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A friend of mine just sent me this:
Wow … bars, clubs, and gyms all closed. My life is about to be exactly the same!
Hey, creative community! Just a reminder that Shakespeare was quarantined for the plague when he wrote King Lear. No pressure!
Remember when we thought we were going to have a bad week because of the time change, full moon, and Friday the 13th. We didn’t have a clue!
Definition of irony: gas under two dollars a gallon and no place to go…
Homeschooling going well – two students suspended for fighting, one teacher fired for drinking on the job!
Maybe now society will realize we can make it without celebrities and professional sports… but we can’t make it without farmers and ranchers!
Your grandparents were called to war. You’re being called to sit on your couch. You can do this!!
April Fools Day is canceled this year because no made up prank could match the unbelievable that’s going on in the world right now.
With March and April canceled, the next holiday is Cinco De Mayo – sponsored by Corona.
If COVID-19 forces Planned Parenthood to be closed for two weeks, the virus will have saved more lives than it has taken.
September morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.
Since everyone has started washing their hands like we’re supposed to, we’ll be working on shapes and colors next week.
If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.
Due to panic buying, Walmart has opened register 3.
I’d hate to see a diarrhea virus breakout right now… people are going to buy all the nose spray!
On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.
What if you had coronavirus and Lyme disease?
The kid I hired to clean up the poop in the back yard just realized I don’t have a dog … #OutOfToiletPaper
Pro tip: if you get pulled over, just start coughing.
All these kids who have been learning Common Core math are about to learn how to “Carry the One” from their new homeschool teachers.
That moment when you’re worried about the elderly and realize that you are the elderly …
Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home and will send us instructions about what to do.
The folks who support open borders and poop- and needle-filled streets are suddenly worried about a virus?
I say we close down the media for 30 days and watch 80% of the world’s problems go away!
Also highly contagious is kindness, patience, love, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude. Don’t wait to catch it from others…be the carrier!Published in