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Raising Cain
There’s this funny thing about relationships – they require communication. A great many times, relationships break down because of a lack of communication.
I once had two very good friends that did something they knew would hurt me. Instead of coming to me and giving me the opportunity to be a loving friend, they went behind my back and tried to hide it. It didn’t work. Eventually, I found out. I was hurt by what they had done, but what ultimately destroyed one of the relationships is that she never trusted me to be her friend. My relationship with the other continued for some time after because he apologized. She never thought she did anything wrong.
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Lately, my daughter has been lashing out at her older brother – she has a quick temper that she has yet to harness. He will accidentally do something, unaware he did something wrong, and she will lash out and hit him. The shock doesn’t last long, and a fight typically results. It is frustrating, to say the least. Our repeat lesson here is that you must communicate to the other person – using words isn’t simply about avoiding fighting, it’s about building relationship. She must give the other person the opportunity to relate – to do the right thing and apologize or correct their behavior. As it is, she assumes the worst and acts on it.
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Many here have seen me plug for The Bible Project (seriously, check them out). One of their series is on How To Read the Bible. There’s an emphasis on Old Testament writings because, well if any of you read @iWe’s writings, the OT writers like to leave gaping holes where modern readers would really appreciate some detail.
So the BP guys say that the point is to ask questions about the gaping holes. Not all answers will satisfy. Some will seem right, but as you continue the story, some answers are better than others. So, ask the questions!
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Tonight, I read the story of Cain and Abel. Now, I’m holding this question thing in my head and I know there’s a big, giant, gaping hole in the Cain & Abel story that we’ve managed to fill with all sorts of ideas. To recap, two brothers offer sacrifices. Cain, a farmer, offers the fruit of the land, his produce. Abel, a shepherd, offers his best lambs. God accepts Abel’s sacrifice and rejects Cain’s. Overcome by jealousy, Cain flies into a rage and kills Abel.
Big question asked is usually what was wrong with Cain’s offering? Well…
It wasn’t until I asked the question to my daughter that it hit me. Here’s this all-powerful being who creates these humans in his image, as well as all this creation that he has made good – not complete or perfect – and invited man to work with him and learn from him to create and complete what has been made. He wants a relationship with us! Instead of trusting him and learning from him, we rejected him and chose our way. And here is Cain – angry that God rejected him. Well… why don’t we know what was wrong with Cain’s sacrifice? He never asked. Rather than seek relationship with God, he lashed out and destroyed someone.
Why didn’t he ask?
Published in Religion & Philosophy
You told a story I have known since childhood in a most intriguing way. I mean, the end of the tale was known since 2nd grade, yet I had to hear what you had to say about this.
And you did not disappoint.
An excellent post and a timeless situation that we all have had to face. Many of us here could tell similar stories about our families.
It’s a question and a challenge to the secular: if human nature is the ultimate source of our biggest moral problems in life, is something more than merely human inspiration or intervention needed to end them?
I don’t know why he never asked. I never thought about it. But you’re on to something. I would love to hear the answer to this.
I don’t know if we’ll ever know… but I do know that if I’m ever frustrated or angry with cards dealt me, maybe I should just turn to God and ask.
Thought-provoking post! Thanks for giving me something to chew on.
Jealousy and envy can be overpowering for some. They can short circuit the reasoning ability of the brain. Sibling jealousy may be the most powerful especially with brothers.
It’s an interesting question. I always assumed it was because God had told him what kind of sacrifice He wanted and Cain chose to ignore it and do his own thing. That’s the only thing that’s ever made sense to me. But that doesn’t change the fact that we don’t know exactly why because the question was never asked – or if it was, the conversation was not recorded.
We learn later what kind of sacrifice is pleasing to God, in a myriad of different ways.
But up to this point, no indication has been given of what kind of sacrifice he expects. We kind of just assume they know, but this is the first recorded sacrifice… what if they didn’t know?
I’m not a religious person, and I’ve not thought deeply about this story, but I’ve always taken the lesson to be that envy and jealousy are a recipe for self-destruction. Measuring our blessings by the blessings of others is the path to ingratitude, anger, and hatred. Perhaps that’s a trite way of looking at the story, but it’s a lesson we must keep learning, lest we lose our way. I’d never considered that Cain didn’t ask what he did wrong, but perhaps the answer is nothing and God was extending to him (and us) the blessing of wisdom and he didn’t recognize it.
That’s a fair question. I’ve always assumed they did know – even though we aren’t told that they knew – because I don’t see God rejecting something that He never set standards/parameters for. But as I said, that’s always been my assumption. I could easily be wrong about that.
In fact, as I think a bit more about it, another possibility comes to mind. I hadn’t really thought of it before, but maybe the acceptance and rejection lay more in the attitudes that accompanied the offerings and not in what was offered. Maybe Abel’s attitude/motivations were more acceptable to God than Cain’s were. I find the whole scenario interesting to ponder. Thanks for bringing it up. :)
Or it’s an opportunity to learn something about him.
It’s like trying to get a gift for someone you barely know… you get them something that you like, but they don’t really like it. It leaves you disappointed. Would you ask why they didn’t like it?
But yes, it could have been the attitude, too. But nowhere do we see Cain asking “why did you accept Abel’s sacrifice and not mine?” God may have given answer or explanation. An opportunity to teach Cain His ways.
Didn’t God say to Cain “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it”? Cain did talk to God about it, and God gave him His advice. I think Cain just didn’t like being reprimanded and his brother complimented.
I’m not ignoring you. I need to sit down and read it more closely. I’ll respond directly later today.
I went and reread the real version and not the children’s bible version and I’m keeping the question :)
God and Cain do have an exchange before Cain kills Abel. Rather than Cain approaching God, it is God approaching Cain.
The lack of detail still leaves room to ask the question if Cain even asked what was wrong with his offering or if God had a preference.
We don’t know, because the details are withheld. Almost like the writers/orators want the readers/listeners to involve God in the process of reading.