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Bah, Humbug! on Lemon Grove Drive
We live on a cul-de-sac with 17 homes and our street is famous in the community. We are the street with incredible Christmas lights (with a touch of Hanukkah decorations). We have also offered cookies and hot chocolate on two consecutive nights in December, letting the community know with signs set up at the end of the street when we will be offering them. But this year the occasion was compromised by ridiculous rumors and the bad behavior of those who came. My neighbors are up in arms by how we were treated by those who visited us.
The difficulties seemed to fall into two categories: rumors and bad behavior. The rumors would have been very funny if they weren’t so outrageous. In truth, we have purchased all the decorations and put them up ourselves, and have found some generous folks who are snowbirds who have let us store them in their garages. What are the rumors? To buy a house on this street will cost a buyer $10,000 for their portion of the cost to have the decorations installed; the developer pays someone to put up the decorations on our street; the developer provides storage for our decorations; everyone on the street must bake cookies, and they have to be chocolate chip cookies (although this one would be okay with me). There are probably other rumors drifting around. I’ve heard some of them in the past, but this year they were especially silly.
What about the bad behavior of visitors? Someone said the dates we chose to give away cookies was inconvenient, and we should do it on a different day; another said we should do it at a different time; some asked why we didn’t offer a certain cookie that we had last year; others asked if we had cookies for the dogs that they brought with them. One person thought the decorations were all so nice, except for the large Jewish star in front of one home. (She didn’t realize she was telling my neighbor who put up the star.)
The people with dogs were especially rude. They brought their dogs right up to the cookie table and often held the dogs in their arms; they asked if they could give our cookies to their dogs; the dogs were stealing cookies out of the hands of the children (who had come with their grandparents); people let their dogs poop on our lawns and didn’t pick up after them; someone dumped their two dogs on Santa’s lap (a neighbor who graciously has offered to play Santa and speak with the children).
Doesn’t it all sound like fun?
I am ambivalent about cookie night. I don’t hand out food or drink and usually only mingle for a short time on one of the nights. When I heard about the dogs (after the fact), I asked my neighbors why they didn’t ask people to get away from the table? Why didn’t they ask people to leave the area? Well, I just have very nice neighbors who don’t want to ruin the Christmas spirit. And yes, most of them didn’t want to pick a fight.
It’s too bad I wasn’t around more.
The chances are good that we will end cookie nights at Christmas time. Some neighbors want to blame the people with dogs, which will certainly backfire on those who live on the street; rumors will spread that we’re elitists and hate dogs. I suggested that we simply stop offering cookies and hot chocolate and we won’t put up the sign we use to promote the event; and for those people who ask why we’ve stopped, we can simply say that after ten years, it was time to draw the event to a close.
I believe that the people who have spread the rumors, complained about our offerings, and brought their dogs so irresponsibly are simply a mirror of our larger society. They have a sense of entitlement. They are jealous of our friendships. They have no gracious response to the spirit of the holiday. And they think their dogs are people.
Some of my neighbors resent stopping our celebration, yet it’s also a lot of work. We have other occasions to come together, share with each other, and enjoy the spirit of the holidays.
We’ll continue to enjoy those other social times, putting up our decorations, having our decoration dinner when we turn on the lights, and celebrating the beauty of our friendships. And everyone is welcome to drive up and down our street, enjoying the beautiful display.
Without cookies and hot chocolate.
[Thanks to EB from Ricochet for the photo!]
Published in Culture
I’d say you and your neighbors – whose neighborhood (which seems really neighborly and nice) it actually is – have a right to be insulted and outraged. It’s like inviting acquaintances to a friendly backyard BBQ and having them ask why it’s not vegan. And where the beer is. And why you’re not making margaritas. So I’d go with not inviting anyone and just enjoy your activities amongst yourselves – but absolutely not give up decorating as you wish nor any cookie exchange, enlivened with cocoa or cider.
We hosted a neighborhood end of summer gig this year – about 20 or so families/neighbors all walking distance to our house. Many families have dogs, who meet on walks around and more or less get along. But there are almost elderly families and those who have toddler children. I was surprised how many people asked if they could bring their dogs. (Pleased that they did ask…) Not so surprised that I couldn’t say Gosh, We really can’t accommodate people, kids, food and dogs around the food and campfire.
Sometimes people just don’t think.
Set up a cookie exchange with the neighbors. That way the right people get cookies.
Can’t help with the rumors. The world is full of knuckleheads. Windy knuckleheads.
It’s just a microcosm of the society we’ve created. “What do you mean you have not ordered your life around to accommodate me?”
Wait until someone decides to investigate the cookies. “Are these actually baked in people’s kitchens? Don’t you realize how problematic that is? These facilities have not been inspected! My Joey is allergic! These people could have peanuts in their houses! Why are these things not labeled?!?”
“And the insensitivity over the baby doggos?! I just can’t.”
Hell, props to all of you that made it through 10 years. I’d be sitting out on the porch all night – cleaning guns.
Do you remember the movie Blast from the Past? It was a goofy film with Christopher Walkin, Sissy Spacek, and Brenden Frasier. The premise, briefly, is that Walkin and Spacek go in to their nuclear fallout shelter one evening for a little hanky panky. It’s during the 50s when fallout shelters and hanky panky were popular. A plane crashes in their backyard, triggering them to think the atomic war has occurred. And they live under there for 30 years or something. Then the son comes out, having experienced only 50s culture, and tries to live in the modern world. Ok I tell you all that to tell you this:
There is a scene where Frasier’s girlfriend is talking to someone about how prim and proper Frasier’s character is, and how weird it is. She says, and I paraphrase: “Did you know that good manners are a way so showing someone you have respect for them? I didn’t know that. I just thought it was how people show how much better they are than everyone else.”
Until I saw that scene, I thought the same thing. That opening doors and taking your hat off at the table were all just relics of some prior culture that the old people perpetuate because they don’t like change. I’m wrong. And I was raised in a very conservative home. But nobody taught me that. The culture doesn’t teach us. It is all about me, me, me.
“You are just putting up those lights and putting out your cookies and hot cocoa to flaunt your middle class wealth!”
See what I’m sayin’?
You got it.
Perhaps Massachusetts has a different liability and insurance situation than Florida, but as a private home owner, I’d never open my yard or my home to the general public and/or serve food of any kind. I’d be comfortable with the decorations and being a walkable neighborhood. That would be fun. But I wouldn’t invite people into my yard, and I’d never serve food to the general public in that setting.
If I lived in a neighborhood that wanted to do this–have a Christmas stroll or open house evening–I’d want to ask the local police and my home insurance agent about the liabilities I’d have. I wouldn’t worry if the Christmas stroll were just for the neighbors and their families. But opening the stroll up to the general public would be an entirely different situation. I’m pretty sure my husband and I would not participate in that type of event.
“Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.” – anonymous police officer quotation
Sounds like a tempest in a hot chocolate Cup to me. Happy New Year everyone!
Signs of the times for sure.
Are you telling me that hanky panky has lost popularity?
That’s what we’ve done in the past and it was great fun. We may do it again!
I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt once that I really want to get.
It said “I used to be a people person. But people ruined it for me”.
Now that’s an idea, @ejhill!
I sure do! It’s so very sad, isn’t it, @spin?
OMG! it’s a wonder we haven’t been sued in the current climate. I’ll tell that to the couple of neighbors reluctant to stop.
Good points, @marcin. The only yard they were coming into was the one with the cocoa and cookies. The rest of the nights people just drove through. Sounds like we’re going to be avoiding a lot of problems by just letting them drive through!
Edit: we’re also a gated community so the whole world couldn’t come in!
When I was extremely young (talking birth to 5 years old), we lived in my grandfather’s house. He had some elaborate lighted decorations, including a huge star he put on the roof. Even though it had five points, some people thought we were Jewish!
I never did figure out if it was a lack of cultural awareness, or the inability to count . . .
I’ve actually heard it has. Or at least there’s less of it. You’d be amazed at how unattractive young people can be today.
Well, you probably wouldn’t be amazed at that. But that it’s cut into hanky panky might managed to.
Yes. Now it’s snogging and knocking boots, whereas back then it was hanky panky.
It’s unfortunate that you have to keep all those considerations in mind. There must have been a time, not so long ago, when to be concerned about all of those possibilities would have made one seem more than a little paranoid.
Today, those sound like reasonable concerns.
You could continue the tradition and no longer advertise it. Put a simple hand-drawn “No pets, please” sign on your lawn.
If someone asks about cookies you don’t have or suggests something, that’s not necessarily rude. It would be rude to complain about what’s offered or say you should have something else.
Remember that some people are more prone to speak their thoughts aloud. It’s good that we are not all constantly trying to guess how our words will be taken by others, though such consideration is also good. We need the mix of personalities.
If your heart is no longer in it, sure, stop participating. But don’t spoil your neighbors’ enthusiasm by arguing that they should stop.
You could also participate behind the scenes. Adorn your home. Bake the cookies. But tell you neighbors you are no longer comfortable interacting with the random public and ask if they would mind including your cookies on their table.
@aaronmiller, you have a good heart. My response is only meant to clarify my points and your suggestions. First in a community like this one, the word will get around, sign or no sign. If we have a simple sign out, people will either ignore it, make excuses for their dog, or say it’s a free country. (Trust me on this.) If a person simply asked about a cookie we had last year, I agree; that’s fine. I did have the impression that the person acted indignant that the same cookie was not available. Sorry—if I say something stupid aloud, I expect to held accountable for it. Then again, the person was not criticized to his or her face; we were polite.
I will participate in every other way, as I always have, but I won’t bake cookies. If nothing else, I’m learning there’s way too much liability with the unforgiving visitors. I do appreciate your offering your thoughts, though.
I was unclear about that when I read your post. If the cookies and cocoa are available only to people within the gated community–not advertised to the general public in any way or offered on a night when the general public is driving through and might mistake the open house with the cookies as available to them as well as residents of the gated community (assuming the gate is closed for the private neighborhood stroll)–and the activity has been cleared by the management of community, then I wouldn’t worry. :-) It sounds like fun and great way to ward off loneliness and isolation in the neighborhood. I love block parties for that reason.
Mrs. iWe and I entertain – quite a lot. But we draw the line quite regularly, between guests and people who treat us like a hotel. “Hotel guests” don’t follow basic protocol in a home: they don’t say “hello” and “goodbye”, and in general they show no basic consideration that one would show a host. They also complain about what they do not like.
As much as we entertain, “hotel guests” are not invited back. If they are family, we find a way to explain it to them.
Oh. I thought you meant the activity, not the term.
I’ve also read, as @samuelblock pointed out, that the activity has lost some popularity amongst the younger generations.
I guess they’ve not heard the expression “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.”
A man after my own heart!
Enjoy
Wow. I must say our street is a bit more modest. . .
My church and a nearby church of a different denomination used to hold a joint “trunk-or-treat” in their parking area to provide a safe place for our children to trick-or-treat at Halloween. It was also a great way to get to know people who lived nearby but who we didn’t spend a lot of time with because we went to different church social activities. It went on for several years and was really fun … until people started bringing their whole extended families and people from miles around who we didn’t know started showing up. I could easily give away 300+ pieces of candy. Some families would show up and hand out candy while other families would only show up to take candy. Even with all that, I would have kept doing it (the cost of the candy was not extravagant and the event was fun), but one year a strange man nobody knew showed up wandered around eyeing all the kids. That was the last year we held it. It was a shame somebody didn’t just kick him out.