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Is Porn Poison for the Brain?
Does porn actually damage the brain? Might sound far-fetched, but there is some very interesting research on this topic that might convince you that it does. This week, I plan to post each day on a different topic related to my new book, Sex & God at Yale. Chapter 2, entitled “The Great Porn Debate,” details a rip-roaring Oxford-style porn debate starring porn performer Ron Jeremy, which was held in New Haven during my junior year.
Just this morning, a current Yale student sent me this fascinating TEDx video, featuring a talk by physiologist Gary Wilson, host of www.yourbrainonporn.com. According to the video description, Wilson’s research “arose in response to a growing demand for solid scientific information by heavy Internet erotica users experiencing perplexing, unexpected effects: escalation to more extreme material, concentration difficulties, sexual performance problems, radical changes in sexual tastes, social anxiety, irritability, inability to stop, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.”
The video lasts about 15 min, but you can catch the main drift by watching only the first 5. Do so and I promise you’ll learn something:
Fascinating stuff, huh? Especially considering how extreme and how universal porn has become among youth in the internet age. It has shaped an entire generation already.
So what do you think? Is porn harmless, or is it poison for the brain?
Published in General
Before the advent of the internet, I had a friend who accidentally discovered her husband’s stash of porn. She divorced him, saying that he had violated her trust, and their relationship. She felt as if he had betrayed her, not with just one woman, but with many. She couldn’t bear him, nor could she stay with him. She felt his mind was suffering from a dreadful sickness and she didn’t want to be contaminated.
TR. ·1 hour ago
Sounds to me like the person with the problem was the wife not him. After all, there were no problems before she found the stash. And I expect she never once read a romance novel or watched a soap opera (day or nighttime), right? ·16 minutes ago
Um, it’s just as likely (or more likely) that the discovery of the porn stash explained the problems the marriage was having rather than led to its dissolution.
I think porn victimizes men far more than women, but we don’t know anything about that particular relationship. ·1 minute ago
I went with what was said as what happened. Did not add data.
And again, does women porn not victimize women? Does having an false image of a relationship with a man that their husband can never live up too present a problem?
In fact, with no fault divorce, women are more likely to leave their husbands these days than the other way around. Can we say for sure that unrealistic relationship expectations are not partially to blame.
So far, in this thread I see an attack on porn for men; but nothing on porn for women. The #1 type of book sold in America is the Romance Novel. It outsells everything else. Why no panic there?
Everyone wants to pile on to the end result of him looking at porn and deride the guy as some kind of sicko, but nobody is addressing the actual cause of the porn use.
WHY is the guy looking at porn when he’s married? Is his wife holding out on him perhaps? Or maybe dictating all the terms to him in a way that makes very unattractive?
The idea that most married guys use porn as an outlet for their “sexual frustration” is extremely demeaning to women. Most guys that indulge in porn do so irrespective of how good their sex lives are, and when the quality of their sex lives inevitably degrade they use that as an excuse for their continued use. It’s a selfish, evil practice, and it’s all the worse when it’s blamed on women.
-E
Exactly.
Like probably 95% of couples, we’ve had “disagreements” over “intimacy” issues. Like about 80% of couples, I want more sex than she does (in the other 20% of cases, the woman wants it more often– one has to wonder, in how many of those cases is the man suffering ED from too much porn?).
It is a “beast” that needs to be tamed. It starts with acknowledging and accepting that a) browbeating my wife into sex won’t work and b) I can say no to myself and wait for another day. Point b) gives me the patience to woo my wife, which helps with point a).
(cont)
If anyone thinks getting married is going to help with the porn addiction, or that if only the wife was doing her duty I wouldn’t have this problem, they are seriously naive. I thought that too, but quickly found out how wrong I was.
Porn addiction and the changes it made to my brain only fueled more problems. It wasn’t really a “release valve” for my unsatisfied sexual urges, as I rationalized at the time and others on this thread have rationalized; it actually made them worse in the longer run.
The idea that most married guys use porn as an outlet for their “sexual frustration” is extremely demeaning to women. Most guys that indulge in porn do so irrespective of how good their sex lives are, and when the quality of their sex lives inevitably degrade they use that as an excuse for their continued use. It’s a selfish, evil practice, and it’s all the worse when it’s blamed on women.
-E ·11 minutes ago
Can’t help but notice how outraged are against men’s porn, but how there is not a word against women’s porn.
Am I missing something?
Men need sex to feel connected to their wives. Women need communication to feel connected to their husbands.
Without sufficient sex, men seek from porn (or cheating) thephysicalgratification that they used to get from … the women they love, and perhaps curtail spousal communication in retaliation.
Without sufficient communication, women seek from (…) the emotional gratification they used to get from … men they love, and perhaps curtail spousal sex in retaliation.
Porn use doesn’t seem to have been proved to be a black-and-white blight on humanity.
I don’t get how you can’t see the obvious contradiction between your last sentence and what immediately precedes it.
If men (and women) are seeking satisfaction for their needs outside of their relationship, that’s a bad thing, not a good thing.
Men must learn to satisfy our wife’s needs, and vice versa. It’s a sometimes messy process, and we must each learn to give a lot more than might come “naturally.” Porn (and romance novels or whatever) short-circuit this process by giving gratification with no required outlay on our part, and thus train us in the very opposite of what we need to learn.
Cool Hand, I wonder if there is anyone on earth dumb enough to think porn can be eradicated or in any way dealt with effectively via government. I’m as socially conservative as they come and the last thing that comes to my mind is some kind of law or new bureaucratic agency to deal with pornography. Child porn is an exception of course. And yet, the failure to eradicate that crime is pretty good evidence that the solution needs to come from outside govt.
To judge the intent of something, it’s often helpful to examine the source:
Except when the spouse actually IS to blame. Which actuallydoeshappen sometimes. That is, sometimes the wifeisto blame (for whatever the problem is). Maybe she refused counseling, or refused its recommendations.
Or are you suggesting that the wives of men who use porn are all angels?
No, no one is perfect.
But for heaven’s sake, stop using the wife as an excuse for porn! That is the point.
It’s true that in probably 80% of cases, husbands won’t get all of the satisfaction their bodies want from their wives alone.
It’s true that some (many?) women use sex to manipulate their husbands.
So? Porn is going to solve the problem?
I used to rationalize it in the same way.
No, you have to go through the hard and messy process of coming to terms with each other, and it’s going to involve a lot of self-denial. In that sense, as I noted above, porn (and the female equivalents) actually make the problem worse.
I will admit to being a before-and-after case (a former addict if one ever stops being one). Yes, some people manage to keep it under control in the sense that it doesn’t spiral out into their behavior in other spheres, but can they ever stop using it easily if they choose? If the answer is no, you are addicted. Any addiction is unhealthy for your brain in one form or another, as it impairs your long term thinking and self control mechanisms in general.
Straw man. No one here made that argument.
I said that because it seems implicit in the concept that the wife is to blame for porn use. I phrased it awkwardly, but basically that was the main idea I had to reject in order to get out of the addiction.
Let me phrase it differently.
I reject the widely-held notion that “men will be men” and that the male sexual urge needs frequent release.
Of course, I have first-hand experience with the fact that we want it pretty badly, and often go to great lengths for it. I accept that wives should understand this about their men and not abuse sex to manipulate them, but should try to satisfy our “needs” (wants) more often.
But again, I reject the notion that we have to channel our desires into some other form of release if our wives are not “doing their job” to phrase it crudely. I reject that very rationalizing mentality because it’s destructive and addictive and doesn’t help solve, but exacerbates, the underlying relational problems.
Vows go both ways, and CH may be saying (and if not, then I am) that sometimes porn is a husband’s last resort short of cheating. Remember, the person who says “no” wields all the power over sex. Sometimes that person does so out of revenge or as a weapon or for any number of illegitimate reasons. A guy who resorts to porn may very well have already been the one vow-violated first by his spouse.
See? In the very language you use, that porn is a “last resort” before cheating, you are implicitly saying that the man can’t help his poor little self.
I reject that notion roundly. Even if the wife is withholding all sex, it should never be an excuse or a rationalization for cheating or porn.
Yes, her behavior makes it more likely. It is “sending the man out into the world hungry” as Larry put it. It makes things extremely hard for us men, who are hardwired a certain way. Wives, take note and understand this about your man.
But men, our hardwired desires are not a proper justification for misbehavior. We learn to check our desires in many other situations.
I’d be willing to bet Tabula that feminism has been a more insidious influence on marriage than porn. Additionally the laziness of domestic law system, fromjudges to lawyers to no- fault , is another contributor to weakening the fabric of marriage .
Porn is dopamine for the most part as an earlier commenter phrased.
Technology has brought the naughty frescoes , the single reel 8mm , Evergreen and Grove press , even King Farouk’s waste of Egyptian treasury crashing thru the internet , sliding under the hotel room door, and into the minds of network screenwriters who can’t wait to drop it in your living room.
It’s a lietmotif , not the zeitgeist. It’s hard enough to filter the living room tv than worry about relegislating this unfortunate cash machine for content sellers.
Actually, I have read, and had confirmed to me by tat aficionados, that tattoos, as well as piercings and other body mods, really are addictive in some way. Think how many people you’ve seen that only have one … ·1 hour ago
Interesting reflections, Tom. I suspect you are right. I know people with tattoos (who seem to get no pleasure from them) and I gently dissuade them from getting more, usually without success. It’s high time we return, in my mind, to judging things as good or bad — even as we shrink from judging in any lasting sense the people who do them. Who has ever seen a person and thought, “You know what’s missing? A tattoo.” Or, “Without that tattoo she wouldn’t be anything special.”
I think tattoo splatterings are lonely acts of boredom. And getting tatted is the ultimate “follower” thing to do. The act seems to be propelledsolely by addiction now, rather than by self-expression. I have heard one interesting theory, though, that some young people first get tattoos because tattoos are the only things they can afford to own.
By the way, I do not mean to stand in judgement or condemnation of any person by all of this, or I would have to condemn myself.
I do judge the behavior, the mentality and the problem.
So don’t take it personally, as if it were directed at you. If you are having a problem with this (and my guess is, to be extremely conservative, that at least 50% of the men reading this do), I’m hoping that you are able to get out of it.
The first step in overcoming any addiction is admitting that there is a problem.
As a society, and as individuals, many of us haven’t come to grips with even admitting it’s a problem.
Porn is especially insidious because it’s still in most circles shrouded in shame. People using porn don’t want to talk about it. Ex-users don’t usually want to talk about it either. I still don’t like to talk about it. I think this thread is the most open I’ve ever been about it. The reason I’m saying all this is in hopes that we can at least acknowledge the problem.
It’s very interesting to notice the women’s position (not only made by the women here, BTW) vs. the men’s position.
This particular phrase just drove me crazy all night, and I have to come back and comment on it. There is a position that pornography is harmful, initially made by a male Contributor who posted a video of a male researcher showing evidence for his position. This position is supported by a majority of commenters, both female and male, and opposed (very vociferously, to the level of 23 comments as of now in one case) by a few males. How does this become the “women’s position”?
So after going though this thread the conclusion seems to be.
Men sexuality = porn = evil
Women sexuality = romance novel = good
Finally, even if you can justify and rationalize porn use for yourself, and don’t see a moral reason not to, realize there are plenty of moral problems involving others that porn causes or results in.
To start, it exploits women. Yes, most of the women in the videos are there by their own free will. But a large number of them are not enjoying it and are also trapped in a destructive lifestyle that the pornographers exploit. Many are recruited in their teens and sold lies about the glamor of it, etc.
As the video points out, the addiction is fueled by increased novelty, which results in a hunger for ever-more explicit and unusual acts for the camera. Many times these women find themselves pressured to engage in some pretty strange and disgusting things. As a former user, I am saddened that my addiction resulted in that.
Beyond that, porn is the “gateway drug” for worse problems. It fuels demand for prostitution and sex trafficking. Yes, those things have been around since the dawn of time, but we’re adding to them, rather than providing a release valve from them, with the widespread use of porn.
Men sexuality = porn = evil
Women sexuality = romance novel = good
You must be reading a different thread.
I haven’t read anyone justify women’s porn (whatever form it takes) on this thread. That’s a pretty weak straw man.
Don’t take it personally. This is not an attack on male sexuality. It’s an attack on porn. Let’s agree that the two aren’t one and the same, please?
A good summary of my point. I always have trouble being concise.
This particular phrase just drove me crazy all night, and I have to come back and comment on it. There is a position that pornography is harmful, initially made by a male Contributor who posted a video of a male researcher showing evidence for his position. This position is supported by a majority of commenters, both male and female. It is opposed (very vociferously, to the level of 23 comments as of now in one case) by a few males. How does this become the female point of view?
I think because it is being taken too personally by some of the men who feel it is an attack on what they understand as male sexuality, and because many men find themselves sexually frustrated in their relationships.
I guess I understand that to a degree as a man, but my main intention is not to attack anyone personally, so don’t take it personally.
Also, just because we’re focusing on this problem doesn’t mean there isn’t a corresponding problem on the female side.
Women, please understand that it’s very frustrating to men to be held up to an impossible romantic ideal– and women are fed these impossibly romantic ideals all throughout our culture. Yes, we men need to learn to be more caring, romantic, communicative, etc., but this is all part of the give-and-take that both sexes need to learn.
Far more divorces are initiated by women than by men these days, and could it be partially because women are seeking a more romantic partner, or just “fell out of love” with their existing partner as he didn’t seem to live up to their unrealistically high expectations?
A good summary of my point. I always have trouble being concise. ·3 minutes ago
See comment #167.
Dennis Prager in his lecture,” Man’s Sexual Nature” posited that 2 elements of man’s sexual nature are the visual & the desire for variety. He proposes that porn appeals to those.
Dennis Prager does not strike me as particularly libertine. So odd that he does not seem to think Porn is the great scourge of our time.
Interesting. ·1 hour ago
This lecture addresses so much more than porn. It helped me understand my husband better & I believe I have become a better wife as a result.
It’s very interesting to notice the women’s position (not only made by the women here, BTW) vs. the men’s position.
This particular phrase just drove me crazy all night, and I have to come back and comment on it. There is a position that pornography is harmful, initially made by a male Contributor who posted a video of a male researcher showing evidence for his position. This position is supported by a majority of commenters, both female and male, and opposed (very vociferously, to the level of 23 comments as of now in one case) by a few males. How does this become the “women’s position”? ·15 minutes ago
Edited 6 minutes ago
Is a large number of posts in defense of the idea that porn is not a poison a big deal? If there were more people talking my side, maybe I would have posted less. I suspect people don’t want to be seen defending porn.
All I am trying to say is that just because some people might become addicted to something, it does not make that thing “poison”.
Is a large number of posts in defense of the idea that porn is not a poison a big deal? If there were more people talking my side, maybe I would have posted less. I suspect people don’t want to be seen defending porn.
All I am trying to say is that just because some people might become addicted to something, it does not make that thing “poison”.
Did you watch the video? That’s all I want to say to you at this point.
If you haven’t, do.
If you have, address your arguments to the points made therein.
This 200 word limit really is in the way.
The gateway drug argument is not really true for Pot, I rather doubt it is any more true for porn. While addicts might need harder and harder stuff, that does not apply for most pot users. Heck, only 30% of coke users are addicts. Is porn worse than coke?
Does filming porn only hurt the women actors? How does written porn hurt anyone in its creation?
Is a large number of posts in defense of the idea that porn is not a poison a big deal? If there were more people talking my side, maybe I would have posted less. I suspect people don’t want to be seen defending porn.
All I am trying to say is that just because some people might become addicted to something, it does not make that thing “poison”.
Did you watch the video? That’s all I want to say to you at this point.
If you haven’t, do.
If you have, address your arguments to the points made therein. ·4 minutes ago
Sometimes people in AA who are in recovery seem convinced that anyone that drinks must have a problem.
I do not think porn is clear and present danger to society. I agree it causes problems for some people. I think things like meth and crack are much more damaging to individuals and families.
There is nothing in this science presented about brain change that you cannot say about drugs, even alcohol.
You don’t vow to be faithful to someone “as long as I’m happy with our sex life” or even “as long as she/he loves me.” The traditional vow is “as long as we both shall live.”
So, do you take that as a license to torture your husband by denying him sex for long periods of time, secure in the knowledge that he won’t break his vows no matter how badly he’s treated?
Um, no. I feel as though I’ve had to sink to the level of having to tell a two-year-old the obvious truism: “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” “He hit me first” is not an excuse. Neither is “she started it.”