Hooray for The Greater Landover White People!

 

The Washington Redskins were a football team in the NFL for decades, but recently changed their name to “The Washington Football Team” in a selfless, heroic attempt to appease a few unappeasable nincompoops.  The owners emphasized that this new, if uninspired, name was only temporary, once they figured out a way to appease the unappeasable.  They seem surprised that this is turning out to be so difficult.  A “journalist” from a local “newspaper” called The Washington Post recently wrote an article suggesting creative ways to be offended by names that the owners had proposed for the expressed purpose of not offending anybody.

I hope the “leaders” of this “football team” will see fit to listen to suggestions from a lowly football fan like myself.  I am here to help.  First, let’s not base our enjoyment of football on a lie, shall we?  The Washington Football Team does not play in Washington D.C. – they play at FedEx Field, which is in Greater Landover, Maryland.  This location has many advantages over Washington D.C., not the least of which is that their fans are less likely to die in drive-by shootings as they leave the stadium.  Dead people may vote in Washington D.C., but they do not purchase football tickets.  The name of their team should reflect where the team actually plays, right?  Of course!  So, Greater Landover it is!

I would also choose a team name representing a group that has been so vilified in the public sphere that they have lost the ability to be offended:  white people.  What can they say?  Nothing.  If they complain, that’s only because they’re racist Republicans.  So that seals it:  Let’s hear three big cheers for The Greater Landover White People!  Go Team!

A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection.  Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

But I’m not sure that The Greater Landover Unscrupulous Deceitful Lobbyists would inspire much of a following.  I suppose the souvenir stand could stop selling over-priced jerseys & backpacks and start selling over-priced suits and briefcases.  The home stands would have a distinctive look, with thousands of people in navy blue suits chugging moderately priced Pinot Noir.  Instead of throwing confetti, they could exchange business cards with one another.  Worth a thought, but I really don’t think that’s their best option.

So allow me to be the first of many to cheer for The Greater Landover White People!  Go Team!

Gosh.  I feel so oppressed, I’m considering stealing a 65 inch Sony from Best Buy.  That should help.

I wonder if the Cowboys are on?

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  1. JosePluma Coolidge
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    I wonder if the Cowboys are on?

    I wonder if anything but football is on.  Well, what do you know, there is.

    • #31
  2. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    I already reserved this for the Atlanta baseball team in response to their current turmoil.

    That was the name of the Atlanta team before the Braves came to town.

    I was their batboy in 1950. And I’m a bonafide Cracker.

    Wow! That is SO COOL!!!

    Do you have any pictures?

    No, it was more of an unofficial position that served to get me into the games free and take home broken bats and baseballs. Taking photographs was nothing like today. There was one little Brownie camera in my family but not mine. I would thumb a ride to the games and I’m sure I missed as many as I attended. There were some really good players on that team. Eddie Mathews and Art Fowler are two that some Ricochet might remember and I followed them for many years after. And in 1949 Earl Mann, the team owner, traded Ernie Harwell, the teams radio announcer, to the Brooklyn Dodgers for Cliff Dapper, a catcher who became the player/manager that year. When I didn’t go to a game I would listen before going to sleep at night.

    My family was dirt poor but I enjoyed life and had fun. Notably for today’s world, all those ballplayers were white guys.

    • #32
  3. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Saint Augustine (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection. Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

    The Washington Pestilence.

    The Washington Liars.

    Redundant.

    • #33
  4. cqness Inactive
    cqness
    @cqness

    ‘Woke never sleeps’ <—- hey, it’s in the name

    I like the name Washington Football Team as well.  I think it’s a subtle jab at the wokesters that they can’t quite comprehend and it bothers them.  

    • #34
  5. Nanocelt TheContrarian Member
    Nanocelt TheContrarian
    @NanoceltTheContrarian

    Remember the old, old days when there was a Washington baseball team named the Senators? Now I guess that name would draw hatred from everyone. Not an option. 

    Washington Bureaucrats?  Frightening.

    • #35
  6. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Muleskinner, Weasel Wrangler (View Comment):

    Rent-seeking weasels come to mind.

    Yes!  The Washington Weasels!

    • #36
  7. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Muleskinner, Weasel Wrangler (View Comment):

    Rent-seeking weasels come to mind.

    Yes! The Washington Weasels!

    How did you ever think of that?

    • #37
  8. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    Possible names

    Keep the “Redskins” but replace the emblem with a Red Skin potato

    Other Names

    Washington Red tape

    DC Deficits

     

     

     

     

    • #38
  9. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    GlennAmurgis (View Comment):

    My Steelers will be next –

    Just the amount of green house gasses produced by the steel industry will get it canceled

    Woke never sleeps

     

    My 4 year old grandson thinks the Steelers are the “Stealers” because they try to “steal” the ball from the other team. (He doesn’t know spelling, but he knows the meaning of “stealing” as a verb. His father, our son-in-law, grew up near Pittsburgh.)

    • #39
  10. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Nanocelt TheContrarian (View Comment):

    Remember the old, old days when there was a Washington baseball team named the Senators? Now I guess that name would draw hatred from everyone. Not an option.

    And the Bullets until that became troublesome too.

    • #40
  11. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Hoyacon (View Comment):

    DonG (2+2=5. Say it!) (View Comment):

    I like “Washington Football Team”. It sounds trendy like all the new pro soccer teams. If I had to pick a silly name, I would go with a collective noun like “Washington Corruption”.

    Seconded. WFT (as it’s known in the DC area) is the perfect inoffensive name for our ridiculous age. I’d stick with it.

    This would suit me if they practiced and played in Washington.

    • #41
  12. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    I think they should call them WAP.  They even already have a theme song.  

    • #42
  13. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    GlennAmurgis (View Comment):
    Keep the “Redskins” but replace the emblem with a Red Skin potato

    Or the peanuts . . .

    • #43
  14. Dan Campbell Member
    Dan Campbell
    @DanCampbell

    GlennAmurgis (View Comment):
    Keep the “Redskins” but replace the emblem with a Red Skin potato

    Already been done.

    • #44
  15. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    I’m pulling for The Greater Landover K-Street Grifters.

     

    • #45
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