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Which Christmas Carol Is Really a Krampus Carol?
We all have at least one Christmas song we truly despise. Some can’t stand “I Saw Momma Kissing Santa Claus” for bringing hints of adultery into the Yuletide Season. Others hate “Last Christmas” because it really makes no sense. (This year the protagonist is giving his or her heart to someone special? Surely this person thought last year’s heart recipient was special as well at the time.) I’ve never understood the hate for “Wonderful Christmastime” but surely anyone who had anything to do with the creation of “The Christmas Shoes” should only receive stocking coal for a lifetime.
The Christmas song I hate the most is one I hate for more personal reasons.
When I was in high school, my drama teacher told me I’d have to take chorus if I wanted a decent role in the school musical. This was not all bad. I found out that the beginning chorus class had 24 girls and only one other guy. So I rather enjoyed the class until Christmas came around.
Our class was to sing “The Little Drummer Boy” in the school’s holiday program. The girls were evenly divided into altos and sopranos. The guys were also evenly divided. Donald was the tenor and I was the bass. (Not to be mean, but I must say this about Donald’s vocalization skill. I could at least carry a tune in a bag. Whereas Donald, well, he had no bag.) Now the altos, sopranos, and Donald were to sing the lyrics of the song, telling the song’s story of a poor boy whose available gift for the newborn king was a percussion solo. (What mother of an infant wouldn’t want this rather than a silent night spent in heavenly peace.) The bass, me, was to be the drum, singing, “Prum, prum, prum, prum, prum, prum,” etc.
We were dressed as carolers and were to enter the cafeteria through the back door and march to the front of that room onto the stage. We had practiced the song for a long time in the choir room, but we had never practiced it while walking. Walking and singing, sadly, proved too much for our choir.
As we came through that back door, everyone was singing together and I was singing my “prums.” But as we walked toward the stage, singer after singer lost track of the notes or words and eventually both of these things. Donald was one of the first to go. We didn’t make it through the second verse. By the time we reached the stage, the only sound to be heard from the choir was my loud, repetitive, “PRUM, PRUM, PRUM, PRUM!”
On the stage, we started the song all over again. But the song was ruined for me to this day. Even the claymation special, one of the few about the real Christmas story, is not on my viewing list. This is not a song I want on my December playlist.
So how about you? Is there a Christmas song you hate? Please explain in elaborate detail why you despise it.
Published in Humor
Thanks all! To paraphrase Sally Field, “You liked me! You really liked me!”
So many good (bad) songs have been mentioned already. I can’t say I hate “Drummer Boy,” but I don’t like it either. “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” is awful, whether it’s Springsteen or little Michael Jackson. If I hear “Rudolph” or “Frosty” once a season, it is sufficient.
I hate “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley, but the Porky Pig version is awesome. I try to avoid “Winter Wonderland” because, once I hear it, I’ll be singing it in my head for days. It’s not a bad song, per se, but it doesn’t stand up to that much head-play.
And then there is the Bob Rivers’ version, “Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear.”
We just heard a magnificent arrangement of Twelve Days with the Colorado Springs Philharmonic and the Colorado Springs Chorale. Here’s Portland’s version:
I despise “Wonderful Christmastime” to the point that my daughter likes to spring it on me 3-4 times each December when I least expect it. I spend my Christmastime like a wary Inspector Clouseau returning home to my dangerous house boy, Cato.
Hate anything by Maria Carey. The person who retouches or fakes her album covers is a true pro, however.
Just came across this (Watts Nativity Carol) for the first time ever, and it’s beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5iX2hB2Vyc
Have to agree whole-heartedly. A friend, circa 1972, said, “What’s it going to be like when we’re old? Is Rod Stewart going to put on cardigan sweater and sing ‘The Christmas Song’ on his TV Christmas special.” If only. (The reference is to Perry Como for the young or the older, but drug-addled.)
Oddly I’m fond of Blues Christmas. Lowell Fulson or most especially Eddie C. Campbell. R&B Christmas is nice. And, Jazz Christmas, some years Christmas can’t begin without Three Suites on the turntable.
Personal deep and abiding hatred for “All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth,” mostly from being robbed of all dignity by it with a group of 8-year-old fellow sufferers. Although the Spike Jones version has much to recommend it.
Vince Guaraldi’s Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack!
“Do they know it’s Christmas.”
LC “Do they know it’s Christmas.” “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime” It snows many places in Africa. Have none of these people read Hemingway? And I’ve lived most of my life in California without snow. Was Band Aid raising money for the poor snowless people of Beverly Hills, LA?
Not a big fan of Santa Baby. I know it’s meant to be funny, but really?
I’ve actually discovered recently that there are covers of Last Christmas I find tolerable, but the original Wham version is intensely grating to me. The overcooked delivery of “give it to someone special” drives me nuts.
Feliz Navidad is pretty obnoxious too.
There are many seasonal songs that I merely dislike, but I can truly say that I hate “Wonderful Christmas Time.” I hate the lyrics. I hate the music. I hate Paul McCartney when I hear it. Irredeemable indeed.
The famous movie composer John Barry went to his formula box and came up with this:
Even if he didn’t like working on the movie, he could have done better.
Besides the humorous lyrics, it’s a musically beautiful recording.
Most of his are. I absolutely love his version of “O Little Town of Bethlehem.”
That’s pretty much every song by Bruce Springsteen.
As for the OP: “Blue Christmas.” Especially the Elvis version. I’m not a big Elvis fan to begin with, but this one is particularly grating.
Then again, I’m not particularly fond of Christmas music overall, unless you count Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Yes, during the three minutes or so in which this song is playing, I enter a trance-like state in which I even hate The Beatles for contributing to the follow-on solo career that foisted this atrocity upon us.
If you haven’t done so, I recommend listening to Ricochet’s own @jameslileks Christmas time “Diner” podcasts. You will hear some horrible but oddly entertaining Christmas music (you can’t go wrong listening to ALL of them – great, great fun).
My husband hates the Beach Boys’ song, “I Want to Meet Santa Claus.” Truly terrible. He also hated “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” as a kid and my now 18 year old daughter also thought the song was about a mom cheating on her husband with Santa.
And finally, my husband has managed to taint what should be a beautiful song with this awful rendition: O Holy Night. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Could be worse. She might decide to do “Wonderful Christmastime” in July.
The other 11 months of the year she tortures me with her own music.
This is my favorite comment of the week.
I also hate that song because it is a very annoying song. I also hate the creepy tv show based on it. I don’t know why anyone thought that creepy skinny armed ugly kid was cute enough to put on a TV set.
Not to mention the entire southern hemisphere, where it may snow in July, but not at Christmastime.
“Don’t they know it’s Christmas” is rather too saccharine for me.
Saccharine? There are many words I’d use to describe the lyric “Thank God tonight it’s them instead of you,” but saccharine is not one of them.