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Fragile and Breakable Things
Some things that break in society cannot be easily fixed.
I came to this topic in an ordinary way. I’m a klutz. Klutz is not quite the right word. Some in my family would say disaster or catastrophe, at least when it comes to handling physical objects. By physical objects I mean breakable anything that can break, bend, crush, shatter, disintegrate, rupture or explode. I’m out of verbs.
So now I have a garden, or budding garden (no pun intended). The last time I planted a garden was in 1974 unless you count a few patio plants. Unknowingly, then, I planted a garden big enough to feed six families. I was one person and everybody else had a garden too. Think bushels of unconsumed produce.
This garden in our home in North Carolina is about the right size (I do learn from my disasters). And because North Carolina has moderate weather and regular rain, there’s a high probability that tomatoes, cantaloupes, peppers, onions, and squash will grow. But so far I have only rows of fragile plantings, although they are doing well, I think.
So when I got word of a freeze on Wednesday night, with specific advice to cover my baby plants with pots, buckets, boxes, or anything I could find, I decided, on a poorly reckoned whim, to take out a bunch of my glass bowls to flip over the most vulnerable plants. For the requisite four minutes it took to gather them, it seemed like a good plan: solid, waterproof, insulating covers until Thursday’s mid-day sun rings the “all-clear.”
Except, being the not-very-good-with-breakable-things person I am, I carried too many down the deck stairs, lost my hold, jostled them trying to set them down in the dirt, and, boom, my favorite vintage Pyrex mixing bowl shattered.
Now if you’re thinking I had no business bringing that special bowl out in the first place—or any of these bowls—you are right. And did I know that? Of course, I knew that. The cadence in my head the whole time I gathered them was “Carol, this is not a good idea. Carol, this is not a good idea.”
Perhaps you never do such ill-advised things. Hopefully, you always listen to the smart, moderating counsel inside of your head—those spinning words that, otherwise, you will wish you had heeded.
Staring at the shattered shards I nearly cried. Except this was a bowl, and with all that’s going on in the world now, do you cry about a bowl?
What I do want to cry about, though, is the failings of our human nature. In this case, it is my stubborn human nature that doesn’t listen to my own good counsel.
But a darker side of human nature is unleashing itself across our society as people attack each other on social media in ways that are scarily reminiscent of eras we’d hoped never to revisit.
I am not speaking solely about the crudity and viciousness of today’s political discourse. That’s an abomination, one of those phenomena where I think “I’m glad my parents are not alive to see all this.” Political viciousness has always existed. The present levels are unconscionable and probably beyond repair at this point (sorry to be a pessimist).
No, I’m talking about the spread of such viciousness to places that ordinarily are benign venues: specifically neighborhood sites like Nextdoor.com.
Neighborhood groups, the traditional ones and the new ones online, are intended for positive purposes. They exist to ask about a plumber or restaurant, to seek a specific piece of furniture, to find a lost dog, or to clear up confusion about when bulky items will be picked up by the city. I love neighborhood groups. Once, I asked our Nextdoor.com community if anyone wanted to sell an old globe—something nicer than available in today’s stores. I got responses from several neighbors, with the first person three blocks over offering us a gorgeous vintage globe on a wooden stand gratis! They were downsizing and happy to get rid of it, and we were ecstatic to get it.
But right now, groups like Nextdoor.com are degenerating into forums for unbridled nastiness. Far too many people are shattering breakable things (goodwill, mutual trust, mutual cooperation, and much-needed encouragement). I suspect these indignant folks sense what damage will be done, yet they do not listen to the moderating counsel in their heads, so they race full-steam ahead with their emotional reactions.
If you’ve read extensively about the way ideological poison infects society, or lived in Communist countries (I have), or spent time in regions ravaged by the damage of Communism or similar oppressive systems where “inter-personal relationships” are manipulated by open and hidden agents like the Stasi or the KGB (I have), then you know why even a hint of this type of social interaction chills a person.
This is not an America I know. It saddens me and worries me deeply. I refer not to legitimate, if controversial issues like racial inequity or institutional corruption that always need threshing out. I refer to a neighbor (admittedly bored, cooped up, but still) looking out the window and counting whether one member of an already large family talking near the fence with a member of another large family next door could be standing only 5’ apart, rather than 6’, so the police receive a report of a gathering of more than ten people and a violation of social distancing. I wish I were joking.
I refer to a situation where a thoughtful neighbor alerted others online that a few people might beep their horns (from their own cars, on the street) between 2 p.m. and 2:30 p.m. to wish her 5-year old son a happy birthday. She wanted to apologize in advance if people heard beeping. Someone else on the neighborhood site brought the police into the situation, who came to say those well-wishers could not drive by and beep their horns. The family would be cited if they did. Happy Birthday, son.
Yes, there are things worth telling the authorities. Worrisome things. Drastic things. Always. I could make a list and so could you. Would these same virtuous neighbors report domestic violence they know goes on next door? Or child neglect and hunger? But, hey, people do not want to get involved, right? It’s none of their business.
Over time I hope those who were safe in their houses, derailed by a sense of panic or with too much time on their hands, might reevaluate their actions and the destructiveness of their verbiage and apologize. They know better. They do.
It’s not the same story as me knowing I should not have carried all those glass bowls. But listening to the moderating voice of our own good counsel is needed right now to keep our communities from shattering.
Published in General
Your picture looks very like a Norman Rockwell painting.
Every time I do something like you did, I realize I knew better, but wanted to just go ahead and get it done. And then disaster.
Carol, I hope that you are right in your hope that the facemask snitches will come around. I’m much less inclined to optimism. I imagine that they feel quite self-righteous. Fortunately, in Arizona where I live, I have not yet experienced such unpleasantness. It may be coming, as I’ve noticed an increasing number of people wearing masks in public. Thus far, they haven’t started giving the evil eye to people who do not.
What do you think is the psychology of the facemask snitches? Have you observed that they tend to be a certain type of person?
I learned many years ago that the best way to avoid accidents is to stay out of situations where accidents are likely. I worked in relatively dangerous occupations for 25 years, and avoiding accidents was important.
I am worried too about this world I live in. I’m seeing some crazy stuff on a local Cape Cod gardening Facebook page.
Carol, I wish you posted more often.
Did your vegetable plants survive?
The most chilling part of the birthday drive by incident, to me, is the actions of the police, which exceed their authority as I see it, as well as taking sides.
This is sad to hear. The only near incident I’ve experienced was when Mr. C and I visited Costco during senior hours. The man in front of us in the checkout was asked to show his I.D., which miffed him, apparently. He groused under his breath and then spoke up saying, “there are a lot of people here who don’t look 60,” while giving me the evil eye. I’m 58 and Mr. C is 62, so we were following the over-60 with one companion rule. We were both wearing masks and he wasn’t. Maybe I should be flattered?
Mr. C whispered to me, “he must be a liberal.”
Great observations. The urge to force others into compliance – to the point of involving the police – is busting out all over this spring, and it’s not a positive sign. The Karens are everywhere!
(Apologies in advance to any Rico ladies who are named Karen – present company excepted from my generalization above, of course…)
I got so mad a few weeks ago at Trader Joe’s I nearly said something unforgivable.
I was there before opening and saw two lines, both the same length and not that long. I got in one and was immediately engaged in conversation with a young man 6′ behind me who thought he knew me.
A somewhat large, very bossy woman approached me and said I was in the wrong line. I looked in front of me and behind me and everyone was much younger than me (I’m 61). I looked at her in confusion and she loudly said “the senior citizen line is the other one!” then marched off.
I did not say to her what I wanted … That I thought the other line was for … Let’s just say that my comment would have intimated that she should be using her quarantine time for some dieting and exercise.
I am not on Nextdoor … I kind of got thrown off during the plastic ban wars in my little town (I was against the ban and feel somewhat vindicated)
But there will be some permanent fissures in real life friendships after witnessing their behavior on FB. Constant complaints about what is seen as high grocery prices (it’s always gouging), suspected gatherings, voices heard over fences, young people on hiking trails, etc.
Naaaawwww, that’s too good not to be intentional . . .
All my supermarkets are being run to maximize time spent standing in long lines. That’s not their purpose, but that’s the effect. So I ordered on line and bought a huge packages of fresh vegetables at Sams’ which are going bad before they all get eaten. Amazon supports this long shut down, they must be cleaning house and I understand they don’t follow what they recommend everyone else do. I’ve decided to stop using them. There are alternatives, but first best is to get our stores operating normally as rapidly as possible. I was surprised to see another huge warehouse going up, where I have to go to get on a highway, that’s about 6 in the last five years. I wonder just how much of a normal economy will survive these people.
You could have told the grouch that you were Mr. C’s daughter, just there to help him pick up those huge boxes of stuff for which Costco is so well known.
Funny you should mention Nextdoor Neighbor, as I have participated in a few discussions on that website. For the most part, it is about helping neighbors find references on handymen, landscapers, or selling old junk that might be considered great buys for someone else. But on the occasion when the talk turns to politics, it gets nasty fast. All of a sudden those kind, helpful people turn into Rottweilers and the ad hominems start flowing. Yesterday a poster started a discussion by pleading that the soon to be protest against the Stay at Home dictate that has shut down businesses and left millions unemployed should be stopped. The police should arrest all those idiots. If she had a smoke bomb, she would detonate it in their midst. I couldn’t help myself. I had to respond:
There are some situations throughout this country where the authorities have overplayed their hand in dramatic ways. Remember we are all doing this stay at home thing voluntarily. There have been no legislative votes nor any judicial approvals. These are dictates from Mayors and Governors. We are trusting that they have accurate facts adjudicating their actions. The President has issued his suggested guidelines. It appears that our Mayor has gone on his own somewhat beyond those guidelines. People are suffering. Businesses are going broke. We don’t even know if our efforts will yield long-term positive results. It is possible as we loosen these restrictions, having not built immunity, we could experience a return of the virus. Having said that, if people wish to safely protest, they have every right to do so.
And later I had to add:
The original reason for enacting stay at home restrictions was to prevent the overwhelming of our hospitals and medical system. It was never considered possible to shut down the economy until the virus just went away. It was never considered possible to shut down the economy until and if we find a vaccine, which could take years. We were so successful in not overwhelming hospitals that many of them have laid off nurses and many doctors are unable to treat their patients for non-virus related elective surgery. Some hospitals are going broke for lack of patients. Now that we have succeeded in protecting our hospital system the goalposts have been moved. Now we must stay shut down for fear of spreading this disease. This is a highly transmissible virus but is now showing itself to be less deadly than first thought. When will it be safe and how will you know? The Mayors and the Governors and the President all take an oath to uphold the Constitution. We are in uniquely terrible times because of this plague perpetrated on our planet but that doesn’t mean we need to lose all sense of what it is to be an American.
Continued…
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Continued:
I was pleased to see many people agreed but disappointed that for many others the protesters were stupid, dangerous, and should be arrested. Very few could muster a laissez-faire attitude. Most were disguising there fear by their outrage.
I saw this sentiment expressed on Facebook in many comments to an article about the protest that took place in Michigan a few days ago. Talk about making one’s blood run cold.