TSA Warns of Surgically Implanted Bombs

 

I dread finding out how TSA will handle this latest threat.

Transportation security officials are warning airlines on Wednesday that “human bomb” terrorists may try to use surgically implanted explosives to blow up planes.

The warnings are part of an effort “to provide greater insights into recent intelligence indicating the continued interest of terrorists to target aviation,” TSA press secretary Nick Kimball said in a statement.

“Due to the significant advances in global aviation security in recent years, terrorist groups have repeatedly and publicly indicated interest in pursuing ways to further conceal explosives,” he added.

As security measures become more sophisticated, terrorists have sought out new ways to conceal explosives, and surgically implanted bombs are one of the latest tactics that terrorists are believed to be trying to use.

In a memo sent to Britain’s transportation department, TSA noted that U.S. airports do not as of yet have a method to scan for surgically implanted bombs.  But not to worry, they’re working on it (which probably means you should mentally prepare yourself to walk through airport security stark naked so that your friendly TSA agent may search your body for fresh stitches).

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  1. Profile Photo Inactive
    @nordman

    Or perhaps its really just the TSA perverts who are getting a bit more creative.

    • #1
  2. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Pseudodionysius

    surgically implanted bombs are one of the latest tactics that terrorists are believed to be trying to use.

    And here I thought refried beans merely caused indigestion.

    • #2
  3. Profile Photo Member
    @Sisyphus

    Procedures for the processing of air travelers are rapidly converging on a solution from the abattoir industry. More to follow.

    • #3
  4. Profile Photo Member
    @ScottR

    Eventually we’ll have to throw in the towell on looking for bombs and resort instead to looking for bombers — and we’ll be safer for it.

    • #4
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    @Midge

    Hmm… Makes me wish I wore a smaller cup size.

    • #5
  6. Profile Photo Inactive
    @rayconandlindacon

    time for the TSA to bring on the certified proctologists. To paraphrase Bob Hope, they will use two fingers to get a second opinion.

    • #6
  7. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Palaeologus

    “Due to the significant advances in global aviation security in recent years, terrorist groups have repeatedly and publicly indicated interest in pursuing ways to further conceal explosives,” he added.

    Roughly translated, I think this means:

    “Because air travelers seem willing to accept any indignity in trade for ‘safety & convenience,’ terrorist groups have repeatedly and publicly presented hoops.”

    “Jump through them.”

    • #7
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    @JKTMA

    Hmmm…. I can’t wait until our Obamacare overlords tell us that we can save money by eliminating gov’t waste and redundancy if TSA screeners perform breast/prostate examinations…colonoscopies….etc…. what fun we’re going to have by 2014!!!

    • #8
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    @BlueAnt

    Thought experiment: if you were a terrorist group, and you wanted to cause misery across the USA, which is more cost effective:

    1. Recruiting operatives, paying them, flying them around for training, having them live in the US for years to hide their identity, creating new weapon smuggling technologies to beat the scanners, and carrying off one attack
    2. Or pay $5 to use an Internet cafe, generate “chatter” about using innocuous objects or exotic surgeries to attack planes, then let the TSA scramble to cause inconvenience and misery to every single airline passenger… all on the Great Satan’s dime?
    • #9
  10. Profile Photo Contributor
    @Midge

    Just so you know: This thread is throwing me ads for Australian corsets and discounted Ron Paul election gear. I find the combination oddly appropriate.

    • #10
  11. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Kervinlee

    NOW can we start profiling?

    • #11
  12. Profile Photo Inactive
    @JamesPeabody

    Gee, who didn’t see this one coming?

    And in other news, the TSA will keep performing high tech nude body scans and cavity searches so there still is no need to bring any clothes when you travel. However, the TSA is requesting that you pay particular attention to personal hygiene, please bring spare depends if needed and body builders may want prepare additional time for screening as needed. After all, we at the TSA don’t want anything of particular interest to go unnoticed.

    Of course our special honored guests including those from middle eastern countries and Afghanistan need not concern them selves with this notice. Special provisions have been afforded our special guests to avoid such delays.

    • #12
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    @TheGlaswegian

    Unless someone has changed the laws of physics since I left university, this is either a hoax or Islamic terrorism is even more moronic than I suspected. There’s a reason that brave American soldiers have in almost every war, thrown themselves on grenades to save the lives of their comrades; body mass absorbs the explosive force of the blast.

    • #13
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    @StuartCreque
    BlueAnt:

    1. Recruiting operatives, paying them, flying them around for training, having them live in the US for years to hide their identity, creating new weapon smuggling technologies to beat the scanners, and carrying off one attack
    2. Or pay $5 to use an Internet cafe, generate “chatter” about using innocuous objects or exotic surgeries to attack planes, then let the TSA scramble to cause inconvenience and misery to every single airline passenger… all on the Great Satan’s dime?

    #2 doesn’t work unless you do #1 from time to time. Every so often, they need to demonstrate that the hypothetical can become practical and actual.

    • #14
  15. Profile Photo Member
    @StuartCreque
    The Glaswegian: Unless someone has changed the laws of physics since I left university, this is either a hoax or Islamic terrorism is even more moronic than I suspected. There’s a reason that brave American soldiers have in almost every war, thrown themselves on grenades to save the lives of their comrades; body mass absorbs the explosive force of the blast. · Jul 6 at 10:00pm

    That’s why the Saudi prince survived the terror attack by the suicide bomber who carried his explosive payload in his rectum.

    However, there are two factors that make this threat serious:

    1) An implanted bomb can be larger than a colon-packed one.

    2) An explosion in a pressurized aircraft doesn’t need to be terribly forceful to cause a hull rupture.

    • #15
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    @MarkWilson
    The Glaswegian: Unless someone has changed the laws of physics since I left university, this is either a hoax or Islamic terrorism is even more moronic than I suspected. There’s a reason that brave American soldiers have in almost every war, thrown themselves on grenades to save the lives of their comrades; body mass absorbs the explosive force of the blast. · Jul 6 at 10:00pm

    The lethality of a hand grenade is more in the shrapnel than the explosive energy. That is why a soldier can protect his brothers by sacrificing his body.

    In terms of pure energetic punch, you can fit more explosives than a single hand grenade inside your body, and the detonation wave could probably blast out the windows if not cause structural damage.

    I think BlueAnt nailed it, though. They like to make threatening noises and watch the TSA squirm.

    • #16
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    @StuartCreque

    Here is what I fear will happen:

    A pregnant woman will be delivered by C-section. The surgeon will fill the space vacated by the baby with an explosive chemical pack, sealed in plastic. The chemical will be the same type that the Underwear Bomber carried in his pants.

    After a few weeks of healing, the woman will be given an injection kit that contains insulin needles, a hidden larger-gauge needle, and the catalyst that detonates the explosive disguised as insulin.

    She will board a flight — a pregnant woman afflicted with gestational diabetes — and her injection kit will be passed through security as a medical necessity.

    At some point during the flight, she will go to the lavatory to “take her insulin.” She will inject the catalyst through her abdominal wall into the chemical pack, just as the Underwear Bomber attempted to inject the catalyst into the chemical pack in his underwear.

    The resulting explosion will rupture the aircraft hull; the explosive decompression that follows will cause the airframe to break apart.

    And that event will force the West to engage in another round of futile attempts to screen all passengers for this latest threat.

    • #17
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    @Talleyrand

    You can start by correctly profiling the likely source of terrorists. African, Middle Eastern, and South East Asian visitors and background, can be put through the hoops of careful visa questioning and assessment as this focuses on the current most likely sources of risk.

    We can modify this when we have Al Qaeda proven to recruit Grandmothers in Chemo, or toddlers in nightime pull-ups.

    I don’t care if some innocent individuals are barred, there is no fundamental human right to visit a country, or travel on aircraft.

    • #18
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    @DianeEllis
    BlueAnt: Thought experiment: if you were a terrorist group, and you wanted to cause misery across the USA, which is more cost effective: · Jul 6 at 7:29pm

    1. Recruiting operatives, paying them, flying them around for training, having them live in the US for years to hide their identity, creating new weapon smuggling technologies to beat the scanners, and carrying off one attack
    2. Or pay $5 to use an Internet cafe, generate “chatter” about using innocuous objects or exotic surgeries to attack planes, then let the TSA scramble to cause inconvenience and misery to every single airline passenger… all on the Great Satan’s dime?

    Yes, #2 is really a potent form of terrorism, as we’ve witnessed over the past decade. Make everyone so fearful that they’re willing to sacrifice their personal liberties to the State. It’s a big win for them. Unfortunately, not enough Americans see it that way.

    • #19
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    @DianeEllis
    Talleyrand: You can start by correctly profiling the likely source of terrorists. African, Middle Eastern, and South East Asian visitors and background, can be put through the hoops of careful visa questioning and assessment as this focuses on the current most likely sources of risk.

    We can modify this when we have Al Qaeda proven to recruit Grandmothers in Chemo, or toddlers in nightime pull-ups.

    I don’t care if some innocent individuals are barred, there is no fundamental human right to visit a country, or travel on aircraft. · Jul 7 at 11:35am

    Were you not persuaded by Claire’s arguments against profiling?

    • #20
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    @Charlotte

    This may be slightly off-topic, but can someone please explain Islamic terrorists’ apparent preoccupation with American commercial aviation? The fear and discord that could be spread, nation-wide, by a few well-coordinated attacks on sports stadium events, big-city Independence Day fireworks displays, or Christmas-season shopping malls would be utterly catastrophic. Why hasn’t this happened (yet)?

    I really don’t get it.

    • #21
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    @MarkWilson
    Diane Ellis, Ed.

    Talleyrand: You can start by correctly profiling the likely source of terrorists. African, Middle Eastern, and South East Asian visitors and background, can be put through the hoops of careful visa questioning and assessment as this focuses on the current most likely sources of risk.

    We can modify this when we have Al Qaeda proven to recruit Grandmothers in Chemo, or toddlers in nightime pull-ups.

    I don’t care if some innocent individuals are barred, there is no fundamental human right to visit a country, or travel on aircraft. · Jul 7 at 11:35am

    Were you not persuaded by Claire’s arguments against profiling? · Jul 7 at 11:46am

    I actually thought they were simplistic straw man arguments. I was not persuaded at all.

    • #22
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