Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. The Johnnie Cochran School of Impeachment

 

My friends, while conducting a séance at the witching hour, a spirit from beyond the grave contacted me, and here is what he had to say about President Donald Trump:

If he’s on the beach, you must impeach.

If he’s within reach, you must impeach.

If he’s able to teach, you must impeach.

If he tries to preach, you must impeach.

If he hangs with Cheech, you must impeach.

What’s your best Johnnie Cochran impeachment line?

Published in Humor
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There are 49 comments.

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  1. Judge Mental Member

    No need to prove, just simply remove.

    • #1
    • October 16, 2019, at 11:40 PM PST
    • 27 likes
  2. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    No need to prove, just simply remove.

    That is a very good one, sir. My hat’s off to you.

    • #2
    • October 16, 2019, at 11:41 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  3. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Twitter to interdict, you must convict. 

    • #3
    • October 16, 2019, at 11:44 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  4. Bishop Wash Member

    All day on the Twitter, we will make him a quitter. 

    • #4
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:21 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  5. Vance Richards Member

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    No need to prove, just simply remove.

    True, but they are not willing to admit that, and I don’t think they are as clever as Cochran.

    If (Putin, Comey, Stormy, Insanity, Mueller, Obstruction, . . . Ukraine?, charges to be named at a later date), you must impeach.

    • #5
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:44 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  6. Ralphie Member

    Instead of screeching, try impeaching.

     

    • #6
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:53 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  7. Bishop Wash Member

    If he’s a lout, kick him out. 

    For Jonah, if he is loathsome, off to Folsom. 

    • #7
    • October 17, 2019, at 6:24 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  8. ltpwfdcm allegedly Coolidge

    If his hair looks like a toupee, send him packing on his way…

    • #8
    • October 17, 2019, at 7:08 AM PST
    • 9 likes
  9. Bishop Wash Member

    If the skin is orange, send him to Blorenge

    • #9
    • October 17, 2019, at 7:32 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  10. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    If he annoys Adam Schiff, we must drop him off a cliff.

    • #10
    • October 17, 2019, at 7:47 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  11. Judge Mental Member

    But remember:

    If you think it’s bull[CoC], you must acquit.

    • #11
    • October 17, 2019, at 8:17 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  12. Eustace C. Scrubb Member

    Very good, but “leach” should have been in there somehow.

    “If he’s been with a porn star, you must immediately disbar!”

    “If his wife’s a babe, listen to McCabe!”

    “If he’s a jerk, impeachers go berserk!”

     

     

    • #12
    • October 17, 2019, at 8:18 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  13. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):
    Very good, but “leach” should have been in there somehow.

    Or maybe “leech” would be better.

    If he hurts the leeches, the House impeaches.

    If he makes us screech, we must impeach.

    If his coffee’s been leached, he must be impeached.

    Not coming up with too much.

    • #13
    • October 17, 2019, at 8:29 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  14. TBA Coolidge
    TBA

    If you think that the fact that he won sucked you must convene the House and charge him with misconduct. 

    • #14
    • October 17, 2019, at 8:51 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  15. Boss Mongo Member

    Arahant: What’s your best Johnnie Cochran impeachment line?

    Johnnie Cochran is too cerebral for the Dems.

    You must impeach him if you can. You must impeach him Sam-I-Am.

    • #15
    • October 17, 2019, at 9:59 AM PST
    • 20 likes
  16. Barfly Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    If he annoys Adam Schiff, we must drop him off a cliff.

    Yes! Oh, wait, you meant drop the other guy …

    • #16
    • October 17, 2019, at 10:23 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  17. Barfly Member

    Cochran is lame. I’m going with Stacy Keach from Nice Dreams.

    “If he didn’t hire a golden shower, then we’ll just fake abuse of power!”

    “If we really want to make him suffer, jail his friends and gag the others!”

    • #17
    • October 17, 2019, at 10:30 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  18. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    Arahant: What’s your best Johnnie Cochran impeachment line?

    Johnnie Cochran is too cerebral for the Dems.

    You must impeach him if you can. You must impeach him Sam-I-Am.

    You’re probably correct.

    • #18
    • October 17, 2019, at 10:48 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  19. JamesSalerno Coolidge

    How about a haiku?

     

    Impeach the bad man

    The ends justify the means

    Evidence be damned.

    • #19
    • October 17, 2019, at 1:27 PM PST
    • 15 likes
  20. MichaelHenry Contributor

    If Trump makes The Swamp leaner; Schiff says “that’s a misdemeanor.”

    If Trump harrumphs, Schiff says “treason”; all Dems agree, ’cause it’s the silly season.

    If Trump is against abortion; Dems say “That’s extortion.”

    If Article ll doesn’t apply and scholars say so; Dems don’t care, they make it up as they go.

     

    Kind of lame, but I didn’t get my nap.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    ;

     

    • #20
    • October 17, 2019, at 1:39 PM PST
    • 9 likes
  21. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):
    Kind of lame, but I didn’t get my nap.

    I know the feeling. I received a phone call in the middle of mine.

    • #21
    • October 17, 2019, at 2:12 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  22. Bill Nelson Member

    Johnnie Cochran won.

     

    • #22
    • October 17, 2019, at 3:28 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  23. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Bill Nelson (View Comment):

    Johnnie Cochran won.

    With a sandboot jury, not with the United States Senate.

    • #23
    • October 17, 2019, at 3:32 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  24. Percival Thatcher

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Bill Nelson (View Comment):

    Johnnie Cochran won.

    With a sandboot jury, not with the United States Senate.

    Johnnie Cochran won because O.J. drew a jury that couldn’t spell “DNA.”

    • #24
    • October 17, 2019, at 4:52 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  25. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Percival (View Comment):
    Johnnie Cochran won because O.J. drew a jury that couldn’t spell “DNA.”

    I wouldn’t say he “drew” such a jury. His lawyers managed to get such a jury empaneled.

    • #25
    • October 17, 2019, at 4:55 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  26. Percival Thatcher

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):
    Johnnie Cochran won because O.J. drew a jury that couldn’t spell “DNA.”

    I wouldn’t say he “drew” such a jury. His lawyers managed to get such a jury empaneled.

    “Draw” as in poker.

    • #26
    • October 17, 2019, at 4:59 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  27. Arahant Member
    Arahant Post author

    Percival (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):
    Johnnie Cochran won because O.J. drew a jury that couldn’t spell “DNA.”

    I wouldn’t say he “drew” such a jury. His lawyers managed to get such a jury empaneled.

    “Draw” as in poker.

    In poker, you don’t get to keep drawing until you get a twelve-of-a-kind flush.

    • #27
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:01 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  28. Barfly Member

    JamesSalerno (View Comment):

    How about a haiku?

     

    Impeach the bad man

    The ends justify the means

    Evidence be damned.

    Too good. RT.

    • #28
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:07 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  29. Barfly Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):
    Johnnie Cochran won because O.J. drew a jury that couldn’t spell “DNA.”

    I wouldn’t say he “drew” such a jury. His lawyers managed to get such a jury empaneled.

    “Draw” as in poker.

    In poker, you don’t get to keep drawing until you get a twelve-of-a-kind flush.

    No, he means Judge Ito let the defense team draw it with a crayon.

    • #29
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:08 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  30. TBA Coolidge
    TBA

    Impeach, for Hunter has been wronged; quick, before his dad gets schlonged! 

    • #30
    • October 17, 2019, at 5:13 PM PST
    • 3 likes
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