Pollsters want to know: is America ready for a gay president? Personally, I’m not even ready for the New Deal, so what do I know? I do know that one can no longer marvel in polite company that a dude is married to another dude. Like you, I’ve been informed that Buttigieg’s marriage doesn’t impact my marriage so long as I submit to baking the cake, as it were.
Then again, what is left to marvel at in this primary, other than the fact that Bernie Sanders is not, apparently, donning a sandwich board and channeling Lyndon Larouche? Take the issue of gender. (Please!) The candidates in this race were literally beyond parody even before Warren felt compelled to say that “trans,” “nonconforming,” and “non-binary” women of color are the “backbone” of American democracy. Such posturing is actually funny in Biden owing to his “yeah, whatever” cynicism regarding all things woke. The former Vice President will one moment be praising women for being the only ones who know the pain of childbirth and the next minute acknowledging that yes, men can get pregnant, too.
Meanwhile, in the eleventh ring of the ten-ring circus that is the Democratic primary, the party’s establishment has recruited something called Deval Patrick. Get excited, America! Granted, Patrick doesn’t have the energized and broad-based support of, say, Lincoln Chaffee, but still. Clearly the party elders are concerned that Biden can’t close the deal against Trump and that the party needs a centrist candidate who can also win over African Americans. The establishment’s aim is clearly akin to that of Conservative, Inc.’s desire in 2016 for a Latinx savior to win over Hispanics while putting a nice sheen on amnesty (Marco Rubio). In that sense, the Democratic establishment’s reading of the American pulse is no better than that of their counterparts in the GOP in their 2016 primary.
The hope is that Patrick’s status as a centrist former governor of Massachusetts with ties to Bain Capital will work better for him than it did for Mitt Romney. (Now that I think of it, maybe what America thirsts for is a Romney-Patrick ticket. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to pick up an endorsement from Evan McMullin.) Is there reason to believe, though, that Patrick will stay a centrist instead of being dazzled by the bauble of Sanders’ socialism à la Booker, Harris, and the now-deposed (heh) Beto? Or will he begin claiming that he was fired from Bain for being visibly pregnant?
Then, of course, there’s the aspiring Nanny-in-Chief Michael Bloomberg, who’s convinced that what the field lacks is another white septuagenarian frontrunner. Americans are sick of Trump, so the thinking goes, and want to replace him with a different Manhattan billionaire who’s changed his party affiliation a dozen times. The media mogul has already apologized for the stop-and-frisk policy he instituted as mayor of New York and will no doubt soon attribute his history of demeaning comments about women on climate change.
Meanwhile, the party’s Impeachment Lite™ train continues to roll on. Among the more entertaining aspects of this otherwise nonentity is how we are to pretend that Chair of the Intelligence Committee Adam Schiff is the only person in America who doesn’t know the identity of the so-called whistleblower.
If you haven’t been watching – and let’s face it, who has? – let me bring you up to speed: as with collusion and obstruction, quid pro quo is out. What’s in? Bribery. That’s right, bribery is the narrative of the day, at least until the Democrats’ focus group settles on the only thing Americans of both political parties really believe: that Epstein didn’t kill himself.Published in