You Know What They Say About “They”

 

Most of my pet peeves have to do with words and their use, misuse, and abuse — though baseball caps worn backward irritate me too. Give me a few more years and I’ll probably let my inner Kowalski run free, but so far I’ve kept him pretty well in check: I’m generally a live and let live kind of guy.

The use of the third-person plural pronoun “they” in reference to a single individual has always stuck in my craw. Saying “he or she” isn’t so hard, and has the virtue of grammatical correctness. Anyway, that’s what I thought, until I bothered to look up the use/misuse of the word in this context.

If the precedent of historical usage counts for anything — and it counts for quite a lot, where words are concerned — I have to give this one up: since at least the 13th century, people have been using “they” when they mean “he or she” but either don’t know the sexual specificity or don’t want to waste breath communicating it. I may be lexicologically cantankerous, but this isn’t the wild west and I’m no cowboy: if the law says “they” works, then “they” works. Let it go.

At least, that’s what I figured, until it struck me that saying “he or she” has the virtue, beyond simply being grammatically squeaky-clean, of rubbing the noses in gently communicating to a modern “woke” audience the truth that there really are only boys and girls, men and women. I’m willing to spend a couple of extra syllables to drive that point home, even in contexts where it’s completely beside the point and of no interest to anyone but me. So, even though I could use “they” to mean “he or she,” and do so feeling completely exonerated by its rich and ancient pedigree, I’m not going to, because we live in an era when people need to be reminded of even the simplest and most obvious truths, lest they be seduced by farcical tales of gender abundance and start inventing idiotic pronouns for themselves.

Now get off my lawn.

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  1. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    Well, as a Young Person™, I can assure you that the concept has entirely disappeared from mainstream culture.

    Yeah. We know. That’s why I was happy to explain it to you. Maybe next time you’re in a stair situation with a female-type person, you’ll remember it.

    Most of the old chivalric rules had good logic behind them. It wasn’t just, “Patriarchy!”

    Thank you.

    • #31
  2. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Stina (View Comment):
    I reject your “he or she” and would rather go back to “he”. If you really must be inclusive,

    I prefer the old way, but if I have to get all PC about it I’m going with s/he. It’s ugly and inelegant, and it’s on them, not me.  I  am not going to do contortions for them. 

    • #32
  3. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Stina (View Comment):
    I reject your “he or she” and would rather go back to “he”. If you really must be inclusive,

    I prefer the old way, but if I have to get all PC about it I’m going with s/he. It’s ugly and inelegant, and it’s on them, not me. I am not going to do contortions for them.

    Fortunately, you don’t have to get all PC about it. None of us do.

    He doesn’t. She doesn’t. And–

    Well, I guess there isn’t an “and.” ;)

    • #33
  4. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Stina (View Comment):
    I reject your “he or she” and would rather go back to “he”. If you really must be inclusive,

    I prefer the old way, but if I have to get all PC about it I’m going with s/he. It’s ugly and inelegant, and it’s on them, not me. I am not going to do contortions for them.

    Fortunately, you don’t have to get all PC about it. None of us do.

    He doesn’t. She doesn’t. And–

    Well, I guess there isn’t an “and.” ;)

    I didn’t think it worth leaving my job over it. 

    • #34
  5. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Stina (View Comment):
    I reject your “he or she” and would rather go back to “he”. If you really must be inclusive,

    I prefer the old way, but if I have to get all PC about it I’m going with s/he. It’s ugly and inelegant, and it’s on them, not me. I am not going to do contortions for them.

    Fortunately, you don’t have to get all PC about it. None of us do.

    He doesn’t. She doesn’t. And–

    Well, I guess there isn’t an “and.” ;)

    I didn’t think it worth leaving my job over it.

    Fair enough. And I guess that’s the reality some people face. (The rest of us just come across as obnoxious throwbacks.)

    • #35
  6. Clifford A. Brown Member
    Clifford A. Brown
    @CliffordBrown

    Bartholomew Xerxes Ogilvie, Jr. (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    The practice of alternating “he” and “she” is one I find distracting, even jarring. I would far prefer “he or she.” Similarly, “s/he,” while occasionally appropriate in terse, businesslike writing, isn’t something I’d use: “s/he” is a non-word, and the substitution of a non-word to avoid using the perfectly serviceable “he or she” strikes me as a step backward.

    No, “he or she” seems like a relatively painless approach. Restructuring the text so that “one” works is usually an option as well. I’m sympathetic to those who simply resort to “they,” given how common the practice has become.

    Agreed on all points. The alternating “he” and “she” is distracting, in part because (rightly or wrongly) it calls attention to the fact that the writer is bending over backwards to be Inclusive and Diverse. And constructions like “s/he” or “s(he)” are abominations, not even words; if nothing else, they are guaranteed to trip up anyone who is reading your text out loud. “He or she” is somewhat clumsy, but it has the advantage of being perfectly grammatical and completely clear in its meaning. I prefer not to use it if I can avoid it, but it’s hard to object to it in cases where it’s really necessary.

    It’s remarkable, really, how often you can avoid the problem entirely, though. Much of what i write is procedural usage documentation, and in that context, it’s almost always best to use the second person. Don’t write The user can change his or her password; write You can change your password. And if you really are talking about someone other than the reader, plural is your friend: Users can change their passwords.

    Agree all. And. It would be false to label an infantry or armor battalion commander, in the real world, “she.” Yet it is perfectly reasonable to style some logistics, engineering, military police, and even air defense artillery (think Patriot) commanders “she.” I’ve worked with them over a fairly typical career. The Dallas Police Chief, “she” meets with the Phoenix Police Chief “her.” On the other hand, any men’s major professional sports team coach is “he/him/his,” except in a fictional account that is reaching for novelty.

    • #36
  7. Man With the Axe Inactive
    Man With the Axe
    @ManWiththeAxe

    Having thought about it a bit, I think it is okay to refer to Peter Sellers as “they.” And maybe Eddie Murphy. 

    • #37
  8. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Man With the Axe (View Comment):

    The singular “they” leads to less understanding. We get sentences like: “My sister walked into a lampost and they fell down and hurt themselves.” All to describe what happened to a known female. 

     

    If I read that sentence in a normal paragraph, I would have assumed by the use of “they” that both the sister and the lamppost fell down, the sister was hurt, and the lamppost was damaged or broke, though the “hurt themselves” is an odd phrasing for a damaged inanimate object like a lamppost.

    • #38
  9. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Who the hell is “they?”

    • #39
  10. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    Though, obviously, it’s important that the “he” always be placed first.

    Oh man . . . I hope you survive . . .

    I’m referring only to writing, of course. In the real world, women should precede men through doors and up (but not down) stairs. Obviously.

    Great recovery!  Smooth . . .

    • #40
  11. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    Stad (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    Though, obviously, it’s important that the “he” always be placed first.

    Oh man . . . I hope you survive . . .

    I’m referring only to writing, of course. In the real world, women should precede men through doors and up (but not down) stairs. Obviously.

    Great recovery! Smooth . . .

    Thank you. I always try to be thoughtful where the weaker sex is concerned.

    • #41
  12. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    Though, obviously, it’s important that the “he” always be placed first.

    Oh man . . . I hope you survive . . .

    I’m referring only to writing, of course. In the real world, women should precede men through doors and up (but not down) stairs. Obviously.

    Great recovery! Smooth . . .

    Thank you. I always try to be thoughtful where the weaker sex is concerned.

    Not again (forehead smack) . . .

    • #42
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