Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Ask Arahant: Advice from a Kindly Curmudgeon, Volume III

 

@cliffordbrown went and made the theme for the month Advice, and what better time than now to revive Ask Arahant. Your kindly curmudgeon is ready once again to answer your questions, as was done here and here.

You all know about advice columns. This is how it works. You ask for advice. I’ll dispense advice. You ask a silly question, I’ll give a silly answer. You ask a serious question, I’ll give a serious answer. I’ll do the best I can, but you get what you pay for, and you aren’t paying for my opinion in anything but time and attention.

So, what questions do you have for the Oracle of the Internet today?

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  1. Judge Mental Member

    How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

    • #1
    • February 2, 2020, at 9:50 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  2. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

    • #2
    • February 2, 2020, at 9:53 AM PST
    • 9 likes
  3. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    That was, of course, the definitive answer.

    • #3
    • February 2, 2020, at 9:54 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  4. Hoyacon Member

    I have this itch . . . no, wait a minute, I’ll think of a better one and save that for the PIT.

    • #4
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:02 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  5. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Hoyacon (View Comment):

    I have this itch . . . no, wait a minute, I’ll think of a better one and save that for the PIT.

    I am not a medical doctor, although we have plenty of them onsite. My advice is to see one before that thing falls off.

    • #5
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:03 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  6. KentForrester Moderator

    I think my wife is losing interest in me. What can I do?

    • #6
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:11 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  7. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    I think my wife is losing interest in me. What can I do?

    Read new books to make you have something new to say. You’ll never be boring if you’re learning every day.

    • #7
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:14 AM PST
    • 13 likes
  8. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… Thatcher

    Why?

    • #8
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:15 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  9. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… (View Comment):

    Why?

    Because it was foreordained in the beginning that all things created in Heaven would manifest in Earth.

    • #9
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:17 AM PST
    • 18 likes
  10. Hoyacon Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… (View Comment):

    Why?

    Because it was foreordained in the beginning that all things created in Heaven would manifest in Earth.

    You have a talent for the inarguable.

    • #10
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:20 AM PST
    • 10 likes
  11. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… Thatcher

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… (View Comment):

    Why?

    Because it was foreordained in the beginning that all things created in Heaven would manifest in Earth.

    I feel better already.

    • #11
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:20 AM PST
    • 15 likes
  12. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Hoyacon (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… (View Comment):

    Why?

    Because it was foreordained in the beginning that all things created in Heaven would manifest in Earth.

    You have a talent for the inarguable.

    Thank you.

    • #12
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:22 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  13. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    “Kindly.”

    • #13
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:31 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  14. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Percival (View Comment):
    “Kindly.”

    You really need to loosen up your coif.

    • #14
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:32 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  15. Judge Mental Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):
    “Kindly.”

    You really need to loosen up your coif.

    They’re bringing him back for the next Spider-Man movie, but without the hair. It’s just wrong.

    • #15
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:37 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  16. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Judge Mental (View Comment):
    They’re bringing him back for the next Spider-Man movie, but without the hair. It’s just wrong.

    It’s Hollywood. We’ll blame @clavius.

    • #16
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:40 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  17. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    I only got two hours of sleep last night. I asked my own advice about that, and the answer was to go take a nap. I’ll be back in a few hours. Feel free to keep the questions coming.

    • #17
    • February 2, 2020, at 10:43 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  18. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    • #18
    • February 2, 2020, at 11:15 AM PST
    • 25 likes
  19. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    I resemble that.

    • #19
    • February 2, 2020, at 12:49 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  20. Clifford A. Brown Contributor

    This conversation is part of our Group Writing Series under the February 2020 Group Writing Theme: “Advice.” Stop by soon, our schedule and sign-up sheet awaits.

    Interested in Group Writing topics that came before? See the handy compendium of monthly themes. Check out links in the Group Writing Group. You can also join the group to get a notification when a new monthly theme is posted.

    • #20
    • February 2, 2020, at 2:54 PM PST
    • 1 like
  21. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    How many cats can you have in a house before most people think you’ve gone insane?

    • #21
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:08 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  22. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    I resemble that.

    But I ‘ll bet you’re saving that picture to your media library.

    • #22
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:12 PM PST
    • 1 like
  23. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    How many cats can you have in a house before most people think you’ve gone insane?

    It does depend on the size of the house and number of human occupants, but generally three. One can use the excuse that one has gotten a second cat to keep the first company. Then, one might have an excuse for a third, “Well, we already had two, and so-and-so died, so we took in her cat.” In a large house with plenty of people, such as kids, you might even be able to have a fourth, “Oh, well, that one is Kristin’s and that one is Jenny’s…” Normally for a couple, I would not recommend more than two. For a single person, I would definitely not recommend more than two. If you’re a single (or divorced) lady with four or more cats, you are definitely a crazy cat lady.

    • #23
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:17 PM PST
    • 8 likes
  24. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    How many cats can you have in a house before most people think you’ve gone insane?

    Miss O’Malley wanted to add this:

    One was all they needed. They never should have brought the little monster home. She certainly isn’t my friend. Don’t blame that thing on me!

    • #24
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:20 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  25. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):
    But I ‘ll bet you’re saving that picture to your media library.

    I wasn’t planning to…

    • #25
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:22 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  26. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    This is a pretty good depiction of a feed and grain store.

    It can’t be considered canonical unless there is a bench in front with old men installed.

    Those old men are the ones you need to consult for advice. They know everything, true or not.

    • #26
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:47 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  27. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Percival (View Comment):
    It can’t be considered canonical unless there is a bench in front with old men installed.

    Depends on where it is and the time of year. Sometimes the bench is inside.

    • #27
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:49 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  28. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):
    It can’t be considered canonical unless there is a bench in front with old men installed.

    Depends on where it is and the time of year. Sometimes the bench is inside.

    It can be, but usually the bench stays outside and there are chairs by the stove.

    And there will be a stove.

    • #28
    • February 2, 2020, at 3:56 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  29. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Part of the problem with Washington D.C. is that they don’t have a decent feed and grain store anywhere nearby.

    • #29
    • February 2, 2020, at 4:01 PM PST
    • 11 likes
  30. Arahant Member
    Arahant

    Percival (View Comment):

    Part of the problem with Washington D.C. is that they don’t have a decent feed and grain store anywhere nearby.

    I have no doubt of this. They need one.

    • #30
    • February 2, 2020, at 4:31 PM PST
    • 2 likes