Homeland Security: Keeping Us Safe from Illegal Hair Dryers

 

Whew!  That was close.  In a country where the government is so concerned with our wellbeing that it confiscates a four-year old child’s turkey and cheese sandwich, banana, potato chips and apple juice for failure to meet USDA standards, there is simply no end to the catastrophes that are only one state action away.  Why merely a few days ago, in an act of heroism not seen since Bugs Bunny saved himself by sticking a finger in the barrel of Elmer Fudd’s shotgun, the Department of Homeland Security saved us from an invasion so awful, so fraught with insidious danger, that a Congressional Medal of Something Or Other must be in the offing.  

I speak of course of the brave seizure of over 13,000 illegal hair dryers.  DHS stopped 9,768 of them in Los Angeles, and another 3,614 in Miami.  Illegal aliens may pass, of course.  They are a minor issue, a proverbial fart in a whirlwind compared with the overarching threat to the republic posed by illegal hair dryers.  Why, you ask?  Because, DHS answers, they lacked the proper shock protection in the event they become immersed in water.   Who knew?  And you thought your tax dollars were being wasted.  I don’t know about you, but back when I had hair I used to sit in the tub and dunk the hair dryer in the water, fire that sucker up, and use it to propel the little rubber boats around the bubbles.  If anyone intruded on my party, I’d turn the dryer on them like a water pistol.  

Of course, the hair dryer lobby will get its split ends in knots.  “They’re not illegal hair dryers,” we will be told.  “They’re undocumented beauty accessories.”   ACORN will register them to vote, and San Francisco will become a sanctuary beauty school.   Meanwhile, some on our side will warn against caustic statements that may scare away not only the independent hair dryers, but the curling irons too.  

But make no mistake, the feds will give no quarter on this one because ultimately it’s not about the hair dryers.  It’s about you.  You are not to be trusted to feed your child, or even keep an electrical appliance out of the water.  You can’t be trusted to tend to your own health care, upgrade your own property, select your own car, run your own lemonade stand, buy your own lightbulb, your own toilet, or anything else without government regulations, interference, taxes or fees.  By the way, did you ever wonder how these government nags believe you are not bright enough to purchase a light bulb or a toilet without their involvement, and yet they trust in your intelligence to vote?   I suspect that deep down, they don’t trust that either. 

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  1. Profile Photo Inactive
    @JohnMurdoch

    If you’ll pardon me for not indulging in the snark, I think there actually is a serious issue here.

    How, exactly, did Customs and Border Protection determine that the hair dryers lacked sufficient immersion protection? 

    The consumer product safety standard for electrical equipment is testing by Underwriters Laboratories. It’s a case in point for conservative user fees–UL listing is voluntary, but so universally-adopted (and, for lots of gear, required by local building codes) that there’s been no reason for federal government involvement. 

    So did the “hot” hair dryers lack UL listing? Or did they have the UL symbol molded into the plastic, but hadn’t actually been approved by UL? 

    Or is this yet another example of yet another federal agency wasting money duplicating something the private sector does perfectly well? 

    I realize you’re all getting your yucks–but this is America. Any electrical device commonly used in or around containers of water has to be properly grounded (and any receptacle commonly around water has to have ground-fault protection). Not because of federal nannies–because of lawyers. 

    • #1
  2. Profile Photo Coolidge
    @iWe

    Judging by voter fraud to date, I don’t think their mistrust in our intelligence to vote is buried very deep.

    • #2
  3. Profile Photo Member
    @StuartCreque

    If I didn’t know better, Dave, I’d say you were indulging in sarcasm.

    • #3
  4. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @DaveCarter
    iWc: Judging by voter fraud to date, I don’t think their mistrust in our intelligence to vote is buried very deep. · 4 minutes ago

    Excellent point.  

    • #4
  5. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @DaveCarter
    Stuart Creque: If I didn’t know better, Dave, I’d say you were indulging in sarcasm. · 1 minute ago

    It’s not an indulgence,…it’s a calling.  

    • #5
  6. Profile Photo Member
    @
    Dave Carter

    Of course, the hair dryer lobby will get its split ends in knots.  “They’re not illegal hair dryers,” we will be told.  “They’re undocumented beauty accessories.”   ACORN will register them to vote, and San Francisco will become a sanctuary beauty school.   Meanwhile, some on our side will warn against caustic statements that may scare away not only the independent hair dryers, but the curling irons too.  

    Brilliant. :)

    • #6
  7. Profile Photo Member
    @StuartCreque
    Dave Carter

    Stuart Creque: If I didn’t know better, Dave, I’d say you were indulging in sarcasm. · 1 minute ago

    It’s not an indulgence,…it’s a calling.   · 5 minutes ago

    I like it.  It’s almost Cyranesque.

    • #7
  8. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @DaveCarter
    Stuart Creque

    Dave Carter

    Stuart Creque: If I didn’t know better, Dave, I’d say you were indulging in sarcasm. · 1 minute ago

    It’s not an indulgence,…it’s a calling.   · 5 minutes ago

    I like it.  It’s almost Cyranesque. · 12 minutes ago

    I think I can retire early on that one.  Thank you Sir.  

    • #8
  9. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DocJay

    Is that hair dryer a Remington?

    • #9
  10. Profile Photo Inactive
    @docmolloy

    Make my bad hair day, punk.. I know what you’re thinking, did he set it on low or high.. well in all this excitement I clearly forgot to check..

    • #10
  11. Profile Photo Member
    @tabularasa

    Dave:  I read the first paragraph, but I’ve got to finish my Big Mac, supersized fries, Oreo McFlurry, and a bag of kettle chips before I can read the rest of it.    As I recall, your post has something to do with hair fashion and the DHS (or suchlike).  Right?  I’m a little distracted exercising what little is left of my freedom.

    • #11
  12. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @DaveCarter
    tabula rasa: Dave:  I read the first paragraph, but I’ve got to finish my Big Mac, supersized fries, Oreo McFlurry, and a bag of kettle chips before I can read the rest of it.    As I recall, your post has something to do with hair fashion and the DHS (or suchlike).  Right?  I’m a little distracted exercising what little is left of my freedom. · 3 minutes ago

    Edited 2 minutes ago

    Close enough for government work, Tabula.  Just don’t dunk the hair dryer in the Oreo McFlurry, otherwise they’ll put you in the hoosegow.  

    • #12
  13. Profile Photo Inactive
    @HeartofAmerica

     Don’t be messing with my hairdryer, Dave. It starts to get really personal at that point.

    • #13
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    @EJHill

    David – You are such a knee-jerk reactionary! These were extra large capacity magazine hair dryers from the Sassoon Cartel. Do you want every man in America to look like Justin Bieber?!?

    Extra-Capacity.jpg

    • #14
  15. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @DaveCarter

    You got me, EJ. I plead nolo conditioner, or some such…

    • #15
  16. Profile Photo Member
    @Sisyphus

    The turkey sandwich, the hair dryers, it was all workplace violence. Give it another day or two. You’ll see.

    • #16
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    @Pseudodionysius

    This is obviously a ploy by Alberto VO-5, euronastie.

    • #17
  18. Profile Photo Inactive
    @RichardPeasel

    You have to admit the government is not forcing everything on us. For example, between the federal and state government, my brother receive two free electric ‘golf’ cars. My cousin is planning to get to cash in on thee  $10,000 rebate for the VOLT.  I just receive two free light bulbs, a ‘earth’ saving shower head from my utility company compliments of Uncle Sam.

    Free health care, free cars, free shower heads,  why George Orwell would be extremely jealous of 2013.

    • #18
  19. Profile Photo Inactive
    @dogsbody
    Dave Carter

    By the way, did you ever wonder how these government nags believe you are not bright enough to purchase a light bulb or a toilet without their involvement, and yet they trust in your intelligence to vote?   I suspect that deep down, they don’t trust that either.  · · 2 hours ago

    I’m not sure I do, either.  We give people the freedom to vote and what do half of them do?  They vote Democrat.

    • #19
  20. Profile Photo Podcaster
    @EJHill

    Or it could be a deeper problem….

    Janet-Dryers.jpg

    • #20
  21. Profile Photo Inactive
    @GusMarvinson

    Brilliant, Dave. We recently bought one of those four-slice toasters with the big slots so we can toast bagels and thick slices of homemade bread.  Love it. Well, we would love it but the cord is only a foot long, which makes it impossible to enjoy fresh toast in the bathtub.

    • #21
  22. Profile Photo Thatcher
    @StevenPotter
    Dave Carter  

    I speak of course of the brave seizure of over 13,000 illegal hair dryers.  DHS stopped 9,768 of them in Los Angeles, and another 3,614 in Miami. 

    What did we ever do to offend the hair dryers?  We must demand our government unplug from the bathroom power outlets and let the hair dryers have their outlets back.  It’s the only way to stop the cycle of violence.

    • #22
  23. Profile Photo Inactive
    @KCMulville
    Dave Carter By the way, did you ever wonder how these government nags believe you are not bright enough to purchase a light bulb or a toilet without their involvement, and yet they trust in your intelligence to vote? 

    I always wondered why they would bother with the warning in the first place. After all, if you were too stupid to grasp that plugged-in hair dryers shouldn’t be submerged in water, then the warning (and how you should respond to the warning) would be equally mysterious to you. 

    • #23
  24. Profile Photo Inactive
    @wilberforge

    Just had to look it up, darn, it is out of print. A lady freind in Texas would have loved it for Valentines Day !

    Never get to have fun anymore.

     

    • #24
  25. Profile Photo Reagan
    @She

    Are we all quite sure they didn’t just impound the entire inventory of engines for the next generation of electric cars?

    • #25
  26. Profile Photo Inactive
    @wilberforge

    For as amusing as all this is, safety is an issue if need be. For some real amusement search the history of real devices used in the hair salons of old. Picture a client with enough curlers and wires that looks like Medusa and that is just a start.

    Galvanic Response Medicine anyone ?  Now there is some serious entertainment

    • #26
  27. Profile Photo Member
    @
    Dave Carter   Of course, the hair dryer lobby will get its split ends in knots.  “They’re not illegal hair dryers,” we will be told.  “They’re undocumented beauty accessories.”   ACORN will register them to vote, and San Francisco will become a sanctuary beauty school.   Meanwhile, some on our side will warn against caustic statements that may scare away not only the independent hair dryers, but the curling irons too.  · · 23 hours ago

    Oh how I’ve missed this attitude with some of your recent posts. 

    • #27
  28. Profile Photo Member
    @Sisyphus

    The product safety expertise of the Customs Department, the health insurance wisdom of the IRS, the investment acumen of the White House, it is astounding that the approval numbers are what they are.

    • #28

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