Hooray for The Greater Landover White People!

 

The Washington Redskins were a football team in the NFL for decades, but recently changed their name to “The Washington Football Team” in a selfless, heroic attempt to appease a few unappeasable nincompoops.  The owners emphasized that this new, if uninspired, name was only temporary, once they figured out a way to appease the unappeasable.  They seem surprised that this is turning out to be so difficult.  A “journalist” from a local “newspaper” called The Washington Post recently wrote an article suggesting creative ways to be offended by names that the owners had proposed for the expressed purpose of not offending anybody.

I hope the “leaders” of this “football team” will see fit to listen to suggestions from a lowly football fan like myself.  I am here to help.  First, let’s not base our enjoyment of football on a lie, shall we?  The Washington Football Team does not play in Washington D.C. – they play at FedEx Field, which is in Greater Landover, Maryland.  This location has many advantages over Washington D.C., not the least of which is that their fans are less likely to die in drive-by shootings as they leave the stadium.  Dead people may vote in Washington D.C., but they do not purchase football tickets.  The name of their team should reflect where the team actually plays, right?  Of course!  So, Greater Landover it is!

I would also choose a team name representing a group that has been so vilified in the public sphere that they have lost the ability to be offended:  white people.  What can they say?  Nothing.  If they complain, that’s only because they’re racist Republicans.  So that seals it:  Let’s hear three big cheers for The Greater Landover White People!  Go Team!

A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection.  Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

But I’m not sure that The Greater Landover Unscrupulous Deceitful Lobbyists would inspire much of a following.  I suppose the souvenir stand could stop selling over-priced jerseys & backpacks and start selling over-priced suits and briefcases.  The home stands would have a distinctive look, with thousands of people in navy blue suits chugging moderately priced Pinot Noir.  Instead of throwing confetti, they could exchange business cards with one another.  Worth a thought, but I really don’t think that’s their best option.

So allow me to be the first of many to cheer for The Greater Landover White People!  Go Team!

Gosh.  I feel so oppressed, I’m considering stealing a 65 inch Sony from Best Buy.  That should help.

I wonder if the Cowboys are on?

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  1. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection.  Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers. 

    The Washington Pestilence.

    • #1
  2. E. Kent Golding Member
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    Percival (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection. Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

    The Washington Pestilence.

    Best Team Name EVER!

    • #2
  3. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Percival (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection. Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

    The Washington Pestilence.

    The Washington Profligate Spenders.

    • #3
  4. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Percival (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection. Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

    The Washington Pestilence.

    The Washington Liars.

    • #4
  5. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    • #5
  6. Dr. Bastiat Member
    Dr. Bastiat
    @drbastiat

    Saint Augustine (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection. Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

    The Washington Pestilence.

    The Washington Profligate Spenders.

    Team motto:

    We don’t win games!

    Until we recount the score!

    • #6
  7. DonG (2+2=5. Say it!) Coolidge
    DonG (2+2=5. Say it!)
    @DonG

    I like “Washington Football Team”.  It sounds trendy like all the new pro soccer teams.   If I had to pick a silly name, I would go with a collective noun like “Washington Corruption”.

    • #7
  8. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    DonG (2+2=5. Say it!) (View Comment):

    I like “Washington Football Team”. It sounds trendy like all the new pro soccer teams. If I had to pick a silly name, I would go with a collective noun like “Washington Corruption”.

    I think that’s my favorite so far, but there are so many great options!

    • #8
  9. Sisyphus Member
    Sisyphus
    @Sisyphus

    DC Grifters

    • #9
  10. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):

    Saint Augustine (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: A more obvious choice would be to choose a group of people with a local connection. Like the Dallas Cowboys, or the Minnesota Vikings, or the San Francisco 49ers.

    The Washington Pestilence.

    The Washington Profligate Spenders.

    Team motto:

    We don’t win games!

    Until we recount the score!

    They lead the league in touchdowns found the day after the game.

    • #10
  11. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    The Washington Swamp Thangs.  

    • #11
  12. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    Going by the color of their uniforms, they could be the Greater Landover Maroons.

    • #12
  13. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    DonG (2+2=5. Say it!) (View Comment):

    I like “Washington Football Team”. It sounds trendy like all the new pro soccer teams. If I had to pick a silly name, I would go with a collective noun like “Washington Corruption”.

    Seconded. WFT (as it’s known in the DC area) is the perfect inoffensive name for our ridiculous age.  I’d stick with it.

    • #13
  14. Gossamer Cat Coolidge
    Gossamer Cat
    @GossamerCat

    Dr. Bastiat: But I’m not sure that The Greater Landover Unscrupulous Deceitful Lobbyists would inspire much of a following. 

    But it would be great for marketing.  That name won’t fit on a single jersey, so you’ll have to buy two!

    • #14
  15. OldPhil Coolidge
    OldPhil
    @OldPhil

    The DMV Clerks.

    • #15
  16. She Reagan
    She
    @She

    The Washington Parasites. 

    • #16
  17. Sisyphus Member
    Sisyphus
    @Sisyphus

    Gossamer Cat (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: But I’m not sure that The Greater Landover Unscrupulous Deceitful Lobbyists would inspire much of a following.

    But it would be great for marketing. That name won’t fit on a single jersey, so you’ll have to buy two!

    They have to wear two jerseys anyway. Covid.

    • #17
  18. Sisyphus Member
    Sisyphus
    @Sisyphus

    Sisyphus (View Comment):

    Gossamer Cat (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: But I’m not sure that The Greater Landover Unscrupulous Deceitful Lobbyists would inspire much of a following.

    But it would be great for marketing. That name won’t fit on a single jersey, so you’ll have to buy two!

    They have to wear two jerseys anyway. Covid.

    And no touching.

    • #18
  19. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    I already reserved this for the Atlanta baseball team in response to their current turmoil.

    • #19
  20. Chuck Thatcher
    Chuck
    @Chuckles

    Sisyphus (View Comment):

    DC Grifters

    This has the added advantage of avoiding the name of that wicked person otherwise known as the Father of our country. 

    • #20
  21. Jim McConnell Member
    Jim McConnell
    @JimMcConnell

    Sisyphus (View Comment):

    DC Grifters

    Now that has a ring to it!

    • #21
  22. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    I already reserved this for the Atlanta baseball team in response to their current turmoil.

    That was the name of the Atlanta team before the Braves came to town.

    • #22
  23. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Percival (View Comment):

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    I already reserved this for the Atlanta baseball team in response to their current turmoil.

    That was the name of the Atlanta team before the Braves came to town.

    I was their batboy in 1950. And I’m a bonafide Cracker.

    • #23
  24. Muleskinner, Weasel Wrangler Member
    Muleskinner, Weasel Wrangler
    @Muleskinner

    Rent-seeking weasels come to mind.

    • #24
  25. Joseph Stanko Coolidge
    Joseph Stanko
    @JosephStanko

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    The Washington Rednecks. 

    • #25
  26. Dr. Bastiat Member
    Dr. Bastiat
    @drbastiat

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat: The Greater Landover…

    Crackers.

    I already reserved this for the Atlanta baseball team in response to their current turmoil.

    That was the name of the Atlanta team before the Braves came to town.

    I was their batboy in 1950. And I’m a bonafide Cracker.

    Wow!  That is SO COOL!!!

    Do you have any pictures?

    • #26
  27. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    I would to see at their first home game, the crowd break into a rousing rendition of “Hail to the Redskins” . . .

    • #27
  28. B. W. Wooster Member
    B. W. Wooster
    @HenryV

    The Rednecks

    • #28
  29. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

    That’s it … the Washington Swarm!

    • #29
  30. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    My Steelers will be next – 

    Just the amount of green house gasses produced by the steel industry will get it canceled

    Woke never sleeps

     

    • #30