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‘Tis the Season for Bad Christmas Music
The Christmas season brings with it holiday music: some quite good, some not so good, and some wonderfully bad. Every wave of popular music brings with it eventual Christmas singles or albums. Singing stars, and others, seem drawn like the wise men following the star. Consider a few examples, but do set your beverage down before listening, as some are inadvertently merry and bright.
We start, of course, with disco. At the tail end of the disco craze, you could expect orchestras to show they are with it. The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra did not disappoint, recording a medley, “Hooked on Christmas” in 1981. The Universal Robot Band released “Disco Christmas” in 1977, straddling street cred and sentiment. Then there were the combined efforts of various session musicians and disco labels. Salsoul released the 1976 album whose cover art you see here. I think the Salsoul Orchestra “Christmas Medley” is better than the philharmonic attempt. All of these are better than the perhaps earnest attempt by Charo: “Mamacita, Donde este Santa Clause.” Then there is the album by Mirror Image, a group of studio musicians, turned out Disco Noël with “Silver Bells” as you’ve never heard it before:
The tradition of Christmas novelty tunes goes back a long way, with early examples like Spike Jones & His City Slickers 1948 recording, “All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth).” Joe Diffie’s recent “Leroy The Redneck Reindeer” follows the tradition of Lou Monte and “Dominick The Donkey.” Elmo & Patsy’s “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” is terribly catchy, silly, and possibly obnoxious:
Rap, hip hop if you prefer, has its share of Christmas (w)rapping. Consider Kurtis Blow’s “Christmas Rappin.” Of course, the biggest names had to get in on the act. See Run DNC’s “Christmas in Hollis:”
Stars have taken their turn at old standards, with mixed results. Consider Bob Dylan attempting “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” At least William Shatner is entirely self-aware, but what on earth was Judy Collins doing, joining him in “White Christmas?”
Then there is the long line of contemporary songs in various genres, for which your mileage may vary. Elvis Presley’s 1968 live recording of “Blue Christmas” wears fairly well, as does Chuck Berry’s “Run Rudolph Run,” provided you like their other music. Mariah Carey “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is quite bubbly, while Wham! gives you big hair 1980s pop in “Last Christmas.” José Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad” is a staple of holiday radio and shopping music. Consider the fun he has with Daryl Hall (Live From Daryl’s House):
https://youtu.be/PvwbBkGasQg
In a similar vein, ABBA fans still like “Happy New Year,” although the appeal may not be apparent to others. If you like the Kinks and 1970s rock, you will appreciate “Father Christmas,” else not. At the far edge of this, I think you have to be a hard core Dropkick Murphys fan to appreciate “The Season’s Upon Us.” I found it too misanthropic, and if it catches the family dysfunctions’ fueled by alcoholic lifestyles, the listener is left wondering what the other family members think of the singers.
I leave you with more pleasant fare. Boney M. “Mary’s Boy Child,” popularizing Jester Hairton’s gospel song, is a great sonic palette cleanser after all these offerings:
Published in Group Writing
This post is part of our Group Writing Series under the December 2020 Group Writing Theme: “’Tis the Season.” We still have plenty of open days. You can do better than disco, I’m sure, and Ricochet will thank you. Stop by soon, our schedule and sign-up sheet awaits.
Interested in Group Writing topics that came before? See the handy compendium of monthly themes. Check out links in the Group Writing Group. You can also join the group to get a notification when a new monthly theme is posted.
Really?! You neglected the greatest Christmas song ever recorded?! No other music video had more Aqua Net than this’n:
Clearly a master at work
I guess it was all the hair gel that prevented the singers from realizing that the people in the countries they were concerned with were for the most part Muslims and usually wouldn’t know it was Christmas. (Just as you and I wouldn’t necessarily know when it was Eid.)
The rap version is actually pretty good.
Disco Noel has whacka-chu guitar, pew! synths, and massed strings playing outtakes from a Shaft sequel soundtrack, so yes, it qualifies as a perfect period piece.
The terrifying thing about Steyn’s musical career is the suspicion that he’s serious. If so, it’s a Shatnerian level of cringe. (And I love the Shat, despite our unfortunate interview.)
Doesn’t the presence of Jessica Martin make it all okay?
I almost included that, along with the Lennon/Ono tune. I think such belong in a category of musicians trying to be very serious people.
Thank you. I had somehow purged that from my memory banks.
I just couldn’t decide how to characterize this. More Shatner or Dylan?
This brings great amusement to our kids in college – who are just old enough to have been only somewhat affected by the cultural jiggery wokery despite our best efforts.
Oh my goodness, most of these were truly awful! Good job! I did enjoy “Mary’s Boy Child,” the outfits, the beat and music and the kids were just too adorable.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU
Mark Steyn does not have a good singing voice but I cannot help grinning every time I see one of his music videos.
Silver Bells Disco Noel so makes me want to sit down and watch an episode of CHiPs!
Probably an amazing combo of both
I know. All his music videos and live performances are so hilarious.
My favorite Christmas music.
And in the Northern Hemisphere, is’t normally cold outside at Christmas.
Well, Grandma got run over by a reindeer may be cringey, but Da Yoopers took the tune and made a more plausible story:
And Weird Al has done 2 spectacular Christmas songs that are now old family favorites:
https://youtu.be/t039p6xqutU
My wife loves Pentatonix*, so the Sirius/XM is always tuned to channel 105 this time of year: “Holly, Pop Christmas.” They seem to alternate good songs with the worst garbage imaginable: John Legend’s bowdlerized Baby It’s Cold Outside, any version of Santa Baby not by Eartha Kitt, Michael Bubble’s sterile smarm, every version of Last Christmas. But, by far the worst is this**:
* Pentatonix actually does good, respectful versions of both carols and pop songs.
** This is truly awful, and not in a fun-bad or so-bad-it’s-good way. No, it’s “You’ll want to clean out your ears with bleach” bad. What, you didn’t read the footnotes before clicking on the video? I thought you would have learned by now.
@cliffordbrown @jameslileks fellow Catholic @peterrobinson and Mr. High Church Episco @roblong My favorite, not-bad Christmas tradition. You should check out these little guys. A contribution is required to support Boston’s archdiocesan boy’s choir. They’re angels, almost. https://christmasinharvardsquare.com