Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. BREAKING: News Media Pushes Up Inauguration to this Monday

 

All the major news media outlets have announced that President-Elect Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will take the Oath of Office for interim President and President respectively at the White House this Monday. When asked to respond to the news, Mr. Biden responded:

“I uh, the bastahn trzompolgu. Who are you, again?”

Fox News Sunday anchor, Chris Wallace, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, and CNN’s Jake Tapper, Don Lemon, and Chris Cuomo were said to have been group hugging and crying tears of joy. The expedited and extra-Constitutional arrangement is being made possible by former Secretary of Defense James Mattis who will leading a contingent of armed military personnel to arrest Donald Trump should he make any laughable claims that by Monday he is still the duly-elected President. Jerry Nadler was said to have been so thrilled at the news that his drool towel was noticeably more soggy than normal. Mr. Biden’s son, Hunter could not be reached for comment and his whereabouts have been unknown for several weeks.

Here’s a preview of the ceremony:

Author’s Note: The preceding was satire. If anyone has a problem with this commentary of this stellar and honorable man, write a letter. There will be a lot more of this in the coming days. 

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  1. Biden Pure Demagogue Coolidge
    Biden Pure Demagogue Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    You’re going on a list, Brian Watt. And they’re checking it twice.

    • #1
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:20 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  2. kylez Member
    kylez Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    That was a nice, you know, thing.

    • #2
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:21 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  3. Stina Member

    Biden Pure Demagogue (View Comment):

    You’re going on a list, Brian Watt. And they’re checking it twice.

    Meme request: AOC with Santa Beard, plz and thx. 

    • #3
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:25 PM PST
    • 1 like
  4. Stina Member

    Brian is building his Babylon Bee resume portfolio.

    Good luck! I’m sure you can definitely get the job.

    • #4
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:26 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  5. Biden Pure Demagogue Coolidge
    Biden Pure Demagogue Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    • #5
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:33 PM PST
    • 10 likes
  6. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Biden Pure Demagogue (View Comment):

    My life won’t be complete until I get on that list. I mean I would just die if I could get on that list…uh…wait…

    • #6
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:42 PM PST
    • 11 likes
  7. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Stina (View Comment):

    Brian is building his Babylon Bee resume portfolio.

    Good luck! I’m sure you can definitely get the job.

    They’d probably have to ask him to tone it down.

    • #7
    • November 7, 2020, at 3:58 PM PST
    • 5 likes
    • This comment has been edited.
  8. kedavis Member

    Percival (View Comment):

    Stina (View Comment):

    Brian is building his Babylon Bee resume portfolio.

    Good luck! I’m sure you can definitely get the job.

    They’d probably have to ask him to tone it down.

    Or tone it up. So far he hasn’t come up with anything sufficiently ridiculous as to not be possibly true.

    • #8
    • November 7, 2020, at 4:36 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  9. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Stina (View Comment):

    Brian is building his Babylon Bee resume portfolio.

    Good luck! I’m sure you can definitely get the job.

    They’d probably have to ask him to tone it down.

    Or tone it up. So far he hasn’t come up with anything sufficiently ridiculous as to not be possibly true.

    Heck, a guy can’t even catch a break.

    • #9
    • November 7, 2020, at 4:42 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  10. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Meanwhile…Fox News is swinging the axe:

    • #10
    • November 7, 2020, at 4:42 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  11. kedavis Member

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    Meanwhile…Fox News is swinging the axe:

    I guess they want to be on “the right side of history” as it gets re-written.

    • #11
    • November 7, 2020, at 4:52 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  12. Biden Pure Demagogue Coolidge
    Biden Pure Demagogue Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    • #12
    • November 7, 2020, at 5:18 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  13. Ralphie Member

    The anger phase has moved along very quickly to the humor stage. We must remember making fun is powerful stuff sometimes. All in good fun though, I don’t advocate making stuff up, being just mean and not funny, or picking on the grandkids, all 4 or 6 or whatever there is. That might be a first good question for his first press conference. Probably should be asked at every one and if the number goes down we know he is too.

    • #13
    • November 7, 2020, at 5:20 PM PST
    • 1 like
  14. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Ralphie (View Comment):

    The anger phase has moved along very quickly to the humor stage. We must remember making fun is powerful stuff sometimes. All in good fun though, I don’t advocate making stuff up, being just mean and not funny, or picking on the grandkids, all 4 or 6 or whatever there is. That might be a first good question for his first press conference. Probably should be asked at every one and if the number goes down we know he is too.

    Oh, I’m still angry. Don’t let the occasional satiric post fool you.

    • #14
    • November 7, 2020, at 5:36 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  15. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    • #15
    • November 7, 2020, at 6:34 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  16. kedavis Member

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    Maybe she was going to let some cat out of some bag, and they just couldn’t have THAT…

    • #16
    • November 7, 2020, at 6:39 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  17. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Brian Watt: Jerry Nadler was said to have been so thrilled at the news that his drool towel was noticeably more soggy than normal.

    Just so long as he didn’t soil himself in public. Again.

    • #17
    • November 8, 2020, at 5:12 PM PST
    • 1 like
  18. IndoorHonorStudent Coolidge

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

     

    • #18
    • November 9, 2020, at 12:03 AM PST
    • Like
  19. IndoorHonorStudent Coolidge

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    I am almost done with Fox News and I do hope that the honest and decent folks left at Fox News will just quit and move on to others like OANN, NEWSMAX or even Breitbart. No Media outlet determines who the President of the United States is going to be and presently there is nothing that resembles journalism. The media is now a propaganda outlet for the DNC. I like Judge Jeanine, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, Jesse Watters, Steve and Peter Ducey

    • #19
    • November 9, 2020, at 12:13 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  20. Biden Pure Demagogue Coolidge
    Biden Pure Demagogue Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    IndoorHonorStudent (View Comment):

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    I am almost done with Fox News and I do hope that the honest and decent folks left at Fox News will just quit and move on to others like OANN, NEWSMAX or even Breitbart. No Media outlet determines who the President of the United States is going to be and presently there is nothing that resembles journalism. The media is now a propaganda outlet for the DNC. I like Judge Jeanine, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, Jesse Watters, Steve and Peter Ducey

    Judge Jeanine is taking a long vacation.

    • #20
    • November 9, 2020, at 5:15 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  21. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    IndoorHonorStudent (View Comment):

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    I am almost done with Fox News and I do hope that the honest and decent folks left at Fox News will just quit and move on to others like OANN, NEWSMAX or even Breitbart. No Media outlet determines who the President of the United States is going to be and presently there is nothing that resembles journalism. The media is now a propaganda outlet for the DNC. I like Judge Jeanine, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, Jesse Watters, Steve and Peter Ducey

    Welcome @indoorhonorstudent!

    • #21
    • November 9, 2020, at 6:12 AM PST
    • 1 like