Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. E-Mails from Kamala

 

As I’ve shared with y’all before here, the Democrats seem to think that I’m one of them, I still reside in New Mexico, and my name is Shawn. Not Kamala Harris, though! This highly astute presidential candidate knows my name and knows I live in Texas.

It started on December 11 of last year. Kamala emailed me the shocking news (“This is shocking news. . .”) about possible voting irregularities in a North Carolina US House race. She then asked me to donate to the Democrat candidate. I was about to reply that there had been similar irregularities in several House races in a state where a certain US Senator used to be Attorney General, but I held off. I saved the message to a folder called “KH.” Over the next month, I got about an email a week from Kamala telling me all about the exciting things she was doing in the Senate.

Then on January 21, Kamala announced that she was running for president. What a surprise! I received messages both from her and someone named Juan Rodriguez telling me how much they were looking forward to running my life. Of course, they needed my help. Almost every subsequent email ended like a Spın̈al Tap song:

You know what I want,
You know what I need,
Or maybe you don’t.
Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?
Gimme some money!

That started a stream of emails: Kamala’s running for president! (Gimme some money!) The campaign raised $1.5 million! (Gimme some money!) Did you see Trump’s tweet? (Gimme some money!) Host a debate watch party! (Gimme some money!) Kamala did great at the debate! (Gimme some money!) Our fundraising numbers are down for this month! (Gimme some money!) Other candidates have more money than we do!! (Gimme some money!)

Wait, what was that? You’re admitting you’re doing poorly and want me to prop you up? I’m not going to send money to Kamala in any case, but I don’t think that strategy will entice the average Democrat voter to fork over cash.

The stream has since become a firehose. I now get as many as five emails a day. (Gimme some money!) Not only from Kamala and Juan, but from Jenn Liu (Gimme some money!), Lily Adams (Gimme some money!), Kamala’s sister (Hi, it’s Maya! Gimme some money!), and Kamala’s Ken-doll Doug (Gimme some money!) Oddly enough, Doug’s full name is never mentioned. I’m sure the fact his last name is not Harris has nothing to do with it.

Kamala also enjoys jumping in front of the latest parade. Sign the Green New Deal petition! (Gimme some money!) I’ll issue an executive order banning assault weapons! (Gimme some money!) A story in the New York Times proves Brett Kavanaugh lied and needs to be impeached! (Gimme some money!)

In September, I actually got a message not asking for money. Click here for a free sticker! So I did. Still no come on. I entered my nom de plume and address, clicked the button and Gimme some money! Yea, right, free. I just closed the window.

Then, last week, I got this in the mail:

Wow, free actually meant free. Oh, let me give you some perspective on the size of this:

I think we know why Kamala’s campaign is circling the drain. Her supporters are being taken out, rear-ended by people trying to read the bumper sticker. That, and the fact that Kamala is an awful candidate.

Interestingly, since I ordered my “free” sticker, I’ve made all sorts of new email friends. The Democratic Governor’s Association. (Gimme some money!) The Democratic Action Committee. (Gimme some money!) John Bel Edwards. (Gimme some money!) MJ Hegar. (Gimme some money!) And, I’m honored to say, former vice president Joe Biden. (Gimme some money!) Look, here’s a message from him just a couple of days ago:

What’s that, Joe, you want me to contribute 1/200,000th of your private airplane bill? I think I’ll pass.

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There are 16 comments.

  1. Arahant Member

    JosePluma: Oddly enough, Doug’s full name is never mentioned. I’m sure the fact his last name is not Harris has nothing to do with it.

    Emhoff.

    • #1
    • October 20, 2019, at 11:10 PM PST
    • 1 like
  2. Arahant Member

    And I thought the Republicans were bad.

    • #2
    • October 20, 2019, at 11:12 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  3. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma Post author

    Arahant (View Comment):

    And I thought the Republicans were bad.

    I’m not saying they’re not.

    • #3
    • October 20, 2019, at 11:14 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  4. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma Post author

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: Oddly enough, Doug’s full name is never mentioned. I’m sure the fact his last name is not Harris has nothing to do with it.

    Emhoff.

    Gesundheit.

    • #4
    • October 20, 2019, at 11:15 PM PST
    • 11 likes
  5. Arahant Member

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    And I thought the Republicans were bad.

    I’m not saying they’re not.

    In comparison, it sounds like the Dems are much worse. More like this one company I bought shirts from once. I get at least an e-mail per day from them.

    • #5
    • October 20, 2019, at 11:17 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  6. Bill Nelson Member

    JosePluma: Hi, it’s Maya!

    Last time I got an email that started like this, it cost me $200.

     

    • #6
    • October 21, 2019, at 10:24 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  7. Bishop Wash Member

    JosePluma: I think we know why Kamala’s campaign is circling the drain. Her supporters are being taken out, rear-ended by people trying to read the bumper sticker. That, and the fact that Kamala is an awful candidate.

    So that’s why we haven’t had a Kamala sticker sighting in the group, the stickers might be out but aren’t noticed. “Top-tier” candidate Harris is quickly moving into fringe territory. Her campaign sent a tweet wishing the “future president” a happy birthday. There were plenty of people to remind her how well that went for the last candidate who sent a similar birthday greeting.

    • #7
    • October 21, 2019, at 2:27 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  8. mikegre Lincoln

    The failed candidates get to keep the money. I imagine that’s why a bunch of them are running.

    Raised past 6 months… Apr 1, 2019 to Sep 30, 2019 (in millions)

    Sanders 43

    Warren 43

    Buttigieg 44

    Harris 23

    Yang 13

    Booker 10

    Klobuchar 9

    O’Rourke 8

     

    • #8
    • October 21, 2019, at 3:10 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  9. MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chri… Coolidge

    mikegre (View Comment):

    The failed candidates get to keep the money. I imagine that’s why a bunch of them are running.

    Raised past 6 months… Apr 1, 2019 to Sep 30, 2019 (in millions)

    Sanders 43

    Warren 43

    Buttigieg 44

    Harris 23

    Yang 13

    Booker 10

    Klobuchar 9

    O’Rourke 8

     

    That is why they run. And that is why they keep running until it becomes screamingly obvious they’re not contenders for the slot, or a job in the future administration of the then-leading candidate.

    If you can run for a public office, raise funds, and pay your spouse an enormous salary out of those funds for “consulting”, you are literally paying yourself to run for a public office.

    Or, you create “institutions” and pay your step-children $100K/year to run them, even if they’re chowderheads.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/sen-bernie-sanderss-family-to-shut-down-its-institute-amid-criticism/2019/03/15/53d2bb16-472b-11e9-8aab-95b8d80a1e4f_story.html

    Or, while you’re in office, you can use your position to help secure loans for failing enterprises your spouse is head of, and became head of only because of you, and is now financially wrecked because of you and your wife, who you gave free money to, essentially, because you’re a Senator, and banks like Senators.

    https://freebeacon.com/politics/sanders-and-wife-steered-campaign-nonprofit-money-to-family-and-friends/

     

     

     

     

     

    • #9
    • October 21, 2019, at 4:29 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  10. Joseph Stanko Member

    JosePluma:

    Then, last week, I got this in the mail:

     

    It looks like it should be the logo for a regional transit district in Los Angeles.

    • #10
    • October 21, 2019, at 9:45 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  11. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma Post author

    Bill Nelson (View Comment):

    JosePluma: Hi, it’s Maya!

    Last time I got an email that started like this, it cost me $200.

     

    Do tell.

    • #11
    • October 21, 2019, at 11:03 PM PST
    • Like
  12. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge

    MACHO GRANDE' (aka – Chri… (View Comment):

    mikegre (View Comment):

    The failed candidates get to keep the money. I imagine that’s why a bunch of them are running.

    Raised past 6 months… Apr 1, 2019 to Sep 30, 2019 (in millions)

    Sanders 43

    Warren 43

    Buttigieg 44

    Harris 23

    Yang 13

    Booker 10

    Klobuchar 9

    O’Rourke 8

     

    That is why they run. And that is why they keep running until it becomes screamingly obvious they’re not contenders for the slot, or a job in the future administration of the then-leading candidate.

    If you can run for a public office, raise funds, and pay your spouse an enormous salary out of those funds for “consulting”, you are literally paying yourself to run for a public office.

    Or, you create “institutions” and pay your step-children $100K/year to run them, even if they’re chowderheads.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/sen-bernie-sanderss-family-to-shut-down-its-institute-amid-criticism/2019/03/15/53d2bb16-472b-11e9-8aab-95b8d80a1e4f_story.html

    Or, while you’re in office, you can use your position to help secure loans for failing enterprises your spouse is head of, and became head of only because of you, and is now financially wrecked because of you and your wife, who you gave free money to, essentially, because you’re a Senator, and banks like Senators.

    https://freebeacon.com/politics/sanders-and-wife-steered-campaign-nonprofit-money-to-family-and-friends/

     

     

     

     

     

    In addition to the life enhancing ways that gobs and gobs of campaign contributions will improve your life, you cannot be indicted for most crimes that are civil matters if you are running for office. And if the Dems won’t have you, and the Republicans won’t either, there are loads of other political parties in existence.

    • #12
    • October 24, 2019, at 7:06 PM PST
    • 1 like
  13. Arahant Member

    CarolJoy, Above Top Secret (View Comment):
    And if the Dems won’t have you, and the Republicans won’t either, there are loads of other political parties in existence.

    There are currently 904 candidates for President who have filed. A few have since dropped out.

    • #13
    • October 24, 2019, at 11:34 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  14. Joseph Stanko Member

    Arahant (View Comment):
    There are currently 904 candidates for President who have filed. A few have since dropped out.

    I am outraged that none of these eminent candidates have qualified for the debates:

    • Augustus Sol Invictus
    • Bepis Cola
    • Chocolate Pancakes
    • Cocaine
    • Dum Ugly
    • Hugh Lord Mungus
    • Internet Beef
    • Jo 753
    • Leomard Sportsinterviews
    • Refino Pig
    • Seven the Dog
    • Vermin Supreme
    • Voice Over Pete
    • #14
    • October 25, 2019, at 12:07 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  15. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge

    Interesting to note that one Donald Trump filed to run for President on Jan 20 2017.

    • #15
    • October 25, 2019, at 12:54 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  16. Arahant Member

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):
    There are currently 904 candidates for President who have filed. A few have since dropped out.

    I am outraged that none of these eminent candidates have qualified for the debates:

    • Augustus Sol Invictus
    • Bepis Cola
    • Chocolate Pancakes
    • Cocaine
    • Dum Ugly
    • Hugh Lord Mungus
    • Internet Beef
    • Jo 753
    • Leomard Sportsinterviews
    • Refino Pig
    • Seven the Dog
    • Vermin Supreme
    • Voice Over Pete

    Yep. It’s the press trying to keep the best candidates down.

    • #16
    • October 25, 2019, at 1:00 AM PST
    • 2 likes