‘The Conservative Case for Joe Biden’

 

To Whom it May Concern:

Don’t.

Stop.

I care about you.

Vote for who you want, but please don’t try to make it something it isn’t.

You’re not more principled.  You have an opinion. You think four years isn’t that long. You think Joe isn’t like the others. Whatever. It’s fine. Smell your own farts but don’t ask me if I have the expertise to smell yours and call them phenomenal.

You’re not doing us a favor. Your vote isn’t adorned with gold and says “special.” I went to one of them fancy booklearning schools too and it fit like a suit off the rack.

He has an even-keeled temperament and treats people with respect? The guy who was challenging the IQ of reporters and where they went to school?m”Look, fat?” The guy who said Republicans were going to put black people in chains?

The guy who takes credit for smearing Bork and is apologetic about not smearing Thomas enough? Seems like he’s awfully quick to cater to criticism by throwing people under the bus. Just like one of your problems with the current occupant.

Hey guys, we’ll go back to the great Obama years, where people like us were audited (lifelong bureaucrats are known for putting their pensions in danger by going rogue after decades), said we wanted people to die to prevent ACA, called Brown Shirts, be falsely accused of spitting on black Congressmen, spying on rivals. He’ll treat the media better than Trump, just ask James Rosen or Sharyl Atkisson or Fox News. Good times.

At least we won’t have a liar in the White House, instead, a guy with a common experience with everyone, despite being in government since age 25. Find me a personal anecdote, I’ll find you the tall tale. He not only helped with civil rights, he was lynched once. Maybe. Or that wasn’t him but his buddy Corn Pop.

“Look at his deep abiding faith” as he answers a question from a man of the cloth. Note to you, the Biden-curious, here is the template for a Joe Biden answer: I understand where you’re coming from, anecdote with an air of truthiness that probably has 25 percent factual content at most, smear of people not as empathetic as him. Same people who were suckered by Amy Klobuchar being polite to a pro-life Democrat who was willing to vote Democrat. Find the common denominator. I learned in my dating years that just because the pretty girl says hello, it doesn’t mean she’s interested in me.

“Mitch can stop him” — sure, until the midterms where we’re all villains for obstructing. “We can repeal anything once we’re in charge.” Boy, that sounds familiar.

Again, you can vote Trump out of office. But you’re not playing high-minded 4D chess either. So the condescending pretzel logic thinkpieces can stay a draft on your computer. The Democrats don’t want to read them either, judging from Donna Brazile’s remarks.

Thanks.

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  1. DonG (skeptic) Coolidge
    DonG (skeptic)
    @DonG

    We have had presidents that become mentally incapable in office (eg, Wilson), but we have never had a candidate in that situation.  Who is the puppet master for Joe?  Is it Jill?  Or, is it some Obama henchman?

     

    • #1
  2. Jeff Hawkins Coolidge
    Jeff Hawkins
    @JeffHawkins

    DonG (skeptic) (View Comment):

    We have had presidents that become mentally incapable in office (eg, Wilson), but we have never had a candidate in that situation. Who is the puppet master for Joe? Is it Jill? Or, is it some Obama henchman?

    Joe’s too prideful to have a handler

     

     

    • #2
  3. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Jeff Hawkins: “The Conservative Case for Joe Biden”

    I like to see a title like, “The Conservative Case for X,” because it indicates that I can hate the article without going to the trouble of reading it.  You put your title in quotes, which introduces a much-needed mocking factor.  And it means I don’t need to pre-emptively hate it.  

    • #3
  4. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    DonG (skeptic) (View Comment):

    We have had presidents that become mentally incapable in office (eg, Wilson), but we have never had a candidate in that situation. Who is the puppet master for Joe? Is it Jill? Or, is it some Obama henchman?

     

    I would say his wife, but Joe’s got more strings attached than there are people to pull them . . .

    • #4
  5. She Member
    She
    @She

    Jeff Hawkins: At least we won’t have a liar in the White House, about the guy with a common experience with everyone, despite being in government since age 25. Find me a personal anecdote, I’ll find you the tall tale. He not only helped with civil rights, he was lynched once. Maybe. Or that wasn’t him but his buddy Cornpop. 

    He’s a plagiarist, too.

    I have to say, if Uncle Joe were a beloved member of my own family, I’d tell him to go home and enjoy his family.  It’s painful to listen to him, and I have a feeling that most who do are just waiting for the next gaffe.

    When I was a kid, my mother was a huge fan of Val Doonican, an Irish Singer who had a (very) modest success in the States for a year or two, but who was very popular in the UK.  He had a hit called “I Was Born 10,000 Years Ago.”  There are many variations, sung by many artists on YouTube, but every time I see Biden doing his schtick, I think of Val Doonican’s version:

    • #5
  6. Ontheleftcoast Inactive
    Ontheleftcoast
    @Ontheleftcoast

    Jeff Hawkins (View Comment):

    DonG (skeptic) (View Comment):

    We have had presidents that become mentally incapable in office (eg, Wilson), but we have never had a candidate in that situation. Who is the puppet master for Joe? Is it Jill? Or, is it some Obama henchman?

    Joe’s too prideful to have a handler

    Would he know he had one?

    • #6
  7. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    Well you see it is a binary choice, on flight 93 heading for the capital building. If we don’t take our country back now we will never have a chance to again in our life times. We have to vote for Biden or the country is doomed and American carnage reigns. This is not time for principles, but hard 51% choices. Wait, wait, I have more cliches to throw at you… stop rolling your eyes. Oh how about Joe Biden is an imperfect man, but God works his will through many imperfect people like King David. So really Joe Biden is basically King David or St. Joseph (oh my God…they even have the same name)… 

    Hey, either way all I have to say is With Joe Biden in the White House we can finally get to the bottom of Trumps misdeeds and Lock Him Up! 

    Oh I just remembered another one. You go into battle with the General you have and Joe Biden is our General and we have to follow him or we lose the war and the enemy wins. Oh how about this. Joe Biden can perform late term abortions in the oval office if he just stops the wall? In Biden we Trust baby. 

    I also hope to be able to defend him for his inappropriate garbing of women by pointing out that it is really just Locker room talk. And I’m sorry if any people were offended, but you have to remember Joe Biden isn’t a regular politician he’s an outsider. He’ll shake up the system. Toss a handgranade into the establishment fight the entrenched Trumpist bureaucracy. 

     

    • #7
  8. Guruforhire Inactive
    Guruforhire
    @Guruforhire

    I am just waiting for the eponymous goldberg article “two cheers for coronavirus.”

    • #8
  9. Ontheleftcoast Inactive
    Ontheleftcoast
    @Ontheleftcoast

    Sundance at CTH:

    Joe Biden won significantly, and it looks like those wins were by design.  The media are amplifying a strong Biden narrative on behalf of the professional political class within the DNC Club.

    (1) If you accept the Club objective to keep the progressive Sanders vote split, and then  assemble the non-Sanders vote – all proportional states, the Club was very successful.

    (2) As a result of coalescing within the moderate lane, the withdrawal of Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg helped Joe Biden achieve wins in states he never even campaigned in.

    (3) If you align Elizabeth Warren votes with Bernie Sanders (progressives) and Michael Bloomberg votes with Joe Biden (Club “moderates”)… Elizabeth Warren staying in the race cost Bernie Sanders wins in Minnesota, Maine and Massachusetts.

    (4) Extending the math, the delegate impact from Warren staying in the race was a net negative to Bernie Sanders and a net positive to Joe Biden.   Without Warren Bernie would have had larger delegate wins in Utah, Colorado and California.

    (5) Joe Biden winning Texas was arguably the biggest surprise.

    (6) Without Warren in the race Bernie would have won seven states: Minnesota, Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Colorado, Utah and California.   Biden would have also won seven states: Virginia, North Carolina, Arkansas, Alabama, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Texas.

    (7) If you accept the Club goal was to diminish Bernie Sanders, the plan for Klobuchar and Buttigieg to exit the race and Warren remaining in the race did exactly what was intended.

    (8) Despite winning some delegates Michael Bloomberg did not negatively impact Joe Biden.  Biden’s wins in North Carolina, Virginia, Alabama, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Arkansas and Texas would have been larger; but the resulting delegate additions would have been less than the delegate additions Bernie would have received from Warren’s exit.

    If Warren stays, it’s Party discipline holding.

    Henry Olsen at the WaPo agrees:

    Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) has been telling us for weeks that she’d win the nomination because “she persisted.” Her persistence likely had the opposite effect, potentially costing her and fellow progressive Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) their best chance for the nomination….

    This was fine for her and the progressive movement as long as the moderate lane was fractured. Former vice president Joe Biden; former South Bend, Ind., mayor Pete Buttigieg; and Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) all drew support primarily from the party’s center and right, those who say they are only liberal or even moderate. Those voters were more numerous than the very vocal left, but so long as they were split, whoever became the progressive’s champion could hope to be the nominee by winning large numbers of delegates with a minority of the vote.

    Biden’s a moderate to him, too.

    • #9
  10. iWe Coolidge
    iWe
    @iWe

    Oh. And Joe is coming for your guns!

     

    • #10
  11. DrewInWisconsin, Influencer Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Influencer
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    Well you see it is a binary choice, on flight 93 heading for the capital building. If we don’t take our country back now we will never have a chance to again in our life times.

    Funny, but that’s what the Nevers sound like these days as they try to justify their votes for one of the many flavors of socialist the Democrats are running.

    • #11
  12. WillowSpring Member
    WillowSpring
    @WillowSpring

    Jeff Hawkins (View Comment):
    Joe’s too prideful to have a handler

    Who said he would know?

     

    edit:  oops – @Ontheleftcoast beat me to it.

    • #12
  13. Taras Coolidge
    Taras
    @Taras

    @valiuth — “you have to remember Joe Biden isn’t a regular politician he’s an outsider. He’ll shake up the system. Toss a handgranade [sic] into the establishment fight the entrenched Trumpist bureaucracy.”

    Setting aside the absurd reference to an “entrenched Trumpist bureaucracy”*, did you write your satire expecting Bernie to be the big winner on Super Tuesday, and then at the last minute change every reference from “Bernie”, to “Biden”?

    Biden is, of course, not an “outsider” but the hackiest of hack politicians, the candidate of the establishment, and of the entrenched bureaucracy.  Absolutely nobody thinks he will “shake up the system”.  He’s running to make sure that the gravy in the gravy train flows unstinted.

    One of the things Never Trumpers seem unable to grasp is that American politics isn’t a pendulum that you can swing back-and-forth:  let the Democrats win this time; the damage can be undone by a subsequent Republican administration.  (If there ever is one.)

    Amnesty illegal aliens and rush them through the citizenship process — their citizenship is virtually never taken back.  (And Texas becomes California.)  Throw open the borders to admit millions more — only a tiny fraction will ever be deported.

    A progressive Supreme Court invents new Constitutional rights (and requires higher taxes to finance them!) — the Constitution is never put back the way it was.  Progressives create new entitlement programs — they are never undone.

    *The Federal bureaucracy is composed mostly of liberal Democrats, with a few RINO’s here and there for show.  

    • #13
  14. Jeff Hawkins Coolidge
    Jeff Hawkins
    @JeffHawkins

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    Well you see it is a binary choice, on flight 93 heading for the capital building. If we don’t take our country back now we will never have a chance to again in our life times. We have to vote for Biden or the country is doomed and American carnage reigns. This is not time for principles, but hard 51% choices. Wait, wait, I have more cliches to throw at you… stop rolling your eyes. Oh how about Joe Biden is an imperfect man, but God works his will through many imperfect people like King David. So really Joe Biden is basically King David or St. Joseph (oh my God…they even have the same name)…

    Trump’s a boorish clown, let me vote for the other boorish clown who also calls me a racist and a nazi and is against most of my opinions on governance.  

     

    • #14
  15. Unsk Member
    Unsk
    @Unsk

    Valiuth, let me fix your comment for you:  We have to vote for Biden  a Senile Old Crook /Chinese Agent /Traitor or the country is doomed and American carnage reigns.

    Who is the puppet master for Joe? When Moochelle becomes the Vice Presidential nominee you will know. 

    • #15
  16. Richard Fulmer Inactive
    Richard Fulmer
    @RichardFulmer

    I can’t see a conservative case for either Biden or Trump.  All I see is the misery of trying to guess which will do the least damage to the country. 

    Trump2 will likely be worse than Trump1 – most of the grownups have left his administration and his reelection would further convince him of his own omniscience.

    On the other hand, I agree with Jeff Hawkins’ low assessment of Biden, so I have little reason to expect  anything good coming out of a Biden presidency.

    • #16
  17. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    DrewInWisconsin, Influencer (View Comment):

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    Well you see it is a binary choice, on flight 93 heading for the capital building. If we don’t take our country back now we will never have a chance to again in our life times.

    Funny, but that’s what the Nevers sound like these days as they try to justify their votes for one of the many flavors of socialist the Democrats are running.

    Yah, you guys were right. Take the win. I’m done with principles and reason I just want to see Trumpism and its fans burn and I will lay waste to anything and everything in this pursuit. #Nihilismlolz. Why should you guys get to burn the system down? Trump is now the system and so I’m looking for matches. 

    • #17
  18. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    And he’s creepy too. Not sleepy. Creepy. 

    • #18
  19. DrewInWisconsin, Influencer Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Influencer
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    I’m done with principles and reason I just want to see Trumpism and its fans burn and I will lay waste to anything and everything in this pursuit.

    We know.

    • #19
  20. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    @taras Yah, I will admit it would be more fun to give the whole binary choice flight 93 BS with Bernie at the top than Biden, but hey like Trumps train of thought it doesn’t have to cheese cake is the worst cake. Not a VEGTABLE!

    Politics isn’t a pendulum. Yah fair point, but Trump is destroying all institutional integrity. Relecting him just cements all of this worst policies and would serve to justify the stupid Nationalist trend on the right. Plus again as I have said I just want to see Trump supporters unhappy. You guys got 4 years to be happy arbitrarily raising taxes, creating massive deficits, failing to get 3% annual growth, restricting immigration on racist pretexts, and claiming unprecedented executive powers and privilages. Now I want you all to live with the Democrats doing that. I will of course remain unhappy, but at least you all will be with me instead of my liberal friends (with whom I’ve been bonding with over Trump for the last 4 years). Don’t you want us to rebond together over our dislike of what President Biden is doing? Think how fun that would be. Like the Obama years. We all had  a good time then? Didn’t we? 

    Okay serious point now

    Taras (View Comment):
    Amnesty illegal aliens and rush them through the citizenship process — their citizenship is virtually never taken back. (And Texas becomes California.) Throw open the borders to admit millions more — only a tiny fraction will ever be deported.

    Texas is already like California in demographic terms or very close to it.  Yet their politics are different. Maybe if the Republican party in California just sucked less at attracting Hispanic votes they wouldn’t have become this marginal group of losers. 

    • #20
  21. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Richard Fulmer (View Comment):
    I can’t see a conservative case for either Biden or Trump.

    Do you deny Trump has done mostly conservative things in office?

    • #21
  22. DrewInWisconsin, Influencer Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Influencer
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Richard Fulmer (View Comment):
    Trump2 will likely be worse than Trump1

    What terrible things did Trump1 deliver upon us?

     

    • #22
  23. JamesSalerno Inactive
    JamesSalerno
    @JamesSalerno

    How about this one for the “moral” Joe Biden:

    Biden’s wife and infant daughter were killed in a car accident by an oncoming tractor trailer in the early 70’s. That’s obviously an event that would traumatize anyone. However, alcohol was ruled out as a cause. The truck driver died in 1999, I believe from natural causes. Years later, Biden decides to repeatedly lie about the accident, claiming the man was drunk, for political gain. This did not sit well with the man’s family. The driver was also obviously traumatized by the incident and carried the guilt of it for the rest of his life.

    Using the death of your wife and daughter for political gain and slandering a man who can no longer defend himself is disgusting. Biden is the lowest of the low.

    • #23
  24. Ansonia Member
    Ansonia
    @Ansonia

    Re: # 23

    I wish more people knew that Joe Biden proved he was willing to tell a vicious, family-reputation-destroying lie about an ordinary man just to win sympathy and credibility. I’ve got a mother in law who tells me she’s  not going to vote for Trump because he’s just so mean and nasty and “hasn’t a good word to say about anyone”.

    • #24
  25. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Ansonia (View Comment):

    Re: # 23

    I wish more people knew that Joe Biden proved he was willing to tell a vicious, family-reputation-destroying lie about an ordinary man just to win sympathy and credibility. I’ve got a mother in law who tells me she’s not going to vote for Trump because he’s so mean and nasty.

    People wouldn’t vote for the guy who tried to make Ukraine more corrupt, would they? If anything is mean and nasty, that is.

    • #25
  26. Ontheleftcoast Inactive
    Ontheleftcoast
    @Ontheleftcoast

    iWe (View Comment):

    Oh. And Joe is coming for your guns!

    Which in today’s Democrat Party is a “moderate” position.

    • #26
  27. DrewInWisconsin, Influencer Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Influencer
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Ansonia (View Comment):
    I’ve got a mother in law who tells me she’s not going to vote for Trump because he’s just so mean and nasty and “hasn’t a good word to say about anyone”.

    Of course, that’s not true.

     

    • #27
  28. Richard Fulmer Inactive
    Richard Fulmer
    @RichardFulmer

    DrewInWisconsin, Influencer (View Comment):

    Richard Fulmer (View Comment):
    Trump2 will likely be worse than Trump1

    What terrible things did Trump1 deliver upon us?

    Trump:

    1. Started trade wars with our allies
    2. Killed the Trans-Pacific Partnership, which was our best chance at checking China
    3. Muffed the chance to get significant stretches of the wall built
    4. Tainted the drive to restore our borders with his toxic rhetoric
    5. Repeatedly abused the power of the Presidency (though, admittedly, no more than did his recent predecessors)
    6. Signed a ridiculous “peace” deal with the Taliban
    7. Set the stage for the return of ISIS
    8. Has presided over a huge increase in government spending
    9. Pardoned war criminals
    10. Pardoned an unrepentant Rod Blagojevich
    11. Has worked to clear people – including conservatives – who aren’t loyal to him personally out of elected office and out of government in general 
    12. Pandered to the Alt-Right
    • #28
  29. Richard Fulmer Inactive
    Richard Fulmer
    @RichardFulmer

    Sometimes we’ve had to choose between the lesser of two evils. More often, we’ve had to choose between the evil of two lessers. This time, we’re faced with having to choose between the evil of two evil lessers.

    • #29
  30. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Jeff Hawkins (View Comment):

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    Well you see it is a binary choice, on flight 93 heading for the capital building. If we don’t take our country back now we will never have a chance to again in our life times. We have to vote for Biden or the country is doomed and American carnage reigns. This is not time for principles, but hard 51% choices. Wait, wait, I have more cliches to throw at you… stop rolling your eyes. Oh how about Joe Biden is an imperfect man, but God works his will through many imperfect people like King David. So really Joe Biden is basically King David or St. Joseph (oh my God…they even have the same name)…

    Trump’s a boorish clown, let me vote for the other boorish clown who also calls me a racist and a nazi and is against most of my opinions on governance.

    Even if the Dems nominated someone who isn’t a boorish clown, whoever it is would be full of bad ideas, dangerous to the US and to the world.

    How do I know?

    Simple.

    They won the Democrat nomination.

    • #30
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