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If I Were a Pirate, I’d Steal Thy Heart
If I were a pirate, I’d steal thy heart,
For something must a pirate steal, matey.
Ah, talking this way is not such a start.
No, no, we must discourse matters weighty,
Such as how to get representation
Of damsels fair of form in pirate crews
And thus to improve the pirate nation.
No people stands for long without it woos.
And men alone get up to deviltry
When left to their devices comical,
They turn their hands to outright ribaldry
And vile pursuits far more inimical.
Left are we to mull over thy beauty
And how that begets thy solemn duty.
It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day once more, a foolish bit of frippery. What better way to address one bit of foolishness than with another? Are you a participant in this ersatz holiday?
Besides that, few have signed up for group writing this month, on what I consider a wonderful cue for writing. If you don’t want to hear more of this, go sign up. Only you can stop me!
Published in Group Writing
I try to talk like a very well educated pirate at all times. I take no prisoners; I listen to no guff.
That sounds fair to me. What is funny is that the common “pirate dialect” is just a West Country dialect from England, because that is what a certain movie star used while playing a pirate.
Tell us more!
I’m lazy. I’ll link, instead:
http://dialectblog.com/2011/05/24/pirate-accent/
t’anks matey…
No if’s, ands, or buts about this one:
Aye mate, these months and months and months at sea,
Setting, hauling, avoiding bos’ns whip
Where nary but my mates for company!
A life aboard a blackguard Captain’s ship,
Blown about that great blue disk in time
Nary a quarry to raise a seaman’s hope.
I for one seek not a life of crime
But of liesure, sweet water, bath and soap.
And yet here I am, a predatory lad
Aboard a ship with eyes for any prize,
Where no welcome port of any kind be had
And none but mates with whom to fraternize.
Methinks thy purpose seeks more than just the just.
Methinks thy purpose has more to do with lust.
But I note he’s gone all Johnny Depp on his hairstyle.
Yes, unfortunate that IMHO.
Dad was the Pirate King in his (rather more traditional) school production of the Pirates of Penzance. One of his costume pieces was a heavy velvet cloak, which, being a rather imposing figure at quite a young age, he very much enjoyed. At one point, he swirled around himself, knocked all the footlights into the orchestra pit, injuring a couple of the players, and ringing the curtain down while first aid was applied.
Just more proof, as I’ve said here before, that things didn’t happen to Dad, Dad happened to things.
He was quite the whirlwind.
I’m trying to convince the cats to talk like a pirate, but the closest they’re coming is, “Purrrr, Meowy!”
The sound right before a hairball appears could reasonably be described as “Arrrrrr!” I think.
Uh, okay, maybe I don’t want their sounding like pirates.
Arrrrrrrr . . .
So eloquent.
So you, Mr. Pirate, think that pirate ships should have women on them!? Do you also think that the women pirates should do their share of the plundering, raping, and pillaging? That is, should women, swords between their teeth, fight on the front lines? What’s your opinion, Mr. Pirate? Sounds very progressive to me. You haven’t been watching CNN, have you?
No.
Will we or nill we, they were there.
I suppose it’s possible that in a sword fight, a woman with décolletage like that might distract her opponent and eviscerate him before he knew it.
Arahant, I think this is the best poem I’ve seen out of you.
Exactly.
All I can say is that so far three people have signed up to take dates for Group Writing. If nothing else, it’s quite successful.
And the Robert Newton/Disney Treasure Island is still the best Treasure Island.
Pirates have worst record in baseball.
It’s the peglegs. Makes it hard to run the bases.
You ever try to catch a fly with a hook for a hand?
And no depth perception due to a missing eye?
Even if you get it you have to wrench it off the hook before you can throw it back.
And, really, baseball is best played on land.
Which is outside the Pirate’s natural habitat. You take an Indian or a Tiger and see how he pitches on a rolling deck. A gunner’s mate though, he will know.
The Brewers would do okay, I’d think. Plenty of experience walking on swaying legs.
Go gay pirates!!