The Maven

 

Seated in the hearing room, amid a sense of impending doom,
Scanning curious notes from staff whose names I’d never seen before,
Colleagues nodded, nearly napping, I drew my gavel, started tapping
To startle them, I started rapping, rapping to command the floor.
“Back in order,” I muttered, rapping to demand the floor,
“Order please,” and nothing more.

Next to me, the opposition, a man of surly disposition
Waited for his chance to address the crowd and take the floor.
Smugly smiling I glanced toward him, turned my head and then ignored him,
Addressed the Maven seated, impossible to ignore,
“What say you Maven? Tell us what you said before.”
“I presumed,” and nothing more.

“Surely there were preconditions, more than just your suppositions,”
(We were closing in now; I could feel it in my very core.)
“Was there a call from your employer, a note perhaps, his private lawyer?
Surely there is something they must answer for?”
From the Maven of the diplomatic corps,
“I just assumed,” and nothing more.

“Please sir, do not try my patience. There is no room here for complacence.
“I’ll remind you here that you testified to us before.”
The Maven sat there, blinked and twitched; he seemed to me perhaps bewitched,
(A fact that I would like to underscore.)
“Do you mean to contradict the things you’ve said before?”
Quoth the Maven: “What I said before?”

“But the call…” I had him now; the call he could not disavow.
A call directly to the usurping, despicable man we all abhor,
The Maven stopped and took a drink, cradled his face, as if to think.
“I made the call. I felt a direct answer was called for.”
“What the #@*& do you want from Ukraine?” I swore.
“Trump said ‘Nothing’ twice and nothing more.”

And though the days of hearings ended, impeachment will still be recommended.
Our constituents demand this pound of flesh despite the gore.
And though it may be unrealistic, I find I must be optimistic
About the prospects of our retaining the House floor.
We must retain our majority as before.
As for the Maven, let’s ignore.

Published in General
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There are 14 comments.

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  1. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Excellent.

    • #1
  2. Fritz Coolidge
    Fritz
    @Fritz

    Brilliant.

    • #2
  3. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Main Feed. 

    • #3
  4. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Five stars!

    (How much booze did it take?)

    • #4
  5. Sweezle Inactive
    Sweezle
    @Sweezle

    Outstanding.

    • #5
  6. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Well done, well done, well done.

    I regret that bad news I must bear; there may be a typo there.

    Just one letter, nothing more:

    Doug Kimball:

    “Please sir, do not try my patience, there is no room her[e] for complacence,

    • #6
  7. ltpwfdcm allegedly Coolidge
    ltpwfdcm allegedly
    @ltpwfdcm

    • #7
  8. Gossamer Cat Coolidge
    Gossamer Cat
    @GossamerCat

    Bravo!

    • #8
  9. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Can I have a copy of the original so I don’t have to scrape it from the page? That messes with the formatting. 

    60/40 this causes an Instalanche.

    • #9
  10. GLDIII Temporarily Essential Reagan
    GLDIII Temporarily Essential
    @GLDIII

    Edgar would be pleased.

    I just recited it out loud for my bride……. she said Bravo.

    • #10
  11. Yehoshua Ben-Eliyahu Inactive
    Yehoshua Ben-Eliyahu
    @YehoshuaBenEliyahu

    E. A. Poe would be the appropriate literary figure for documentation of the Impeachment hearings, in which evil is on full display, and the prosecutor is as sinister a personality as you could find in any horror story.  What is most painful to me is that Schiff, who must have been njb (a nice Jewish boy) at one time but, like Nadler and Schumer, got lost along the way, scorns a president who has been more pro-Israel than any other.  Fittingly, Schiff did not marry a Jewish girl and Trump’s grandchildren attend a Talmud Torah school, so Trump’s descendants, not Schiff’s, will carry on the faith.

    • #11
  12. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Not that I want to distract from this excellent work, so maybe wait till after Thanksgiving.

    But here’s Studio C’s reworking of “The Raven.”

    • #12
  13. Titus Techera Contributor
    Titus Techera
    @TitusTechera

    Huzzah!

    • #13
  14. Boney Cole Member
    Boney Cole
    @BoneyCole

    Said half the nation, “Nevermore!”

    • #14
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