Bonfire of the Vanity Fair: Beto Drops Out

 

Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke began his presidential run with a Vanity Fair cover photo by Annie Leibovitz. It proved to be the high-water mark of his campaign.

Since then, Beto’s run has been a comedy of errors. A Kerouac-style vision quest driving aimlessly around the country that he journaled on his web diary. Instagramming a gross dental appointment. Leaping on tables, windmilling his arms, and shouting about the promise of hope to help change what is possible for the future of hopeful promises.

Gassing on about vagaries made him a media darling when he was up against Texas Sen. Ted Cruz. But on the big stage he seemed, and still seems, shocked that the parade marched on without him. From weak debates to stump flubs to utter policy cluelessness, some white male billionaires just can’t catch a break.

When Beto got desperate, he started speaking the quiet part out loud. “Hell yes, we’re going to take your AR-15!” he shouted from the debate stage, hawking a T-shirt with the quote minutes later. Red-state Democrats rushed to the cameras insisting they disagreed with the former congressman.

He promised to tax churches that disagree with his LGBTQ weathervane at any given moment. “There can be no reward, no benefit, no tax break for anyone or any institution, any organization in America, that denies the full human rights and the full civil rights of every single one of us,” Beto said.

That would cancel the First and Second amendments; next, he might suggest quartering troops in our homes. Alas, with his departure, Beto’s forced march through the Bill of Rights has ended in defeat.

Hopefully, his supporters can console themselves with one of the other 162 candidates running for the Democrat nomination.

There are 27 comments.

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  1. WI Con Member
    WI Con
    @WICon

    ‘For a brief moment, I felt a disturbance in the farce’

    • #1
  2. drlorentz Member
    drlorentz
    @drlorentz

    I am truly saddened by this. What better representative of Clown World than Robert Francis O’R! And now he’s gone. Where can the nation turn its lonely eyes?

    • #2
  3. She Reagan
    She
    @She

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: A Kerouac-style vision quest driving aimlessly around the country that he journaled on his web diary. Instagramming a gross dental appointment. Leaping on tables, windmilling his arms, and shouting about the promise of hope to help change what is possible for the future of hopeful promises.

    A marvelous precis.  Honestly, what a twerp.  I’ve rarely seen a more artificial, awkward and inelegant, or a less prepossessing, authentic, and appealing, candidate.  Good riddance. It’s probably too much to expect, things being what they are, that he’ll be gone for long.

    • #3
  4. Zed11 Member
    Zed11
    @Zed11

    CNN or MSNBC? What’s Vegas saying?

    • #4
  5. Charles Mark Member
    Charles Mark
    @CharlesMark

    Schadenfreude

    • #5
  6. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator
    @Instugator

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Instagramming a gross dental appointment.

    Thank God he quit before the colonoscopy.

    • #6
  7. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Instugator (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Instagramming a gross dental appointment.

    Thank God he quit before the colonoscopy.

    He did the flu shot so that was probably on the schedule. He’s around 50 so probably would be getting one soon. 

    • #7
  8. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… Thatcher
    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo…
    @GumbyMark

    Too bad he’s out of the race.  He’d say the stuff the other candidates were thinking but were too smart to say out loud.

    • #8
  9. Jason Obermeyer Member
    Jason Obermeyer
    @JasonObermeyer

    He’s drunk driving with the Angels now. 

    • #9
  10. Jason Obermeyer Member
    Jason Obermeyer
    @JasonObermeyer

    I guess the Democrats don’t want to win Texas after all. 

    • #10
  11. Old Bathos Moderator
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    I was prepared for this moment and preserved my emotions in verse.

     

    • #11
  12. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    drlorentz (View Comment):

    I am truly saddened by this. What better representative of Clown World than Robert Francis O’R! And now he’s gone. Where can the nation turn its lonely eyes?

    “woo” x3 

    • #12
  13. Metalheaddoc Member
    Metalheaddoc
    @Metalheaddoc

    This guy is the dipsh!t that always thinks he is the coolest guy in the room. He’s the Mike Damone (re: Fast Times at Ridgemont High) of politics. 

    • #13
  14. Chris Member
    Chris
    @Chris

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.:

    That would cancel the First and Second amendments; next, he might suggest quartering troops in our homes. Alas, with his departure, Beto’s forced march through the Bill of Rights has ended in defeat.

    Well said. 

    Unfortunately, I’m reminded of the that moving moment at the end of the film Glory when Matthew Broderick asks before the final battle “if this man should fall, who will lift the flag and carry on?”.    Might not happen this cycle, but I fear it won’t be long until someone will.

     

    • #14
  15. Kozak Member
    Kozak
    @Kozak

    Is he still coming for my guns?

    • #15
  16. Retail Lawyer Member
    Retail Lawyer
    @RetailLawyer

    He certainly was an inspiration, and not just for children.  I saw a “Beto for Senate” yard sign in San Carlos, CA, and a suburban woman wearing a sweatshirt with the same message at a “Farmer’s market”, also in San Carlos.  These Beto supporters were limited to voting for Kamala, who was just not stupid enough to satisfy.

    • #16
  17. OccupantCDN Coolidge
    OccupantCDN
    @OccupantCDN

    Retail Lawyer (View Comment):

    He certainly was an inspiration, and not just for children. I saw a “Beto for Senate” yard sign in San Carlos, CA, and a suburban woman wearing a sweatshirt with the same message at a “Farmer’s market”, also in San Carlos. These Beto supporters were limited to voting for Kamala, who was just not stupid enough to satisfy.

    I dont know she’s pretty exceptional in the department as well. For example she managed to graduate law school, pass the bar exam – without any functional knowledge of the legal system. That seems pretty impressive.

    • #17
  18. namlliT noD Member
    namlliT noD
    @DonTillman

    • #18
  19. namlliT noD Member
    namlliT noD
    @DonTillman

    • #19
  20. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    namlliT noD (View Comment):

    Where’s the ‘This is the word of the lord’ chant? 

    • #20
  21. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    I love this cartoon so very much that I cannot help sharing it. Image result for ben shapiro beto gun freedom toons

     

     

    • #21
  22. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Above Top Secret
    @CarolJoy

    A truly Kerouac-style vision quest would have been a lot more fun. And Kerouac would have been among the last people on earth to want Free Speech censored.

    • #22
  23. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Beto was always second-rate. Outlawing AR-15s and AK-47s? Child’s play. Elizabeth Warren is going to outlaw mathematics!

    Go big or go home.

    • #23
  24. Wylee Coyote Member
    Wylee Coyote
    @WyleeCoyote

    It’s always sad when the media turn on someone they’d given such fawning coverage.

    No, wait, not sad, the other thing – hilarious. 

    • #24
  25. Cosmik Phred Member
    Cosmik Phred
    @CosmikPhred

    Never go full retard.

    • #25
  26. MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam… Coolidge
    MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam…
    @ChrisCampion

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I was prepared for this moment and preserved my emotions in verse.

     

    Epic:  Beto was our Hubble soulscope

    • #26
  27. MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam… Coolidge
    MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam…
    @ChrisCampion

    namlliT noD (View Comment):

    I realize they all do this, all candidates, but how pathetic is this stuff?  That’s someone’s job.  Write this up.  Plan it.  Identify “Yell Leaders”.

    Elections should have much fewer consequences for citizens.  If that were the case, we’d all enjoy more freedom, and less of things like Beto.

    • #27

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