Unqualified Support


. . . my campaign and giving you my unqualified support. I’m looking forward to being an important part of your campaign and administration.

That’s great, young fella. You seem like a bright young fella; I’ll be sure to put in a word with my hiring director, uhh, Bill. You’ll find the application at Joe30330.com, that’s Joe33030.com.

Uh, sir, I was actually thinking about a cabinet post or . . .

Ahh, right, of course. Well, that Castro kid said he had other commitments, so I’ve got HUD open. HUD. What do you think?

Sir, even though I’ve been a mayor of a major American city, I also have Military intelligence experience and more to offer in other areas. I was thinking of something with a little more meat.
Military, eh? I’m afraid I’ve already sorta promised that Gabbard kid the War Department. How about Justice? Justice? That Harris kid is sniffing around there, but after some of the mean things she said in one of the debates . . .
Sir, I’m afraid I don’t have a legal degree or any experience in that area. I will point out that I speak several languages and can represent both you and the country overseas.
State is out. I’m going with experience and we have two ex-secretaries available. How about Interior? Interior? Do you know anything about dirt?
Uh, no. Sir, let me be frank. I think I can be a major asset if my name was alongside yours on the ticket.
Oh, I get your meaning! If need tickets, son, I’ve got some connections with Amtrak.
No, sir, I’m talking about the Vice President position.
Oh, you wouldn’t want that. I’ve heard that it’s just a warm bucket of spit.
You’ve heard?
Yea, some of the stories from Al and Walter would curl your toes. Al told me that Bill once sent him for coffee! Coffee! “Go get us some coffee, and don’t come back for an hour.” Can you believe that?
Um, yes, but I’m sure you wouldn’t treat your Vice President like that.
Wow, that’s a good point! You’re a smart young fella!! Unfortunately, we’ve got Illinois pretty locked up; I don’t think we need the mayor of East St. Louis.
South Bend, Sir.
Right, Bend. Bend. Well, I don’t think we’ll have any problems with Oregon, either.
No, ah, well, sir, I think I have other things to offer. I’m very popular with younger voters, and my youth and energy will complement your . . . experience and, uh, wisdom. I’ll also bring the LGBTQ community out in force.
That’s nice, but how many voters are down there?
Down there?
Now, El Geebetique is a fine community, I stayed down there in the ’70s, lovely beaches. But the last time I checked, Mexico is not a state. Hey, Bob! Is Mexico a state yet? What’s that? New Mexico? Right! New Mexico! Well, son, we’ve got all the ‘New’ states in our corral already, so that’s not going to do much for us. Except New Braska, of course, and I don’t even think the mayor of North Platte is going to help us with those hicks.
No, South, ah, I mean L-G-B-T-Q, Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Questioning.
Oh, I see. Let me tell you a secret, I haven’t announced it yet. On the first day of my administration, I’m going to bring a bill up in the Senate making Civil Unions the law of the land. These folks have been left out of the American dream for far too long. Far too long!
Sir, uh . . .That’s really . . . great . . . uh . . .I think . . . I can be a tremendous asset to you with that.
Hmmm, yes you can, yes you can. And, come to think of it, the Mayor of East Lansing might help us take back Michigan.
No, Sir, it’s, uh, South. . .
Right, right, of course. You know, son, I’ve been working so hard to give government back to the regular folks like us — regular folks like us! — that I’ve missed some of the details. Of course, I’d be proud to have the Governor of South Dakota on my team.
Thank you, sir! This will be historic. I’m looking forward to working with you.
Me too. I’ll have Bill get ahold of you. Now, be sure to go to Joe3030.org and fill out that application.
Bright young fella! Hey, Bob, do you remember what I promised that O’Rourke kid?
Just make it to the inauguration. Just make it to the inauguration.

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  1. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn

    You’re making my hair curl, Joe. And it’s already curly . . .

    • #1
  2. Rodin Member

    • #2

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