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Debate Advice for Donald Trump
Donald Trump probably intended to call me for advice about tonight’s debate. But he’s a busy guy, and he apparently forgot to call. No hard feelings. But in the spirit of goodwill, I offer my suggestions (free of charge!) on how he can easily score a spectacular, knock-out win in tonight’s debate. Any of the below should work, but the more he uses, the better his odds at a dominating win. When you watch tonight’s debate, if you see him use these techniques, you’ll know that he managed to call me before the debate started. Consider this your insider window to Trump’s debate prep. So to win tonight’s debate, Trump should:
- Every single time that Mr. Biden says anything which might possibly be somewhat questionable, Mr. Trump should yell, “You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier!!!”
- If Trump’s history of infidelity should come up, Mr. Trump should deny any previous inappropriate behavior, then ask if he could come across the stage and sniff Mr. Biden’s hair.
- If Mr. Trump’s tax returns should come up, Mr. Trump should say, “One problem with earning money legitimately, is that you have to pay taxes on it. I am sometimes critical of Mr. Biden’s 47-year career of corruption and extortion, but when it comes to tax law, Mr. Biden’s approach has real advantages…”
- Biden is likely to question Mr. Trump’s record, saying things like, “When has Mr. Trump ever cared about black people?” or “When did Mr. Trump ever provide good jobs at good wages to working Americans?” or things like that. Every single time he does that, Mr. Trump should answer with, “Joe, I did that while you were napping…”
- Whenever Mr. Biden gets confused or stumbles over his words, Mr. Trump should conspicuously speak into his cufflink, “Could you please slow down the text on Joe’s teleprompter?”
- This is exceedingly unlikely to come up, but if, at any point during tonight’s debate, Chris Wallace appears to be unbiased, Mr. Trump should smirk at him and say, “If you ain’t a Democrat-voting communist, you ain’t a media member! C’mon, man!”
- If Mr. Biden questions Mr. Trump’s response to COVID-19, Mr. Trump should respond, “COVID-19 is mainly a threat to the very elderly, the very sick, and the very frail. So Mr. Biden’s concern is perfectly understandable…”
- If Mr. Biden accuses Mr. Trump of being a polarizing figure who treats black people disrespectfully, Mr. Trump should respond, “My friend Clarence Thomas would very much like to discuss that with you, Joe…”
- If Mr. Biden says something that makes no sense whatsoever, Mr. Trump should politely raise his hand, give Mr. Biden a sympathetic look, and earnestly ask someone just beyond the camera, “Here, just point Mr. Biden’s teleprompter over here, and I’ll answer for him…”
- If Mr. Biden confuses someone’s name or gets some other basic fact mixed up, Mr. Trump should lean over to him and say, “Now Joe, if you ever enter those nuclear codes into the flashy thing, you may want to double-check a few things before pushing the pretty red button…”
Are there any other suggestions for Mr. Trump from the studio audience?
Published in General
Number 5 is perfect.
Another one just occurred to me:
11) Mr. Biden challenges Trump with, “How do you intend to fix * some random unfixable problem * ?!?” Mr. Trump responds, “Well, Joe, I was considering burning down Portland, Oregon. That seems to help a lot of problems. I dunno – what do you think?”
Liking #3 and #8
It occurs to me that the large audience is tuning in for the same reason a lot of people tuned in to NASCAR races: waiting for the wrecks. And closer it looks to demolition derby the more the entertainment.
That’s just the modern entertainment generation. All these 35 second YouTube videos entitled, “Ben Shapiro DESTROYS lesbian sushi chef!!!”
JFK sort of invented the concept of politics as celebrity entertainment. I think even he would be astonished at how far this has come.
Something like this, with Trump pulling a hidden receiver out of Biden’s ear, would be fun:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZgmcm7nLjE&t=12
Nope.
If Joe has an earpiece, it should be pretty easy to figure out the frequency and override Dr. Jill’s instructions and send him on a Ron Burgundy-style misdirection. Ooooooh…something like “Go F*** yourself, Cleveland!” Or at the very least, jam the signal.
1, 3, and 7 were my favorites.
Joe just called. He is in Columbus. Columbus Georgia. It’s raining and he wants a rain check for the debate.
Fortunately he was able to get someplace where it was raining.
This seems like the only rational reason to tune in. I can’t help but believe this is going to be a combination 0f Le Mans 1955 and a train wreck. Surprisingly I’m passing the character test so far. Just sitting here virtue-signaling, waiting for the short version, and imagining the whole thing while looking at a picture of monkeys fighting. I don’t need to see Pierre Levegh and Casey Jones. I’m better than that.
Great post. Wish he would’ve read this. I’m very disappointed. It seems to me that he was crushed by Biden tonight and Biden was extremely weak. Major missed opportunity by acting boorish and not having good answers for Bidens constant lies.
It’s not over yet, is it?
Brilliant. Too bad he didn’t call you.
Trump failed. He scowled and looked angry the entire time.
Biden won. He only had to show that he’s not senile and he succeeded in being articulate and smiling.
Of course Biden smiles because his face lift is so tight. And his entire career consists of telling bald faced lies with a smile and with confidence. But he wasn’t senile, so he won. Trump was angry and lost.
Biden demonstrated that 47 years in government makes you a facile liar. So he didn’t completely blither which is what Trump supporters were looking for. Wallace gave Trump the best chance he’ll get from moderation, but that means he still had none chance. Wallace may have had a gentler thumb on the scale, but a thumb it was. He demonstrated why the fairest system would have been to have broad opened ended questions and then have a machine variously turn on and off microphones at a stated interval with a stated interval where both would be open for entertaining cross talk.
It was not a debate. It was an argument. That Biden didn’t fold into a fetal position meant a win for him (with Wallace running some interference).
the less he interrupts, the more Biden can bury himself, he should hold his tongue, wait his turn, then come in for the kill Biden’s puppet masters’ agenda make him predictable, so don’t get sidetracked with petty tit for tat, nail him with questions so he can tie his own noose
agree on some things, such as there are some bad apple cops, even thank one son for his service before going after the other one, a bit of honey can be be more useful than a flood of vinegar
Pence should be shrewd enough to let Harris run her mouth, then come back with questions to help her dig a deeper pit
as for BLM, the name itself is racist, the slanted media withholds certain facts to incite anger, then try to shift the blame
George Floyd had a lethal dose of drugs which may have killed him anyway
Jacob Blake had a knife and was reaching into his car for who knows what
Brieonna Taylor’s boyfriend shot first, bad idea
All of these cases tragic, but avoidable had common sense prevailed. Had they been white, would it had been any different?
In such situations things can go bad, those who made the wrong call are being punished. But what if George Floyd jumped out into traffic, got himself killed and caused an accident killing others? Or if Blake pulled out a gun and took out a cop? Or if Taylor’s boyfriend’s ‘warning shot’ killed one of the cops? Cops are not perfect, there is room for improvement, but it should not be a race issue because of a few dumb-ass thugs who happened to be black. More white people get shot by cops, but who cares?
Our president should stress he is working to for all Americans regardless of race, where everyone has the same chance to get ahead based on their qualities, not skin color, as MLK wanted.
Trump’s scowl and head tilt is his “I’m listening and taking you seriously” face.
He always looks like that when people are talking.
Nope. Welcome to 2020. Anything could happen and most likely it will happen.
That’s rarely a smile, it’s usually a smirk. And the biggest one I ever remember seeing on anyone.
A “Joker” smile?
Yes, but more twisted. You know, this may be off-topic, but I don’t really think Biden wants to be president.
He wants the title, but not the job.
I think he thought he could do it back in 2016. But even 0bama did not support him. He declined at first to run in 2020, but then had an epiphany. He has more than once said: Look at me; if you like what you see vote for me; if not, then the other guy. Contrary to his blustering, arguing, derisive campaigning, he doesn’t seem to have the “fire in the belly”. He has said that he is a placeholder for younger politicians; the meaning is self-evident: he’s a front candidate, but not the real candidate. And he has at least once referred to the “Harris/ Biden” ticket.
I think he’s been talked into this race for ‘the good of the country’; and maybe to appease his wife, and maybe to be a team player, and maybe to fulfill his fatigued and now-waning desire to be president.
He’s nearly 80, and he knows he’s failing, and he knows his legacy is set in stone. And that Kamala and his promoters will be the real president, and that he will be a face without power, and he’s done as the Joe-the-politician he once was.
And I think his life has changed profoundly. He can no longer be seen as the proud playboy he once fancied himself; he’s an old man with a shuffle. He cannot grab and fondle young women anymore; and doesn’t want to. He cannot drink anymore. And he is run by doctors and spin masters and can’t even get to sleep when he wants. Life must be pretty bleak for him right now.
I would not be very surprised if he suddenly gave up, letting his health fail, as a convenient excuse to his team, before the election.
I’d prefer he lose, first.
Don’t worry. Even if he did give up and let his body utterly fail, I doubt we’d know until after the election.