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Stalked by Boris
Now, don’t laugh. This is serious. I know that this helium balloon, which has been haunting me for a month, is possessed, and it won’t leave me alone. This is how this whole story began…
Two months’ ago a friend gave me three helium-filled balloons for my birthday. Any normal balloons would have collapsed weeks ago. One did. But the other two have been hiding out somewhere in my office. And then suddenly they re-appeared.
(It’s important to understand that the west side of our home has three connected rooms: my office, a very long bathroom with shower and tub, the water closet, and then the master bedroom at the far end.)
One balloon is pretty shy. I’ve named her Natasha. She hangs out over the bathroom doorway in the corner and just watches me passing by. But the other balloon, named Boris, will not leave us alone!
The worst part of the stalking began yesterday. Natasha was hanging quietly in her corner in the bathroom and I was styling my hair. Suddenly, I felt something bump on my hip. It was Boris. I tried to tell him to go away, but he wouldn’t leave me be. The next thing I knew, he was following Jerry into the shower! What an outrage! I quickly grabbed him, put him into the farthest corner of my office and went back to my hair. Then out of the corner of my eye, there he was again — heading into the shower! I put Boris back in the corner, hoping a time-out would settle him down.
Later that morning, I heard a thudding in the bedroom. At first, I ignored it, assuming I was hearing things. When it continued, I walked past the water closet (where Natasha was still hanging out near the ceiling) and at a distance, I could see Boris being thrashed by the large fan over our bed. I ran into the bedroom and yelled at Boris to come down, but he just kept bouncing around with the fan. I finally was able to reach his string and drag him down. I gave him what-for and once again, put him back in time-out.
It wasn’t until later that I realized what Boris had done. By playing with the fan, he had dislodged all the dust on the fan blades all over the bedroom. Boy, the two of them really had a ball! Meanwhile, I called to Jerry and we vacuumed the bedroom and the comforter. I kept an eye out for Boris in the meantime. He kept out of sight, since he knew he was in deep trouble. I found him later in the office corner, trying to look penitent.
This morning, Natasha was still over the water closet door, but I didn’t see Boris around. I shrieked when I looked into my closet: there was Boris, insidiously sitting on the floor, just waiting to intimidate me once again. In a short time, he was at my side, watching me style my hair.
Now I just don’t know what to do. If I get rid of Boris, he’ll probably haunt me. I know there is more evil awaiting me. I just have to do something.
And don’t tell me that I can’t read the mind of a helium balloon.
The Democrats do that sort of thing all the time.
Published in General
… okay …
Is this some kind of Russian hoax?!
My gosh, who knows? Or Ukrainian? Or the Chinese? Or the Munchkins?
I sense a bit of skepticism, Mr. @percival. You do believe me, don’t you?
Oh yes!
<backs slowly towards the door>
Well, @percival, I can see that you are not going to be any help to me at all! I am not making this story up. Boris is real. Natasha is real. Help!
No problem! Just call on Moose and Squirrel.☺️
No, it’s Boris Johnson, come to celebrate Brexit with you on Palindrome Day.
Ah, Satan sees Natasha; no Devil lived on!
That was my first thought when I saw the headline. “What’s Susan doing in London?”
Did you name them before they began causing trouble? At least they’re not Mahmoud and Ilhan, amirite?
Yesterday morning I intuited their names. Yes, it could have been worse. But the stalking is unnerving part . . .
Go out on your front lawn with both balloons, and a straight pin. Prick each balloon. Once all the remaining helium is gone, flatten them both and hang them on your wall as a reminder.
See, problem solved.
Accept no substitutes Le Rouge Balloon.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x23dfvy
Gosh, I don’t know, @RushBabe49. They probably have connections or back-up. Vladimir might show up!
Compared with regular balloons, Mylar is relatively impermeable.
See there! I knew it!
Nail them to the wall as a warning.
I see I’m not the only one who has a Bloody Mary for breakfast . . .
Uh . . . I prefer mimosas . . . but only on vacation.
Well, retirement is also known as a permanent vacation . . .
I’m all for day drinking, but I tend to save Bloody Marys as a curative for the effects of night drinking.
S.,
You are a mysterious bundle of hidden writing talents.
(Don’t think that means you can start acting like a big shot. You probably have hidden faults that cancel out most of your strengths, and on net you’re just above-average, like the rest of us.)
@markcamp, aren’t you sweet! I think. . .
Are you sure the Boris balloon isn’t really Capt. Peter “Wrong Way” Peachfuzz? All that stuff sounds more like his modus operendi…
Beat me to it! Also one of my favorite childhood story books.
Susan, you have a water closet? Aren’t you in Florida? I thought that they only had water closets across the pond.
This made me confused in following the part about the balloons, because I kept expecting to read Nigel when you wrote Natasha.
I must be old since no one understood the reference to a wonderful childhood short film.
We must of have seen the film at least once a year when I was in P.S. 40 back in the 1960s. I always wondered what happened to the boy, after the balloons that carried him away ran out of helium, or what mom and dad were thinking when he didn’t come home that night. Seemed to leave a lot of questions (literally) up in the air.
That is hilarious and Happy Birthday!! They may need to send a few of those magic balloons to the next Democratic Caucus for voter entertainment in case something goes wrong again – there’s plenty of hot air to assure it! Look over here……Balloons!