. She Member
    She
    @She

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    She:

    I don’t want to go all movie review on you, but this so reminds me of why I disliked LaLaLand so much.

    Yes! I was just having this discussion with my daughter the other day (we had just listened to City of Stars – we can critique the music another day).

    I just think it’s the perfect movie for the times. And not in a good way.

    Perhaps a topic for another post?

    How about we put our heads together for that and write a joint post?  It’ll have to be under one or the other of our bylines, but we could pool our ideas?  PM me if you’re interested.

    • #65
  6. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    She (View Comment):

    Hang On (View Comment):
    And she is the one who filed for divorce.

    I don’t know that I put much stock in who filed. From my own observation of friends and family members who’ve gotten divorced, as well as from the perspective of someone (me) who worked in a law firm for a few years some decades ago, who “files,” in the case of a reasonably amicable divorce in which the parties are, and intend to remain, relatively civil, is often negotiated. And often the woman files because, traditionally, that frees her of the stigma of having been publicly dumped by her guy. (Archaic, I know.)

    The ToL article stated that the two would still work closely together on foundation projects, so it seems an amicable parting.

    • #66
  7. Spin Inactive
    Spin
    @Spin

    She (View Comment):

    Spin (View Comment):
    Maybe if we all spent as much time being concerned about our neighbor’s divorce as are about Bill and Melinda’s, the world would be a better place. (He said from his high horse)

    Your parenthetical is noted, but I’m not sure what it is about either the post or any of the comments which has led you to conclude that the participants here are not, or would not be, as concerned about their neighbor’s divorce as they are about Bill and Melinda’s. Surely it is possible to be privately concerned about the state of one’s neighbor’s soul at the same time as one is passing comment on what is, for better or worse (for richer for poorer, etc. etc. etc.) one of the day’s public news stories.

    I think it is. Or at least, I hope so.

    Not really about this post, just a broader thought on the topic.  I realize it sounds all moralistic, which I don’t really intend.  

    We’ll talk about the public divorces, but do we talk about or do anything about our friends.  I’ll admit, this is a bit personal for me on two fronts:

    First, we have some friends and I think they are navigating deep marital crisis.  Do I ay anything?  Do I do anything?  Is it my place?  I want to help, but I’m afraid of losing the friendship.  

    Second, my wife and I nearly divorced at a particular point in our marriage.  I have to think that the signs were there for others to see.  Maybe not.  Guess who came and helped?  Go ahead.  Nobody.  Not a soul.  Now, I don’t blame anyone, because, ya know, see point one.  

    But reading through the post and the comments and thinking about it made me think about what we do, if anything, when we see or suspect folks are struggling.  That’s all.

    • #67
  8. She Member
    She
    @She

    Spin (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Spin (View Comment):
    Maybe if we all spent as much time being concerned about our neighbor’s divorce as are about Bill and Melinda’s, the world would be a better place. (He said from his high horse)

    Your parenthetical is noted, but I’m not sure what it is about either the post or any of the comments which has led you to conclude that the participants here are not, or would not be, as concerned about their neighbor’s divorce as they are about Bill and Melinda’s. Surely it is possible to be privately concerned about the state of one’s neighbor’s soul at the same time as one is passing comment on what is, for better or worse (for richer for poorer, etc. etc. etc.) one of the day’s public news stories.

    I think it is. Or at least, I hope so.

    Not really about this post, just a broader thought on the topic. I realize it sounds all moralistic, which I don’t really intend.

    Check.

    We’ll talk about the public divorces, but do we talk about or do anything about our friends. I’ll admit, this is a bit personal for me on two fronts:

    First, we have some friends and I think they are navigating deep marital crisis. Do I ay anything? Do I do anything? Is it my place? I want to help, but I’m afraid of losing the friendship.

    That’s a difficult issue and one which only you can answer, I think.  My own instinct (so sue me) is to speak out, because I don’t want to be stuck, down the road with the “I wish I’d said something” regret.  But that assumes that the other party will tell me to butt out, with no ill-feeling, if they don’t want to hear what I have to say.  That may not be the case here, and if it isn’t, you run the risk of being stuck, down the road with the “I wish I’d kept my mouth shut” regret.  Pick one, and live with the fallout.  That’s my best advice.

    Second, my wife and I nearly divorced at a particular point in our marriage. I have to think that the signs were there for others to see. Maybe not. Guess who came and helped? Go ahead. Nobody. Not a soul. Now, I don’t blame anyone, because, ya know, see point one.

    Mr. She and I had our rough spots too.  And I can’t help but think that one of the reasons that we didn’t get a lot of help or insight from our friends and neighbors (most of whom probably saw the signs too) is that our antennae were in defensive mode, and that most of our friends shied away from getting involved. (We did have one painfully honest couple who said a few things, and our friendship survived.  Perhaps their intervention even helped.  But they had to be incredibly brave–which they were–to offer it, in the face of our own resistance.) 

    But reading through the post and the comments and thinking about it made me think about what we do, if anything, when we see or suspect folks are struggling. That’s all.

    I appreciate such an honest repsonse.

     

    • #68
  9. CACrabtree Coolidge
    CACrabtree
    @CACrabtree

    Hang On (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Hang On (View Comment):
    And she is the one who filed for divorce.

    I don’t know that I put much stock in who filed. From my own observation of friends and family members who’ve gotten divorced, as well as from the perspective of someone (me) who worked in a law firm for a few years some decades ago, who “files,” in the case of a reasonably amicable divorce in which the parties are, and intend to remain, relatively civil, is often negotiated. And often the woman files because, traditionally, that frees her of the stigma of having been publicly dumped by her guy. (Archaic, I know.)

    The ToL article stated that the two would still work closely together on foundation projects, so it seems an amicable parting.

    Hmmm.  Well, if we see that she’s going out with Larry Ellison, we’ll know things are going south…(those of you in I.T. know what I’m talking about).

    • #69
  10. Eugene Kriegsmann Member
    Eugene Kriegsmann
    @EugeneKriegsmann

    To quote another great thinker, Willie Nelson: “Money is the greatest aphrodisiac.” I suppose even money has a freshness date.

    • #70
  11. She Member
    She
    @She

    CACrabtree (View Comment):

    Hang On (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Hang On (View Comment):
    And she is the one who filed for divorce.

    I don’t know that I put much stock in who filed. From my own observation of friends and family members who’ve gotten divorced, as well as from the perspective of someone (me) who worked in a law firm for a few years some decades ago, who “files,” in the case of a reasonably amicable divorce in which the parties are, and intend to remain, relatively civil, is often negotiated. And often the woman files because, traditionally, that frees her of the stigma of having been publicly dumped by her guy. (Archaic, I know.)

    The ToL article stated that the two would still work closely together on foundation projects, so it seems an amicable parting.

    Hmmm. Well, if we see that she’s going out with Larry Ellison, we’ll know things are going south…(those of you in I.T. know what I’m talking about).

    Not sure that I do, other than Larry’s almost lifelong obsession with getting the better of Bill, WRT who’s the more important, or richest guy on the IT spectrum.  

    • #71
  12. CACrabtree Coolidge
    CACrabtree
    @CACrabtree

    She (View Comment):

    CACrabtree (View Comment):

    Hang On (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Hang On (View Comment):
    And she is the one who filed for divorce.

    I don’t know that I put much stock in who filed. From my own observation of friends and family members who’ve gotten divorced, as well as from the perspective of someone (me) who worked in a law firm for a few years some decades ago, who “files,” in the case of a reasonably amicable divorce in which the parties are, and intend to remain, relatively civil, is often negotiated. And often the woman files because, traditionally, that frees her of the stigma of having been publicly dumped by her guy. (Archaic, I know.)

    The ToL article stated that the two would still work closely together on foundation projects, so it seems an amicable parting.

    Hmmm. Well, if we see that she’s going out with Larry Ellison, we’ll know things are going south…(those of you in I.T. know what I’m talking about).

    Not sure that I do, other than Larry’s almost lifelong obsession with getting the better of Bill, WRT who’s the more important, or richest guy on the IT spectrum.

    That’s exactly what I’m talking about.  And “lifelong obsession” is a good way to describe it.

    • #72
  13. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Eugene Kriegsmann (View Comment):

    To quote another great thinker, Willie Nelson: “Money is the greatest aphrodisiac.” I suppose even money has a freshness date.

    It’s not like she won’t still have lots of money.  Who knows, maybe John Kerry will be calling on her.

    • #73
  14. She Member
    She
    @She

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Eugene Kriegsmann (View Comment):

    To quote another great thinker, Willie Nelson: “Money is the greatest aphrodisiac.” I suppose even money has a freshness date.

    It’s not like she won’t still have lots of money. Who knows, maybe John Kerry will be calling on her.

    Yep.  Willie:

    • #74
  15. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Democracy) Coolidge
    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Democracy)
    @GumbyMark

    She (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    She:

    I don’t want to go all movie review on you, but this so reminds me of why I disliked LaLaLand so much.

    Yes! I was just having this discussion with my daughter the other day (we had just listened to City of Stars – we can critique the music another day).

    I just think it’s the perfect movie for the times. And not in a good way.

    Perhaps a topic for another post?

    How about we put our heads together for that and write a joint post? It’ll have to be under one or the other of our bylines, but we could pool our ideas? PM me if you’re interested.

    I liked the lead actors so watched it.  Kept waiting for it to get better.  It didn’t.  It got worse.  Really disliked it. 

    • #75
  16. Roderic Coolidge
    Roderic
    @rhfabian

    Having seen Melinda talk about Bill in a documentary on Netflix I have to say she has issues.  Dissing him right and left in public.  It was pretty clear they were not getting along.

    It makes me think that he’ll be much happier now.

    • #76
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