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Ask Arahant: Advice from a Kindly Curmudgeon, Volume III
@cliffordbrown went and made the theme for the month Advice, and what better time than now to revive Ask Arahant. Your kindly curmudgeon is ready once again to answer your questions, as was done here and here.
You all know about advice columns. This is how it works. You ask for advice. I’ll dispense advice. You ask a silly question, I’ll give a silly answer. You ask a serious question, I’ll give a serious answer. I’ll do the best I can, but you get what you pay for, and you aren’t paying for my opinion in anything but time and attention.
So, what questions do you have for the Oracle of the Internet today?
Published in Group Writing
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
That was, of course, the definitive answer.
I have this itch . . . no, wait a minute, I’ll think of a better one and save that for the PIT.
I am not a medical doctor, although we have plenty of them onsite. My advice is to see one before that thing falls off.
I think my wife is losing interest in me. What can I do?
Read new books to make you have something new to say. You’ll never be boring if you’re learning every day.
Why?
Because it was foreordained in the beginning that all things created in Heaven would manifest in Earth.
You have a talent for the inarguable.
I feel better already.
Thank you.
“Kindly.”
You really need to loosen up your coif.
They’re bringing him back for the next Spider-Man movie, but without the hair. It’s just wrong.
It’s Hollywood. We’ll blame @clavius.
I only got two hours of sleep last night. I asked my own advice about that, and the answer was to go take a nap. I’ll be back in a few hours. Feel free to keep the questions coming.
I resemble that.
This conversation is part of our Group Writing Series under the February 2020 Group Writing Theme: “Advice.” Stop by soon, our schedule and sign-up sheet awaits.
Interested in Group Writing topics that came before? See the handy compendium of monthly themes. Check out links in the Group Writing Group. You can also join the group to get a notification when a new monthly theme is posted.
How many cats can you have in a house before most people think you’ve gone insane?
But I ‘ll bet you’re saving that picture to your media library.
It does depend on the size of the house and number of human occupants, but generally three. One can use the excuse that one has gotten a second cat to keep the first company. Then, one might have an excuse for a third, “Well, we already had two, and so-and-so died, so we took in her cat.” In a large house with plenty of people, such as kids, you might even be able to have a fourth, “Oh, well, that one is Kristin’s and that one is Jenny’s…” Normally for a couple, I would not recommend more than two. For a single person, I would definitely not recommend more than two. If you’re a single (or divorced) lady with four or more cats, you are definitely a crazy cat lady.
Miss O’Malley wanted to add this:
I wasn’t planning to…
This is a pretty good depiction of a feed and grain store.
It can’t be considered canonical unless there is a bench in front with old men installed.
Those old men are the ones you need to consult for advice. They know everything, true or not.
Depends on where it is and the time of year. Sometimes the bench is inside.
It can be, but usually the bench stays outside and there are chairs by the stove.
And there will be a stove.
Part of the problem with Washington D.C. is that they don’t have a decent feed and grain store anywhere nearby.
I have no doubt of this. They need one.