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I have four days off in a row. This is almost unheard of on my particular nursing unit. It just so happened that I was scheduled this way and it benefited me. I didn’t do it on purpose, it just worked out that way.
The house is a mess. My folks moved and, in that move, decided to give me back everything I’ve ever owned and stored in their massive garage. It’s fine, I tell myself, it’s my stuff after all. Yes, it’s keepsakes from my childhood and books, but it’s also old clothes left behind when I moved two years ago. It’s fine. It’s fine.
I know it needs to be done. The kitchen is also a mess. The floors need to be mopped and I’ve been having some plumbing issues.
Monday: I tidied a little, had a doctor’s appointment. Took care of ailing bird.
Tuesday: I attempted to be useful but my shoulder was hurting and I had physical therapy. In general, I’m also getting depressed from being home so much and dealing with my child’s own school issues. I wrote the day off. Leftovers for dinner. Whatever.
It’s now Wednesday. I’m awake before noon. (Go team!) The house is a mess, boxes are all over for things that need to be put away or sent to Goodwill. The kitchen is gawd awful. I need to do laundry before I go to work on Friday so my scrubs can get appropriately cleaned. I need to clean the new towels so that I can actually use them. The bird has left seed everywhere, so that needs to be tidied up. I need to shred documents so that when I go back to work, my bag will be lighter.
Thursday is a very, very full day. Doctors appointments for everyone tomorrow, so I need to prepare what I’m going to feed everyone for dinner ahead of time.
Friday I go back to work.
So what am I doing?
I’m deep cleaning my coffeemaker. It’s been bothering me for ages, so I got the CLR and I’m cleaning the thing like a madwoman. I’ve scrubbed it, I’ve hand-washed the internal reservoir that managed to get coffee grounds in it, I’m deep cleaning the carafe. In the meantime, the rest of the house looks … exactly the same.
Why is it easier to fixate on small things rather than the big things that really need to be done? Why is it so much easier?
It could be said that it is because these small things are successes. These small things are known projects that can be completed with minimal energy loss and relatively easily. These are things that I need in my life. But they don’t help me with the larger projects that are required just to live a sane life.
I am clearly not sane.
So what is it then when we have things to do but then choose to do something else? Surely it has a name? Not just procrastination. I’m doing something useful, I swear, so it can’t be procrastination.
So what is it, then?Published in