Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
Beto: the Kang Candidate
I have long suspected that Beto O’Rourke is an alien, and not the kind that merely comes from another country, but one who may not even be from this solar system. His presidential campaign, after all, is a strange and almost parodical pastiche of exactly how conservatives have parodied the extremes of liberalism for years. It’s as though all he knows of being an “Authentic American” came from a battered bootleg copy of Jack Kerouac, and all he knows of campaigning is what he learned some 20 light-years out as the faint broadcast signals of the late 90s reached his starship, and the only one he could pick up cleanly was Rush Limbaugh’s brief TV run. Plus an early Simpson’s Halloween special that he misunderstood as a training video for his species.
How else does one explain Beto’s outbursts and truly bizarre proclamations? They’re not the sort of thing a sane and rational Democrat would actually say out loud and in public even in these crazy times (even if they were thinking them). Most politicians have at least some inner-monologue filter that prevents them from appearing honest or emotional, and they normally only disable that filter if they think nobody is listening (which is a foolish assumption anymore because somebody is always listening, somebody always has a voice recorder and video camera handy in the form of a phone). Romney’s “47 percent,” remark, Hillary’s “Basket of Deplorables,” Obama’s “Bitter Clingers,” and ¡Jeb!’s entire primary bid was all well-remembered political gaffes, not political triumphs, but one suspects Beto does not quite understand the context, and thus misses the lesson.
Already Beto bears an uncanny resemblance to Otto, from A Fish Called Wanda (Link here, language warning), reading the news and the signs of the times, but not understanding any of it. And so it was that after decades of the Democrat Party insisting that its drive for gun control and registration was only about safety, and would never ever pinkie-swear lead to confiscation, what does Beto say?
www.ammoland.com
He wasn’t supposed to say that out loud! You never say anything like that out loud! You don’t say that unless you’re hoping to lose, and lose bigly. And if you’re hoping to take out a few others in your party too. I can imagine that after that debate the burly guys in white coats were waiting with the happy juice, but (since Beto is not actually human) it did not take. One would think that angering gun owners (about as single-issue a voting block as Pro-Lifers, and always tetchy since leftists are always singling them out) is something the Democrats want to avoid doing in a national election, given how motivated they are as voters. But not Beto. The filter is missing, and so is the understanding. About what one would suspect if he were either a fool or (as I am now convinced) a space alien.
After all, for his next act, Beto had to take a swipe another rather tetchy and under-siege voting group: Christians. One of the most overused arguments against religious objections to Same-Sex Marriage and the militant expansion of trans-rights everywhere was that such objections were unwarranted. Just as the Democrats have always sworn that they weren’t really going to come after gun owners, so too had they sworn that they would never ever pinkie-swear come ofter religious organizations, and certainly not ever after churches. Obama, of course, went and did just that, but at least had the courtesy to try to claim that schools, hospitals, and charity organizations were not valid (and therefore protected) religious expressions because they were not actual churches. Beto (aka Kang) has no such subtlety or filter.
Every one of my progressive friends: Nobody wants to do that
Beto: Hell yes we’re going to do that. https://t.co/Ncix2Vl0Jk
— Michael Brendan Dougherty (@michaelbd) October 11, 2019
Yes, Kang has flat-out demanded that religious institutions toe the political line or lose their tax status as non-profit institutions. At that same town hall, other candidates only hinted that they would demand churches to share their politics, and Beto, being a space alien, instead just blurted it out.
Beto O’Rourke on religious institutions losing tax-exempt status for opposing same-sex marriage: "There can be no reward, no benefit, no tax break for anyone … that denies the full human rights and the full civil rights of every single one of us" #EqualityTownHall pic.twitter.com/tjwVGqv5h0
— CNN (@CNN) October 11, 2019
I am convinced that Beto cannot actually be human. No human Democrat candidate would say this aloud. But a space alien would. In the 1996 Treehouse of Horror episode of The Simpsons, the final short story, called Citizen Kang, showed space aliens kidnapping Bill Clinton and Bob Dole, then the presidential candidates, and assuming their identities in a bid to take over and enslave the earth. Kang, in disguise as Bob Dole on the campaign trail, blurts out:
Only a space alien would think first to say “abortions for all”, and so I’m expecting that to be Beto’s next act. After all, only a space alien would also have clearly said “Hell yes, we’re going to take your AR-15”, and only a space alien would say out loud that churches had to voice a totalitarian party line or else be treated as a mere business (remember: the Dems don’t think businesses have any speech rights). It’s either that, or Beto just doesn’t want to be the Dem nominee. But I think he desperately wants it. After all, Citizen Kang is a training video:
So if (God forbid) he gets the nomination, or (even worse) wins the elections, don’t blame me. I’m voting for Kodos. After all, it is a 2 party system.
I don’t even know if he could get elected again in El Paso after his latest stunt.
Which they are.
Or, worse yet, Rigel VI.
I like @skipsul ‘s theory better.
A small planet near Betelgeuse.
Don’t give Beto any ideas — he might decide to cosplay at the next debate and go dressed as Veena, the green Orion slave girl on Rigel VIII, and then start blabbering about emancipating the women of Orion and the Ferengi colonies if he’s elected president:
Beto’s a Furry. I’m sure he’d go as the Mugatu.
What’s all this about Rigel? Do we know it has eight planets? Jack Vance posited the “Rigel Concourse” of 26 planets, but I don’t think we have the technology to discover that yet.
I don’t think donning greenface is verboten just yet. The cadaverous zombie lobby is still shunned by the wokesters. Though Adam Silver might soon become their spokes…thing. At least once the ChiComs let go of his leach, er leash.
That would leave Liz and Bernie to go to the debate dressed as the Space Hippies…
(Too bad that de Blasio’s not still in the race — he would have made a perfect Gorn.)
I’m not voting for Kang or Kodos. I’m voting for Lord Garth, Master of the Universe( Formerly Garth of Izar). He is more restrained in his speech and governance compared to the Democratic candidates, and he has a military background ( Having been a Starfleet captain and a hero of the Battle of Axanar).
I’m hoping he chooses Zaphod Beeblebrox as his running mate to reassure the moderates.
Got one from a more recent century?
Government is the Left’s religion.
I don’t know — I mean, he blew up Marta. That doesn’t seem to show a good sense of judgment on Garth’s part…
.
There is only one leader for these troubled times.
I go Pogo.
If you made that into a sign or bumper sticker, it would be the “ I go Pogo” logo.
I think he’s just decided to go down in flames and try to normalize the positions in our political discussions. As said above, it will become more acceptable to say these things up until they get passed in a bipartisan way because Republicans are gutless.
We can also look forward to the “A conservative case for gun confiscation” and “A conservative case for abortion” articles in conservative magazines.
It gets worse. If you were to put large numbers of these signs around lower Manhattan, and the signs included a politically incorrect drawing or hand signal, you would be committing an “I go Pogo” logo Soho no-no.
This explains it – Beto is a furry AND a space alien. ref Earth Girls are Easy
It gets worse. If you included an image of John Lennon’s widow….
…You’d be committing an “I go Pogo” Yoko Ono logo Soho no-no.
(I KNEW I should have remembered to take my meds…)
Coming back to this, I really must object on behalf of the aliens.
We, er, I mean they don’t want Beto pinned onus, er, I mean them.A preview of the 2020 Trump vs. Beto Presidential Debate:
He hates his wife, right? I mean, that’s the only explanation for why he continues to run a campaign when his support struggles to crack 2%. He’s avoiding being home and getting nagged to do all the domestic stuff that he’s been able to skirt for years and years. It’s not out of principle, obviously. Most rich guys whose careers are on autopilot use golf to avoid the wife and kids. This guy, through some next-level genius trolling, has gotten other people to pay for his adventures that keep him out of the house and away from the mundane tasks like emptying the dishwasher or reading to the kids before bed.
Not accurate. The Gorn at least has a spine.
Let’s see. Rigel IV would be Diogenes; Rigel 6, Fiame; and Rigel VIII, Hardacres.