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Is Dustin Diamond the Future of His Generation?
I spent an abnormal and probably unhealthy amount of time this week on Google, trying to figure out if Dustin Diamond had living parents or siblings (he apparently has a father, who visited with his son before his death). I read a news story about his death which described the layout of his deathbed: He passed away with his girlfriend of a year and an unnamed “friend” in the room. That struck me; he was 44-years-old, in the prime of his life, and passed from this Earth without a family member present, no parent, sibling, spouse, or child. Even in the press release about his death, Diamond’s agent didn’t mince words about the child star’s checkered past. He explained,
We are aware that Dustin is not considered reputable by most. He’s had a history of mishaps, of unfortunate events. We want the public to understand that he was not intentionally malevolent. He–much like the rest of those who act out and behave poorly—had undergone a great deal of turmoil and heartache. His actions, though rebukeable, stemmed from loss and the lack of knowledge on how to process that pain properly.
I couldn’t help but think, that despite his difficult nature (which seems to be a universally acknowledged fact), Diamond’s death is a warning sign for our generation. As it happens, the Insitute for Family Studies released new research today about what the last decade’s drop in fertility could mean for those of Diamond’s (and my own) generation:
6. "The consequences of low fertility today will echo through Americans’ increasingly empty homes for decades to come, leaving millions more people isolated and adrift from wider society as they age." @lymanstoneky @FamStudies https://t.co/i4ur108JZ0
— Brad Wilcox (@WilcoxNMP) February 3, 2021
I was talking to my husband Seth last night about Diamond’s death as I pictured his deathbed (this is a weird thing to do, I know). I discussed the two deathbeds I’ve been present at: My mother’s, when I was sixteen, and Seth’s grandmother’s, two and a half years ago.
In many ways, the scene was similar. Both were sterile in a hospital, but also brutal in the way that most deaths are. But at my mother’s side, I was alone. She had no other children, no relationship with her siblings and a very contentious one with her parents, who were present in the room but glued to the wall, uncomfortably watching the daughter they barely knew taking her last breaths. Seth’s beloved grandmother, on the other hand, was so surrounded we barely all fit in the room. Next to her bedside was her husband of 60+ years, several children and grandchildren and their spouses. Everyone had been through to say their goodbyes over the past week, but at the moment of her death, perhaps only a third of us were physically in the room. And yet, we barely all fit (I was sitting on the windowsill in a corner).
After we filed out of the room, I saw one of her nurses wiping away a tear. She told me she rarely sees scenes like that, with so many family members with the patient at the moment of their death. Most people have a smattering of people visit at all, and yet, she saw the throngs of people coming in and out over the last week she was in intensive care. More and more people have deaths like Diamond and my mother. Having experienced both kinds of deathbeds, the fact that few depart this Earth in the way that Seth’s grandmother did brings me a great deal of sadness.
There are a lot of public policy implications for our reduced rate of marriage and fertility (which is IFS’s focus), but given our society’s allergy to the discussion of death, these kinds of conversations are few and far between, sadly. There are a lot of reasons to get married and have a large family, but after watching my mother and Seth’s grandmothers die, I would make the choices we’ve made (getting married and having a litter of kids) in a heartbeat again, knowing that my chances of having a death like Seth’s grandmother are far more likely than having a lonely death like my mother’s or Diamond’s.
Published in General
I wasn’t aware of the sad circumstances of Mr. Diamond’s death. I knew him mostly by growing up with Saved By the Bell and hearing periphery stories not uncommon to child stars. But I don’t recall anything that would make me think he was despised somehow or of such ill repute that no one would come to comfort this dying man. I do agree there is a stigma to large families these days, especially in urban areas. I see it in the pet store: more people replacing “fur babies” with real ones. I think feminist lies have a lot to do with scaring women from motherhood. But there could also be an aspect of fear of death here, too. I saw it when my grandparents and my father-in-law died. I see it in a way in how we deal with COVID and the prospect of death and the fear of it. Seth’s family seems to have a very healthy approach with paying tribute and comforting a beloved member of the family and community. Not fear, but love. This is a great post, and I hope it continues an important conversation.
In the IFS article linked above, “Fertility rates have fallen around the world over the last decade—even in countries with generous social welfare states, which experts had long expected to be holdouts in the face of fertility declines.” emphasis added
Which experts would these be? When did they come to this conclusion? Which socialist countries have shown an increase in fertility rates?
This seems like an odd conclusion to me. When you disconnect your support in your declining years from your own children, where is the incentive to have children?
If you really want to be depressed, try downloading any mainstream dating app, making a fake profile, and browsing the wares. It’s a bleak look into the Millennial and Generation Z id. Pet worship is ubiquitous, and an unnervingly large percentage of users say things like, “Dogs are better than people!” And that’s hardly the worst part. The worst part is the abject dysfunction and irresponsibility exuded by every other profile.
I know nothing about Dustin Diamond, but I’d agree with the premise. His future is my generation’s future. We’re destined to die alone in the arms of the benevolent state, having accomplished nothing.
Paul Graham, the entrepreneur and venture capitalist, offers some thoughts on having kids.
I have said this before, when I go to Mass and see large families my first thought is their parent’s are generous. Generous with their time, and the sacrifice they make to raise and love them. It’s not only good for them and their children, it’s good for all of us.
Entire generations have been savaged by abortion. Over 60 million lives lost in the United States that have coarsened society, and furthered the nihilist view of no joy in life, other than a utilitarian, and a selfish self-centered view of happiness.
This is nothing new. “Theognis of Megara was a Greek lyric poet active in approximately the sixth century BC.”
The low birth rate is going to be a big problem in so many ways. I agree with the post. It is so sad. Family life is joyful. And the wonderful thing about a society that is structured around families is that those families provide a social life for all of the people connected to them.
There are so many reasons people aren’t having children and haven’t been for a while now. It really is a problem.
I understand your point, but I don’t think having support in declining years is actually the primary (or even a major) motivation to have kids for most people.
I could write a book on this, but the biggest reason you’re seeing a decline is because my generation has been programmed to believe that men and women are interchangeable. That doesn’t work and goes against thousands of years of genetic programming.
We also have the most inflated sense of self, yet no self respect. We must be appreciated for who we are, not what we do. The obesity rate is obscenely high. We go out of our way to look unattractive (body mutilation, slovenly dress).
After that, it just becomes a numbers game.
One factor that I think is significant: the belief that one can’t have a serious career (and, really, is not a worthwhile person at all) unless one goes in for some form of postgraduate education *after* graduating from college. This additional 2, 4, or even more years hits right at the intersection of the career-launch window and the fertility window.
I hope that this reference is not personal, but to your generation. I don’t think it applies to you. You have already accomplished much. You have also enriched the lives of us Ricochetti.
Lack of traditional religion and hatred of non-elite men are probably the two biggest reasons why the birthrate has collapsed around the world. The new religion of environmental lunacy, urbanization, and a rise of Chinese Communism didn’t help either.
This cartoon seems relevant.
I have two children. That was standard in my childbearing years. I do wish I’d had at least one more. My daughter has only one child, due to struggles with infertility, not choice. My son is unmarried and shows no sign of changing that status.
My grandson has no cousins. Zero. My kids had 10 cousins. I had platoons of cousins. Family reunions of the future can be held in a small house or café. It makes me sad when I allow myself to think about it.
If only there were a way to get this essay to twenty-somethings in a way they’d actually read it. It would from many an error free them, and foolish notion (apologies to Robert Burns).
Well, Graham also has essays on topics like How to become a billionaire …maybe package them together?
This is a terribly disturbing and relevant cartoon. Thank you very much for sharing it.
There are some people who shouldn’t be breeding. Dustin Diamond sounds like one of them.
The whole series is insightful and funny. It has been called ‘misogynistic’, but actually it makes fun of certain kinds of male behavior as much as it does certain kinds of female behavior.
Declining birthrates have been a problem world wide for some time now. Typically agrarian economies encourage child bearing in that it provides your workforce and your retirement. With normally high infant mortality you tend to have as many children as you can. A consequence of this of course is that you have population growth. The most common curve is that you have normally population growth, then as medical services improve you have explosive population growth due to sharp declines in infant mortality. As the culture adjusts population growth tends to drop to just above replacement rate. When the economy advance to the point where few work in agriculture, urbanizing and turning to factory or service sector work, people in their child bearing years tend to see children as a luxury or a burden. Population then declines. You can see this all over the world. Japan has entire villages depopulated, Germany’s countryside is reforesting, and so on. You can’t really point to this as a US problem, it’s a human problem.
I had a conversation with (unmarried) son #1 about this recently. There was a brief wonderful moment a few years back where three of my four children were either married or engaged. Current score = two of four married.
The good feeling I had was hard to describe; after thinking about it a lot, I realized it was profound relief. In that I could die, and they had someone left on this earth to love them.
While I think the conversation resonated somewhat, I’m not holding my breath for him to make a goal of meeting someone and getting married.
But at least he didn’t roll his eyes, which would be the reaction of many of my nieces and nephews.
Is being single really worse than getting married to someone racist to your race.