Can We Trust Anyone?

 

Over a lifetime, the question of trust comes up almost from the moment we are born. Trust is implicit in honorable relationships, in our putting our lives in the hands of others, in taking risks in partnership with others, in simply trying out new things. Unless we came from highly dysfunctional families, our parents tended to us in ways that helped us feel safe in the world. They did their best to feed us and clothe us, to make sure we picked up our rooms and wiped off our muddy feet before we came into the house. We followed their direction because we trusted them to care for us, and they in turn learned to trust us.

In the larger world when we were small children, we were told to look both ways before we crossed the street; the drivers couldn’t be trusted to see our miniature bodies as we stepped into their paths. We were told to honor our teachers who were entrusted to educate us and socialize us with our peers; we learned to trust them when they helped us with our homework or relied on us to complete a classroom chore.

We began to realize that trust grows when there is reciprocity in the relationship. If we were fortunate, we learned over time to trust the guidance we received from the adults in our lives about the people that might be worthy of our trust. Even then, we learned over time, from experience, that some people were more trustworthy than others.

As adults, our discernment about who can be trusted becomes more refined. Trust lives on a spectrum for each of us: there are those of us who essentially trust no one and others who seem to trust everyone. Both of these attitudes, at the extremes, can lead to dysfunction in our lives. Those people who trust no one and do not make any effort to open to anyone else tend to lead isolated and lonely lives; those who open up with almost no exception to everyone, tend to be hurt and disappointed. Everyone benefits the most from being flexible: trusting people in general, with some caution, and then depending on our temperament and experience with them, deciding how vulnerable we are willing to be with them. If they are reliable, i.e., trustworthy, our trust grows and so does the relationship. If they have a track record of disappointing us, then seeking a trusting relationship is likely unwise.

But we live in a culture where the tenets of trust have not only been damaged but in many cases, been destroyed, at almost every level of our lives. Our personal relationships in many cases have been wounded; the people with whom we could share ideas and perspectives have been convinced that unless others think the way they do, those with differing views can’t be trusted. We also find our trust has been damaged because if we try to strike up a conversation with certain people, they will punish us for our ideas. When fear and hatred dominate those we encounter, there is no room for trust.

There were also certain professions that had a general reputation for reliability, honesty, and candor. Although there were outliers, I think that most of us felt that the medical profession, our professional educators at all levels, our sports professionals, and the leaders of industry could be trusted. We now know that the medical professionals, for the most part, toe the line of the powers-that-be. Our educators are brainwashing our children, and all over the country, they demand (I believe) more money over teaching our kids in the schools. Professional athletes have disrespected this country and its flag by protesting an imaginary history to demonstrate their “wokeness.” And the titans of industry are threatening to stop engaging with people who don’t demonstrate allegiance to the Marxist agenda of the Left.

The irony of this situation is that we have been forced to distrust people in almost every part of our lives because they have chosen to show disdain for us and to distrust us. Our growing distrust is not a preferred way of participating in our worlds, but the path to survival. We can no longer automatically assume the best of a new acquaintance; even those of us who are the most trusting will approach someone new with a degree of skepticism and discernment. Where we might once have entered a casual relationship lightly, with no sense of having to figure out how the other person might see us, we now must proceed with caution.

But the worst threats to trying to live a life of trust and curiosity are the actions of the government, Leftist organizations, and the media (particularly social media). Unless you live in a cave, there is no way to get away from them. They permeate our days to one degree or another, and there is no escape.

So what do we do? Is it impossible to live a life with trust?

* * * * *

It isn’t impossible to find a place for trust in your life, but it demands a great deal of attention and effort:

We must become more conscious of how others speak about their own lives, what is important to them and what drives their passions, loves, and hatreds.

We must develop a heightened awareness that how we behave and what we say in casual relationships can have an unexpected impact on our lives.

We must seek others who don’t necessarily have the same world views as ours, but who honor differences in perspectives and are willing to discuss them civilly.

We must be selective about the people we elect, those who provide us with their services, and those we want to be associated with.

We must strive to find the beauty and joy in life and celebrate them because they have become more precious to us than ever before.

We must be discerning in selecting new friends and colleagues because we want to choose people who honor trust in relationships as much as we do.

Trust within society is not gone.

But it must be guarded and protected like never before.

Published in Culture
This post was promoted to the Main Feed by a Ricochet Editor at the recommendation of Ricochet members. Like this post? Want to comment? Join Ricochet’s community of conservatives and be part of the conversation. Join Ricochet for Free.

There are 39 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    The only person you can trust is yourself and even that person will let you down from time to time.

    Others the only thing you can trust is that they will follow their own self interest.

    As I said to Omega, it can be lonely to live that way. Keep in mind that your choice suggests that your choice to not trust is following your own self-interest.

    Maybe, but I do not tend to betray.  That seems to be the standard among most people so anybody you become “friends” with understand that they will betray you at some point as soon as their self interest passes some internal point.  For most, that point is unbelievably low and betraying people is very easy.     

     

    • #31
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):
    Maybe, but I do not tend to betray. That seems to be the standard among most people so anybody you become “friends” with understand that they will betray you at some point as soon as their self interest passes some internal point. For most, that point is unbelievably low and betraying people is very easy.

    That is not my experience at all. I have rarely been betrayed. I wonder if part of the difficulty of making friends for you is the people you pick. My sister had a habit of picking friends and men who repeatedly betrayed her. She talked to me about it once, and she said you couldn’t figure out why that happened. I told her that when she met these people, a little warning bell went off in her head but for whatever reasons, she ignored it. If she just paid attention to that bell, she wouldn’t befriend those kinds of people. She didn’t argue with me. The interesting question is, why did she ignore that little bell?

    • #32
  3. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):
    Maybe, but I do not tend to betray. That seems to be the standard among most people so anybody you become “friends” with understand that they will betray you at some point as soon as their self interest passes some internal point. For most, that point is unbelievably low and betraying people is very easy.

    That is not my experience at all. I have rarely been betrayed. I wonder if part of the difficulty of making friends for you is the people you pick. My sister had a habit of picking friends and men who repeatedly betrayed her. She talked to me about it once, and she said you couldn’t figure out why that happened. I told her that when she met these people, a little warning bell went off in her head but for whatever reasons, she ignored it. If she just paid attention to that bell, she wouldn’t befriend those kinds of people. She didn’t argue with me. The interesting question is, why did she ignore that little bell?

    Because it rings for everybody ….

    • #33
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):
    Maybe, but I do not tend to betray. That seems to be the standard among most people so anybody you become “friends” with understand that they will betray you at some point as soon as their self interest passes some internal point. For most, that point is unbelievably low and betraying people is very easy.

    That is not my experience at all. I have rarely been betrayed. I wonder if part of the difficulty of making friends for you is the people you pick. My sister had a habit of picking friends and men who repeatedly betrayed her. She talked to me about it once, and she said you couldn’t figure out why that happened. I told her that when she met these people, a little warning bell went off in her head but for whatever reasons, she ignored it. If she just paid attention to that bell, she wouldn’t befriend those kinds of people. She didn’t argue with me. The interesting question is, why did she ignore that little bell?

    Because it rings for everybody ….

    No it doesn’t.

    • #34
  5. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    The only person you can trust is yourself and even that person will let you down from time to time.

    Others the only thing you can trust is that they will follow their own self interest.

    As I said to Omega, it can be lonely to live that way. Keep in mind that your choice suggests that your choice to not trust is following your own self-interest.

    Trust itself has an effect on whether the belief we trustingly accept is true.

    Sometimes.

    Particularly with beliefs about people.

    An insight from William James. Scroll up and find that Rumble channel if you want more.

    • #35
  6. Zafar Member
    Zafar
    @Zafar

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Societies that flourish are “high trust” societies. Not meaning that they trust everyone no matter what, but that the systems in place reward the trustworthy and deal harshly with the untrustworthy. Progressivism seeks to replace trust with power. Friends are rewarded, enemies destroyed. Trust is replaced with obsequiousness. Trust requires individual integrity and dispenses individual rewards. Progressivism requires that individuality be denied and allegiance paid to the collective. A Progressive society may continue to function (in the sense that it remains) but inevitably it starves once the predators have consumed all the prey.

    What are examples of progressive societies and conservative societies?

    • #36
  7. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    The only person you can trust is yourself and even that person will let you down from time to time.

    Others the only thing you can trust is that they will follow their own self interest.

    As I said to Omega, it can be lonely to live that way. Keep in mind that your choice suggests that your choice to not trust is following your own self-interest.

    Yes, my self interest is not to be betrayed, not to be hurt, not to be stolen from.  So in that you are correct.

    • #37
  8. Zafar Member
    Zafar
    @Zafar

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):
    My sister had a habit of picking friends and men who repeatedly betrayed her. She talked to me about it once, and she said you couldn’t figure out why that happened. I told her that when she met these people, a little warning bell went off in her head but for whatever reasons, she ignored it. If she just paid attention to that bell, she wouldn’t befriend those kinds of people. She didn’t argue with me. The interesting question is, why did she ignore that little bell?

    It sounded good to her, she didn’t recognise its import. 

    • #38
  9. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Zafar (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):
    My sister had a habit of picking friends and men who repeatedly betrayed her. She talked to me about it once, and she said you couldn’t figure out why that happened. I told her that when she met these people, a little warning bell went off in her head but for whatever reasons, she ignored it. If she just paid attention to that bell, she wouldn’t befriend those kinds of people. She didn’t argue with me. The interesting question is, why did she ignore that little bell?

    It sounded good to her, she didn’t recognise its import.

    Wow. Very interesting,@zafar.

    • #39
Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.