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You Might be Woke If…
You might be woke if: you call a guy a bigot because he doesn’t want to date a “girl” who has a penis.
You might be woke if: you think people are racists because of the color of their skin.
You might be woke if: you think transvestites should host children’s reading events but it’s “cultural appropriation” for a woman to wear hoop earrings.
You might be woke if: you believe the anti-fascists are the mobs of masked weapon-wielding thugs who beat up peaceful protestors because they don’t like what they’re saying.
You might be woke if: your preferred pronouns don’t start with the letters “h” or “s”.
You might be woke if: you have no problem with hundreds of violent progressive riots but think democracy almost ended when some conservatives decided to have one of their own.
You might be woke if: you think boys can have babies.
You might be woke if: you think the prefix “cis” isn’t redundant.
You might be woke if: you think that burning and rioting and looting is “peaceful protest,” but you need time with a coloring book and a therapy pet when your candidate loses an election.
You might be woke if: you’re just sure socialism can work but have never heard of the Gulag Archipelago.
You might be woke if: you’re convinced that ours is a racist country but have no knowledge at all of the demographics of violence in the United States.
You might be woke if: you’re convinced that capitalism is evil but you’ve never held a job and are attending a college that costs more than $60,000 per year.
Published in Culture
“You might be woke if you call a guy a bigot because he doesn’t want to date a “girl” who has a penis.”
This is from 2014
Auditioning to take over for Foxworthy?
You know, I really don’t care for the guy. He’s too juvenile for me. But I’m happy to borrow his trope.
It works.
But you can’t mix the tropes unfortunately. You might be woke if you have a transmission in your bathtub just doesn’t cut it.
But a trans-something else might work.
We have always had parlor pinks.
Rob Long’s new place has a parlor.
Coincidence?
Maybe because I grew up just outside the Ocala National Forest, I find the “You might be a redneck” series quite accurate and incredibly funny. More importantly, so do the rednecks.
I think humor that pokes fun at people that gets the target laughing at themselves, too, is pretty good humor.
I saw a Twitter thread were a guy joked that he’s going to start telling every woman he meets that the transition is going well and she looks great. If she complains that she’s a real woman he’s going to call her a transphobe.
Dear Editors,
I think the colons were a good addition. Thank you.
H.
My place does, too, but nothing pink. Well, my sweater, but it’s really more fuchsia than Commie-pink. Ugly color, the latter.
Brilliant!
But would be most effective if used on the “woke,” the rest don’t need it.
Really enjoying this. Made my morning go smoothly.
One addition:
Possibly anyone who has ever lived in a leafy suburb of Woke-ness understands it: “You might be woke if you drove your bike and those of your friends in your brand new SUV into my neighborhood, and then spent more time harassing local drivers about their lack of environmental concern than you did biking.”
OK. Silly time of night–trying out my new single malt.
Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you read the Auto Trader with a yellow highlight pen.
Wokeworthy: You might be woke if you read the NYT with a blue highlight pen.