The United States is launching a new offensive against the Iranian regime, in hopes of further destabilizing that country’s tyrannical government through non-military means. Though details of the offensive are classified, a high-ranking defense department official spoke anonymously about the new initiative.
We don’t talk about it much, but the defense and intelligence agencies sometimes work together on what we call psychological operations, or psyops. These are behind-the-scenes efforts to confuse, mislead, intimidate, and demoralize the enemy, to reduce his effectiveness as a fighting force and, sometimes, to encourage regime change. It’s really that regime change we’re after in Iran.
This new effort uses graphic images intended to induce fear and psychological trauma. It’s kind of a ‘shock-and-awe’ play, but without the guided munitions. No bombs this time, just pictures. Until recently, the most effective image in our psyops arsenal was a hi-res photograph of John Bolton scowling at the camera. We haven’t retired that one yet, but our boys in research have come up with something that appears to be even more devastating. We’re going to blanket Tehran with 8×10 glossies of the Covington High School kid in the MAGA hat. We call it ‘the Sandmann initiative,’ and we think it’s going to be a huge success. We’ve seen what this picture can do here in the States, and think it will be even more effective in Iran. Sure, the mullah’s don’t hate Trump as much as the Democrats do, but that’s actually a good thing: we have to stop short of committing a war crime here. We could never get away with doing this at Berkeley.
That’s why we didn’t use the picture of the Thunberg kid. War is hell and all but, come on. They’re still human beings.
The suddenly wealthy high school student is surfing in Maui, and could not be reached for comment.Published in