Predictions for 2020

 

I have drawn on my vast psychic powers to make bold predictions for the coming year. Check back next December to see how many I got right.

1. A Democrat will be caught in a corruption scandal but will escape prosecution or punishment.

2. It will be warmer than usual in some part of the world at some point in time. The media will call this proof of catastrophic global warming.

3. Several public school teachers will be arrested for sexually molesting their students, but edgy comedians will still make Catholic-Priest molestation jokes based on things that happened in the 1980s.

4. A shooting will take place, but it will be quickly memory-holed because the circumstances will be “unhelpful” to media’s preferred narrative.

5. A woke feminist will become outraged because some behavior previously thought to be innocuous perpetuates rape culture and makes people feel unsafe.

6. A celebrity whose career is in decline will become an “outspoken Trump opponent.”

7. A celebrity whose career is in decline will announce that she has a transgender child and appear on several chat shows.

8. Congress will pass an enormous budget, with a huge deficit, that contains billions in wasteful spending.

9. The quality of life in California, New York, and Chicago will continue to deteriorate. Local politicians will pass laws dealing with Climate Change and LGBTQ issues.

10. Trump will Tweet something that will make the media and Conservatism, Inc., go nanners.

11. Lots more Baby Yoda memes.

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There are 12 comments.

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  1. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    11. And Epstein will not kill himself.

    • #1
  2. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    A newspaper will run the headline “Turmoil in the Middle East.”

    • #2
  3. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    I searched and searched for something to dispute, but . . . 10/10

    • #3
  4. Samuel Block Support
    Samuel Block
    @SamuelBlock

    Matt Bartle (View Comment):

    A newspaper will run the headline “Turmoil in the Middle East.”

    And republicans will be pouncing like crazy.

    • #4
  5. Jon1979 Inactive
    Jon1979
    @Jon1979

    Don’t forget the historic bombshell game-changing event involving Trump that will occur approximately every 10 days to two weeks and will change the outcome of the 2020 election, if not the fate of civilization.

    • #5
  6. Aaron Miller Member
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    1. The Beatles make a comeback tour with Carrie Fisher standing in for Ringo.

    2. Ronald McDonald runs for President, hoping to capitalize on a wave of 1980s nostalgia. After McDonald’s loss to Trump, Scooby Doo pulls off the mask to reveal it was Bernie Sanders all along.

    3. The 2020 Olympics Summer Games opens with a rendition of “We Are the World” by the Google Definitely-Not-Evil Android Choir before joining Siri and Alexa in China’s national anthem.

    4. The bestselling game on both Xbox and Playstation is WWE Wrestlemania in which every match ends with Trump hitting a metrosexual reporter with a chair.

    5. Mount Rushmore is expanded to include Wonder Woman, She-Ra, Confucius, and other great women of history.

    6. A Democrat-controlled Congress declares the Milky Way a gun-free zone. Chuck Norris pistol-whips Nancy Pelosi and returns to his throne on Mars.

    7. Peter Robinson has one last question.

    8. Greta Thunberg is selected to be the next 007. David Niven remains the worst Bond.

    9. Obamacare documentation outsells hickory and charcoal as America’s barbecue kindling of choice.

    10. Peter Robinson has one last question.

    • #6
  7. Annegeles Reagan
    Annegeles
    @Annegeles

     It will be colder than usual in some part of the world at some point in time. The media will call this proof of catastrophic global warming.

    • #7
  8. Phil Turmel Coolidge
    Phil Turmel
    @PhilTurmel

    Huh, I can’t imagine how you came up with these.  Really stretching here. /:

    • #8
  9. Cow Girl Thatcher
    Cow Girl
    @CowGirl

    You’re awesome Victor Tango Kilo!!

    • #9
  10. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    My predictions: Trump gets re-elected in a landslide over Bernie Sanders and Republicans take back the House and control the Senate.  Nancy Pelosi retires.  

    • #10
  11. Samuel Block Support
    Samuel Block
    @SamuelBlock

    • #11
  12. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Above Top Secret
    @CarolJoy

    Optometrists do very well in 2020.

    Those who understand the importance of subliminals understand why.

    • #12
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