Fauci Fully Vaccinated Against Criticism


Washington, DC – Dr. Anthony Fauci received his second vaccine dose today, which experts say will leave him fully immunized from criticism, fact-checks, or charges of not following The Science™. A spokesperson for the CDC said that Dr. Fauci, in an effort to avoid picking winners or losers among American pharmaceutical firms, chose a vaccine engineered by scientists from the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

After receiving his second injection in two weeks, Fauci was told by the woman administering his second dose that he may feel temporary pain or discomfort near the injection site. “Does that mean I shouldn’t come near this building?” said Fauci, an apparent attempt at humor which had reporters present outdoing one another with hysterical laughter and chants of “Give. Him. A. Raise.”

When asked by a reporter when we should expect the coronavirus pandemic to be over, Fauci quoted pre-med student John Blutarski: “Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until we decide it is!” Fauci then gave reporters a thumbs-up sign, stated that he felt fine, and added that if all goes well Americans should be able to remove their second mask when home alone sometime by mid-October of 2022.

Leaving the press conference, Fauci entered a black SUV en route to a celebration of his fully-vaccinated status at a large, indoor, mask-free gathering at an undisclosed four-star restaurant in Georgetown.

Published in Healthcare
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  1. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward

    AP – Fauci reported the bizarre side-effect of being able to talk out of both sides of his mouth at once, but doctors are having trouble discerning this condition from his pre-vaccination condition.

    • #1
  2. Old Bathos Moderator
    Old Bathos

    I loathe that weasel.  He not only did damage he is positioning himself to take credit for his “leadership” that got us through the crisis.

    • #2
  3. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I loathe that weasel. He not only did damage he is positioning himself to take credit for his “leadership” that got us through the crisis.

    Much like Andrew Cuomo.

    • #3
  4. Arahant Member

    Wish I had some of that vaccine.

    • #4