Play Along, Gentlemen…

 

… And ladies, too!

It’s not even Halloween and Hallmark has started their yearly Christmas movie orgy. (As if it really ends!) So to keep your sanity and interest going, print out the following Bingo cards and play along. Send along your suggestions and we could have a set of 30 or so before you know it!

 

 

 

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  1. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    • #31
  2. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy. 

    Otherwise the hot chick is a reporter who gets sent to some Eastern European country the size of a flea’s navel and falls for their crown prince who talks with a very posh (but very bad) British accent, when he should probably sound like Marshall Tito. 

    • #32
  3. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy.

    So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked. I think I’ve seen that movie.

    • #33
  4. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Percival: So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked.

    Naw. That would only happen on their sister channel, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries. And they would never be married – only engaged. And one of the two women has to be a total shrew.

    • #34
  5. Headedwest Coolidge
    Headedwest
    @Headedwest

    Percival (View Comment):

    So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked. I think I’ve seen that movie.

    You’re thinking of the Lifetime Movie channel. 

     

    • #35
  6. thelonious Member
    thelonious
    @thelonious

    Rick Banyan (View Comment):

    You’ve missed my favorites sayings:

    “This is the best Christmas ever!”

    “Let’s have a cup of hot chocolate.”

    “It’s a Christmas miracle!”

    When a Hallmark movie is on, I always ask my wife if this is the one where the young woman has to choose between the high powered job in the big city or returning to live in her small home town and reuniting with her old boyfriend. (Spoiler–that is the plot of most Hallmark movies.) My wife, to no one’s surprise, ignores me.

    Or it’s a guy she initially hates but then they fall in love despite their differences. The movie never shows their acrimonious divorce 5 years later. 

    • #36
  7. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator
    @Instugator

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    I’m still waiting for the John Wick Christmas movie. <sigh>

    Dude, you already promised me John Wick, The Musical…

    Get to writing it already.

    You got the chops and you know you want to.

    We’ll call it a parody to avoid the licensing fees.

    • #37
  8. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    Some of this was covered once before . . .

    https://ricochet.com/468214/archives/hallmark-christmas-movieshallmark-christmas-movieshallmark-christmas-movies/

     

    • #38
  9. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Matt Bartle: Some of this was covered once before . . .

    If I wanted to be original do you think I would’ve chosen TV for a living?

     

    • #39
  10. colleenb Member
    colleenb
    @colleenb

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy.

    Otherwise the hot chick is a reporter who gets sent to some Eastern European country the size of a flea’s navel and falls for their crown prince who talks with a very posh (but very bad) British accent, when he should probably sound like Marshall Tito.

    Now EJ I used to think that the first husband/first wife was always dead too but they’ve been slipping in a few divorces for both. The rule seems to be that “it was a long time ago”, “we were very and/or too young” and “ex-spouse is completely out of my life/our lives” (usually living either all the way across the country or even in a foreign country). Now on the crown prince accent I complete agree with you. 

    • #40
  11. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Matt Bartle: Some of this was covered once before . . .

    If I wanted to be original do you think I would’ve chosen TV for a living?

     

    Back in the day, you saw some creativity, such as Harry Caray trying to liven up an otherwise morose Cubs game as they were losing 11-0 by trying to pronounce “Candy Maldonado” backwards.

    • #41
  12. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    Percival (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Matt Bartle: Some of this was covered once before . . .

    If I wanted to be original do you think I would’ve chosen TV for a living?

    Back in the day, you saw some creativity, such as Harry Caray trying to liven up an otherwise morose Cubs game as they were losing 11-0 by trying to pronounce “Candy Maldonado” backwards.

    Eivom Kramllah

    • #42
  13. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Matt Bartle: Some of this was covered once before . . .

    If I wanted to be original do you think I would’ve chosen TV for a living?

    Back in the day, you saw some creativity, such as Harry Caray trying to liven up an otherwise morose Cubs game as they were losing 11-0 by trying to pronounce “Candy Maldonado” backwards.

    Eivom Kramllah

    I personally was looking forward to Harry trying to navigate “Kosuke Fukudome” forwards or backwards without getting fined by the FCC.

    • #43
  14. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Percival (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy.

    So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked. I think I’ve seen that movie.

    Isn’t that from The Sopranos?  No wait, The Godfather.  Dang it, I never saw either . . .

    • #44
  15. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Stad (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy.

    So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked. I think I’ve seen that movie.

    Isn’t that from The Sopranos? No wait, The Godfather. Dang it, I never saw either . . .

    The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

    • #45
  16. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    colleenb (View Comment):
    Now EJ I used to think that the first husband/first wife was always dead too but they’ve been slipping in a few divorces for both. The rule seems to be that “it was a long time ago”, “we were very and/or too young” and “ex-spouse is completely out of my life/our lives” (usually living either all the way across the country or even in a foreign country). Now on the crown prince accent I complete agree with you. 

    And you know this exactly how, young lady?

    • #46
  17. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    Instugator (View Comment):

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    I’m still waiting for the John Wick Christmas movie. <sigh>

    Dude, you already promised me John Wick, The Musical…

    Get to writing it already.

    You got the chops and you know you want to.

    We’ll call it a parody to avoid the licensing fees.

    Script is about done.  Also working on the soundtrack

     

    • #47
  18. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy.

    So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked. I think I’ve seen that movie.

    Isn’t that from The Sopranos? No wait, The Godfather. Dang it, I never saw either . . .

    The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

    Ding, ding, ding!

    That’s the one I was thinking of, anyway.

    • #48
  19. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    colleenb (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Haha.

    I just finished reading Detroit’s Hidden Channels: The Power of French-Indigenous Families in the Eighteenth Century by Karen L. Marrero (2020). It was worth reading and I got some valuable new information from it, but in lieu of a review maybe I’ll make up a card like those in the OP and apply it to the next book by her peers that I will read.

    Some of the squares will be:

    “gendered,” adj. (Used alone, this one goes on the free space)

    “textured”

    “gendered behavior”

    “multi-layered”

    “gendered identify”

    “control women’s bodies”

    “gendered worlds”

    “traversed”

    “gendered peril”

    You sound like a strong man to read something like that. I get so tired of everything being through a feminist/racial/cultural lens.

    I feel more sorry for the author. 

    (Several weeks ago I had signed up to listen to her zoom talk upon the Canadian publication of her book, but the weather was good for a full-day bicycle ride, so I did that instead. Why a separate Canadian edition, I don’t know.)

    Past historians have missed out on a lot by not being attuned to the women in this history except through a male-centric lens, and a British-American male-centric lens in particular. She does a lot to rectify that deficiency.  I have a better understanding of the first century of Detroit’s existence now. And of the Fox Wars (1712-1732) of which I had already read much.  But at the same time, it seems that so much emphasis on feminist abstractions and repetition of them limits her own view of the history.  If she had forced herself to write her book without using the word “gendered” even once, I think it would have been a better book. 

    In the same way, if someone made a Christmas movie without all the trite phrases on the bingo cards, it might turn out to be a more interesting movie.

    • #49
  20. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Stad: “Why did your [wife/husband] leave you?”

    Spouses always die in Hallmark movies. The surest way to happiness for a man is to have a cute kid with a hot first wife and then the hot chick with the big city job that they used to date in high school comes back to town to save her family’s business and realizes what she could have had is still available to her without all the pain of pregnancy.

    So the hot chick has the first hot wife whacked. I think I’ve seen that movie.

    Isn’t that from The Sopranos? No wait, The Godfather. Dang it, I never saw either . . .

    The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

    Saw that one . . .

    • #50
  21. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    Instugator (View Comment):

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    I’m still waiting for the John Wick Christmas movie. <sigh>

    Dude, you already promised me John Wick, The Musical…

    Get to writing it already.

    You got the chops and you know you want to.

    We’ll call it a parody to avoid the licensing fees.

    Script is about done. Also working on the soundtrack

     

    Damn, I love it!

    • #51
  22. colleenb Member
    colleenb
    @colleenb

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    colleenb (View Comment):
    Now EJ I used to think that the first husband/first wife was always dead too but they’ve been slipping in a few divorces for both. The rule seems to be that “it was a long time ago”, “we were very and/or too young” and “ex-spouse is completely out of my life/our lives” (usually living either all the way across the country or even in a foreign country). Now on the crown prince accent I complete agree with you.

    And you know this exactly how, young lady?

    You don’t hang out with crown princes all the time Boss?

    • #52
  23. JimGoneWild Coolidge
    JimGoneWild
    @JimGoneWild

    Her chocolate chip cookies are the best!

    • #53
  24. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    colleenb (View Comment):
    You don’t hang out with crown princes all the time Boss?

    Only when they need stuff handled.

    • #54
  25. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    colleenb (View Comment):
    You don’t hang out with crown princes all the time Boss?

    Only when they need stuff handled.

    Joe Biden handles things, too. 

    • #55
  26. Susan in Seattle Member
    Susan in Seattle
    @SusaninSeattle

    I’ll give it a try:

    “Christmas gala”

    “Silent auction”

    “For the children’s _______” (home, fund, parks program)

    “The irascible princess”

    “He’s the king (or crown prince) of _____” (some unknown, unheard of European country where everyone speaks in received English)

    “She’s from Brooklyn”

    • #56
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