Hurtin’ for Certain

 

I stayed up most of last night, drinkin’ and smokin’. It was kind of a cheat, because I had a doctor’s appointment at 0930 this morning, so I’d arranged to do some other admin duties (renewing car registration), so I knew I wouldn’t have to haul my sorry self out of the rack until at/about 0900, and I wouldn’t be going to work, so I wouldn’t need to be at the top of my game. Cheat time.

“The lads” next door are all dive instructors and guides. The lovely and talented Mrs. Mongo calls them “the puppies.” They each have palavered their experience here in the Keys into launch pads for bigger and better things. The party last night was for Jake, who left this morning for Hawaii to be an assistant director for a dive operation out there. Jake and I are pretty tight. Jake didn’t like his life as a Crip gang member out on the west coast, did not like the things that his gang membership forced him to do. He was frustrated that the only things he seemed to have a talent for were violence and mayhem. Left the west coast and basically hitch-hiked to the Keys. Once here, penniless and homeless, he worked effectively and hard enough to become a diver, then a dive instructor, then a dive master. Then he did well enough to get recruited to a leadership role with the dive gig out in Hawaii. We’ve spent hours outside, talking about how to build a moral compass, and that there is, in fact, redemption (okay, those are my talking points, but they led to hours of discussion). His decision to sojourn to the Keys and leave the thug life behind was made instantly, when his pregnant fiancé was slain sitting next to him in a car.

Adam is a college graduate and departs soon for a year-long “audition” running a dive operation in the Cayman Islands. Maria is going with him. She started out as a one-night stand. Then she became a long-term friend, but Adam was always adamant that it was just a “friends with benefits” situation, and that there was never going to be a long-term relationship. I’ve been watching her reel him in for over a year. Now he tells me (on the DL; he’s afraid if Maria finds out, any bargaining power he may have is shot. Sucker. His single life is over, he just doesn’t know it yet. I ain’t telling him.) that he doesn’t think he can live without her. I’m pretty sure he’s sincere about that, because pulling in bumper isn’t an issue for him. Know that guy that plays Thor in the Marvel movies? He looks just like that, only probably a little more buff. So it’s not like the kid doesn’t have options.

All the four puppies are great, all of them are unique and special and a pleasure to watch learn and grow. So going to their party to say goodbye to Jake was a no-brainer, especially knowing I wasn’t going to work today. I got a note from my doctor. Whom I’ve waited far too long to see.

When I mustered out, part of my VA claim was my hip, because it wasn’t working right, and it hurt, and it had been violently dislocated a coupla/three years before I got out. Now, I think it’s a lumbar spine issue that used to only feel like the hip, but now has decided on a hostile takeover. So, girdle of pain across (as my old football coach used to say, “acrosst”), the hips, with pain shooting all the way down to my heals. On my feet, taking a big breath expands the diaphragm and causes an…inappropriate amount of discomfort. Last week, I decided “ok, go see the doc” when, while walking the dog on her SOP morning two-mile walk, I found I couldn’t take a deep (i.e., sufficient) breath, without taking a knee. Doing any kind of extended walking is putting me into an O2 deficit. Then I’m, what, panting for the next coupla hours. No Bueno. See a doc, dummy. And, because I’m passing on work, party with the puppies to say goodbye to Jake.

I established a hard out time with the lovely and talented Mrs. Mongo and we went over to hoist a few with the puppies.  Blew that hard out time to smithereens.  Fell into the rack before sunrise but after BMNT.  But it wasn’t all party, party, party that kept me up and drinking all night. I met a guy, and we talked.

I’d marked him as soon as we got into the house. Imagine looking at a terrarium full of garden snakes, and then you see, in the middle, a boomslang viper.  This was like that.  I mentally tagged him as soon as the lovely and talented Mrs. Mongo and I entered the house.  In my usual party positioning, I made sure that I was positioned so that I could see the door, and so that I could always see him.  I dunno what goes into my internal threat assessment mental software, but this dude pinged it — hard, so he bore watching.

I noticed about 20 minutes in, he was doing what I was doing; floating with the ebb and flow of the crowd, but he always had me and the front door in his line of sight. Huh.

After a while, one of the puppies asked me, “Hey, you were in the Army, right?” Yeah, for a little bit. You need to be introduced to Joe. Joe was in the Army, too! Ok.

Joe had spent six years in the Army, all of it with the Ranger Regiment.  It’s not hard to suss out poseurs and pretenders. Not hard to establish bona fides. A guy either knows what he’s supposed to know, or he doesn’t. All kinda people claim to have been special operators. Not all that many have. If I find a guy, even a vet, that’s doing some stolen valor special operations selling of wolf tickets, I’ll usually give him an option: right here, right now, do a public disclosure of what you are not, or get wheeled out on a gurney. Has never failed.

Joe passed the test. Joe also vetted me–turnabout is fair play. Apparently, I passed his smell check. Then we started talking. That dude is hurtin’ for certain. Got out of the Army, was definitely suffering from that “now I’m a civilian” dislocation. Got himself a girlfriend when he got out, same girlfriend who was at Jake’s going-away party (so hopefully this couple has some staying power). They went to a bar. They had some drinks. Someone grabbed her butt. Joe told that someone that random butt-grabbing was not acceptable, and turned back to his girlfriend. Said butt-grabber sucker punched Joe.

Joe doesn’t remember anything else. He came to from his blackout with people pulling him off of butt-grabber. And butt-grabber was a mess. Joe beat butt-grabber so hard, the EMS had to use the defibrillator twice before they evac-ed him by air.

The authorities charged Joe with attempted murder. Then offered him a plea deal, and he pled out. Fifteen months in prison. I assess that’s kind of rooty-poot. If you’re actually trying to murder someone, there should be more of a sanction than 15 months. If the person trying to murder you is a former Army Ranger, chances are you’d done be murdered.

So, I spent all night (until the birds started tweeting at BMNT) talking to Joe. He and I put down most of a bottle of Bulleit’s rye whisky. A couple of thoughts that I hadn’t had before hit me. Some about Joe, some about me.

Joe did two three-year hitches, all in the Ranger regiment. Y’know what we pay the Rangers to do? Kill people and break things. As efficiently as possible, but more equals better. Then this kid got out. No counseling, no adaptation assistance protocol. Just six years of killing everything on the objective, and then boom! Civilian. Good luck.

About 99.95% of head-shrinkers are totally unequipped to deal with a former Killer of Men. I went, on advice, to head-shrinker when I retired, and decided therapy wasn’t going to work. When you get booked for a one-hour session, and 45 minutes of that is just providing context and perspective, you’re not going to get a lot out of it. I quit. Joe quit. There needs to be something better. I don’t know what that is. Oh, and going to the VA ain’t the answer.

Something I realized last night, talking to Joe: we mistakenly co-mingle guilt with trauma. I have helped numerous ne’er-do-wells achieve room temperature. No guilt, none, ever. Joe kinda/sorta had the same experience. But that kind of activity does induce trauma. One may have done the right thing, and have no guilt whatsoever, but it’ll still leave a mark. I don’t know how to fix that.

Our military is so extruded from regular society, that when troops muster out, they have a hard time figuring out what the moral and societal calculus is, because decision-making and policy-making are so bass-ackwards of anything sane.

I cried a lot when Joe and I were talking. Mostly (hopefully) on the inside. Mostly for Joe. I’ll admit it, maybe a little bit for me. It seems extraordinarily unfair to train a guy to become a human killing machine, and then prosecute him and put him in prison for being provoked and sucker-punched and reacting like a human killing machine.

I got Joe’s phone number. Not this weekend, but next, I’ll give him a call and make sure he’s doing all right.

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  1. JamesSalerno Inactive
    JamesSalerno
    @JamesSalerno

    Nobody can tell a story like you Boss. You have a gift.

    Sounds like Joe is in good hands.

    • #31
  2. Hank Rhody, on the blockchain Contributor
    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain
    @HankRhody

    MACHO GRANDE' (aka – Chri… (View Comment):

    Can my callsign be MACHO GRANDE’?

    Just askin’.

    Sorry, that one’s taken. You’ll have to make do with ARIANA GRANDE.

    • #32
  3. She Member
    She
    @She

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    MACHO GRANDE’ (aka – Chri… (View Comment):

    Can my callsign be MACHO GRANDE’?

    Just askin’.

    Sorry, that one’s taken. You’ll have to make do with ARIANA GRANDE.

    You might be able to get away with MACCHIATO GRANDE?  Perhaps no-one would know.

    • #33
  4. Dr. Bastiat Member
    Dr. Bastiat
    @drbastiat

    Geez, Boss – really crummy case.

    First, when you punch somebody, you’re exposing that person to the risk of bodily harm.  But you are most certainly exposing yourself to the risk of bodily harm at the same time.  You’re putting your chips on the table as well.  So the injuries to Butt-Grabber were most certainly caused by his own actions.  If he had not punched someone, he would have woken up the next day with a hangover rather than multiple traumatic injuries.

    Normally, however, Butt-Grabber would have gotten a black eye.  He nearly died because he selected his victim poorly – probably through a combination of bad judgement and bad luck.  That’s still all on him, for better or worse.

    On the other hand, the response of your military friend was certainly not appropriate, as you pointed out.  You just can’t do that in civil society.

    I had a patient who ran out of his bipolar drugs (too expensive), and he went to a bar (bad decision for a bipolar off his meds).  Some jerk attempted to punch him for some reason.  My patient punched the guy back.  He’s a short, chubby drunk, so he couldn’t hit too hard, I’m sure.  But he hit the guy’s eye at just such an angle, that the guy lost his eye.  So my patient went to prison for an extended period of time.  Which is probably just, I suppose.  But my point is that he didn’t intend to really hurt the guy.  He was just angry, and sometimes when people do something stupid, bad things happen.  Really too bad, for everyone involved.

    But your friend’s case is different.  He did intend to hurt the guy.  His actions may have been conscious or unconscious, but they were not accidental.

    I’ve never been in the military, and I’ve never been exposed to the things you guys have.  Hard for me to imagine.  And it’s hard to imagine how you make those scars go away.

    One last point:  A few years ago there was a case where a common street thug saw a guy out on the street flashing money around, and after a while, the guy went back to a room in a cheap motel down the street.  It’s 2am or something.  The thug thinks, hey, easy score, right?

    Well, it turned out the guy was an undercover cop, and he was flashing money around trying to find drug dealers or something.  The cheap hotel room was a stakeout, and it was packed with cops.  The thug busts in, hoping to find an easy score, and he gets blown away by an entire SWAT team in like 2 seconds.

    The thug’s actions were wrong.  He shouldn’t have been killed, but he was.  Because he just picked the wrong guy.

    That’s too bad.  But that’s life.

    Life can be messy sometimes.

    • #34
  5. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    On the other hand, the response of your military friend was certainly not appropriate, as you pointed out. You just can’t do that in civil society.

    Doc, you’re absolutely right.  I’ve learned that I cannot get into bar fights.  And because of sucker punchers like Butt Grabber, I don’t go into bars.  Too, if I’m going to get my drink on, I’d rather be at home, cuddled up with my Kindle than at a loud, crowded bar.

    The artist in “martial artist” is there because the artist has options; submit someone before you hurt him; hurt him before you injure him; injure him before you maim him; maim him before you kill him.  If you’re really good, you know how to win a fight without fighting.

    The military doesn’t train its troops in martial arts.  The military trains its troops in combatives.  Exactly the opposite of the martial arts paradigm above.  Troops (at least in my field) are highly encouraged to train martial arts on their own time.  In fact, the military actually paid my fees so I could train on my own time.  So, I’d like to think that if I  got ambushed by a sucker punch I’d be able to have a little more control than Joe the Ranger.

    However, in a split second, muscle memory reaction?  It wouldn’t be attempted murder; the other guy would be dead.

    During my time in SF, our combatives system was the LINES (Linear In-fighting Neuromuscular-overload Engagement System).  Basically, apply as much blunt trauma to the most vulnerable places as quickly as possible.  Short out the adversary’s nervous system to the point where he cannot fight anymore.  Every technique in the LINES ends with the death of the adversary. And we drilled the LINES into muscle memory.  

    So, no bars for Mongo.

    • #35
  6. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    More on LINES.  I got the acronym wrong up above, but who wouldn’t?

    • #36
  7. MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam… Coolidge
    MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam…
    @ChrisCampion

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    More on LINES. I got the acronym wrong up above, but who wouldn’t?

    Jeez.  When just karate-choppin’ a dude won’t cut it anymore.

    • #37
  8. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    MACHO GRANDE' (aka – Chri… (View Comment):

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    More on LINES. I got the acronym wrong up above, but who wouldn’t?

    Jeez. When just karate-choppin’ a dude won’t cut it anymore.

    I know, right? Even the super cool Captain Kirk double karate chop has lost its lustre.

    • #38
  9. Hank Rhody, on the blockchain Contributor
    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain
    @HankRhody

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):
    Every technique in the LINES ends with the death of the adversary. And we drilled the LINES into muscle memory.

    Yeah, fifteen years back I picked up a Marine corps manual on close combat from an army surplus store in New Orleans.

    Main thing I learned was ‘never get into a fight with a Marine.’ So far that lesson has kept me in good stead.

    • #39
  10. She Member
    She
    @She

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    Main thing I learned was ‘never get into a fight with a Marine.’ So far that lesson has kept me in good stead.

    I was faced, many, many years ago, with the glorious vision of two United States Marines getting into a fight over little old me!  As I told in a post several months ago:

    After I’d been introduced to Mr. She’s stable of friends early in our married life, I think the next Marine I ran across was “Steve.” Steve was brought in at a very senior administrative level of Mr. She’s university, and so was considerably above Mr. She in the food chain and hierarchy.

    Steve seemed like a nice enough fellow. And, you know, Marine.

    So, there we were, one evening, after a nice dinner, and the three of us went back to Steve’s apartment (he had just moved to Pittsburgh, and hadn’t yet bought a house). Mr. She excused himself for a few minutes, and came back to find me circling the dining room table, trying to decide if my next move would be to stab Steve in the eye with the fork I was holding in my left hand, or whether I should just deliver a swift knee to his crotch and end the matter right there.

    What happened next was that I thought, for the only time in my life, and for one glorious, halcyon moment, I was going to be treated to the sight of two men (United States Marines, yet) fighting over me. But reason prevailed, and after some strong words, we left, Steve was still alive, and Mr. She kept his job. Win-win, I suppose. But, sigh, a missed opportunity and a bit of a disappointment, I’ve always thought.

    Those were the days . . . nothing else quite compares.

    • #40
  11. Goldwaterwoman Thatcher
    Goldwaterwoman
    @goldwaterwoman

    The longer I stay on Ricochet, the more knowledge I gain of subjects about which have never entered my mind. 

    • #41
  12. Doug Watt Member
    Doug Watt
    @DougWatt

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    On the other hand, the response of your military friend was certainly not appropriate, as you pointed out. You just can’t do that in civil society.

    Doc, you’re absolutely right. I’ve learned that I cannot get into bar fights. And because of sucker punchers like Butt Grabber, I don’t go into bars. Too, if I’m going to get my drink on, I’d rather be at home, cuddled up with my Kindle than at a loud, crowded bar..

    So, no bars for Mongo.

    You, and me both Boss. I broke up bar fights once in awhile. I had no desire to do that on my free time, and still don’t.  My wife and I prefer each other’s company. It’s one thing to go to a nice restaurant and have a drink before dinner, it’s another thing to go to some dive. The place that’s filled on Mother’s Day with drunks on a crying jag, or where the patrons are bitching because the watering hole was closed on Christmas Day.

    • #42
  13. MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam… Coolidge
    MACHO GRANDE' (aka - Chris Cam…
    @ChrisCampion

    Doug Watt (View Comment):

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    On the other hand, the response of your military friend was certainly not appropriate, as you pointed out. You just can’t do that in civil society.

    Doc, you’re absolutely right. I’ve learned that I cannot get into bar fights. And because of sucker punchers like Butt Grabber, I don’t go into bars. Too, if I’m going to get my drink on, I’d rather be at home, cuddled up with my Kindle than at a loud, crowded bar..

    So, no bars for Mongo.

    You, and me both Boss. I broke up bar fights once in awhile. I had no desire to do that on my free time, and still don’t. My wife and I prefer each other’s company. It’s one thing to go to a nice restaurant and have a drink before dinner, it’s another thing to go to some dive. The place that’s filled on Mother’s Day with drunks on a crying jag, or where the patrons are bitching because the watering hole was closed on Christmas Day.

    Just stand near this guy in any bar, and you’ll be fine.

    • #43
  14. kelsurprise, drama queen Member
    kelsurprise, drama queen
    @kelsurprise

    MACHO GRANDE' (aka – Chri… (View Comment):

    Just stand near this guy in any bar, and you’ll be fine.

    And be nice

    Until it’s time to not be nice

     

    • #44
  15. dajoho Member
    dajoho
    @dajoho

    Great story Boss.  6 years in Ranger Battalion……I estimate @ 8 deployments and as you said full on combat the entire time, no sittin’ around the FOB.  

    Boss Mongo: About 99.95% of head-shrinkers are totally unequipped to deal with a former Killer of Men. I went, on advice, to head-shrinker when I retired, and decided therapy wasn’t going to work. When you get booked for a one-hour session, and 45 minutes of that is just providing context and perspective, you’re not going to get a lot out of it. I quit. Joe quit. There needs to be something better. I don’t know what that is. Oh, and going to the VA ain’t the answer.

    Couldn’t agree more.  Who do we get?  If I have to explain to you everything I am talking about then I am wasting my time.  Support groups are great but they have to be organically started (see your story above – you clicked) and trust has to be established.

    As for guilt and trauma, unavoidable.  Guilt because coulda’ shoulda’ woulda’ but you got to let that go and the trauma has to be acknowledged – it happened, it sucked, and it must be dealt with.  

    How we integrate back in, make sense, and move on is as old as combat itself and we are still not good at it.  

    Call Joe – it matters.  

    • #45
  16. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator
    @Instugator

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    The thug’s actions were wrong. He shouldn’t have been killed, but he was.

    Sure he should have.

    Even had there been only a single person in the room. Someone busting in on you in your room at 2am doesn’t have your well being in mind and deserves what he gets.

    We only know what he intended because they investigated, after the fact. At the time of entry they only knew a guy was breaking in and not at all why.

     

     

    • #46
  17. Chris Hutchinson Coolidge
    Chris Hutchinson
    @chrishutch13

    dajoho (View Comment):
    Call Joe – it matters.

    Yep…

    • #47
  18. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    Update: Just talked to Joe; he’s doing well.

    @chrishutch13: passed on the Darby project and the gallant few names and addresses.

    I’m Ranger qualified, but never served in the Regiment (Thank goodness; they’d’ve booted my ass right quick), so I told Joe that these are Regiment guys that know the deal and that he should contact them just to establish comms.

    Man, these kids make me proud, felonies and all.

    • #48
  19. Chris Hutchinson Coolidge
    Chris Hutchinson
    @chrishutch13

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):
    Update: Just talked to Joe; he’s doing well.

    Very glad to hear that. Thanks, Boss!

    • #49
  20. aardo vozz Member
    aardo vozz
    @aardovozz

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

     

    Man, these kids make me proud, felonies and all.

    If only the same could be said for our elected and appointed officials.

    Thanks for the update, Boss! 

     

    • #50
  21. Mim526 Inactive
    Mim526
    @Mim526

    Boss Mongo: About 99.95% of head-shrinkers are totally unequipped to deal with a former Killer of Men. I went, on advice, to head-shrinker when I retired, and decided therapy wasn’t going to work. When you get booked for a one-hour session, and 45 minutes of that is just providing context and perspective, you’re not going to get a lot out of it. I quit. Joe quit. There needs to be something better. I don’t know what that is. Oh, and going to the VA ain’t the answer.

    Late to the post (good on you @bossmongo for looking out for a fellow special operator).  Are there SF chaplains?  Ones with a boat load of common sense for those who are up for speaking to one.  Modern medicine can do wonders, but some things need a bit more healing.

    Blessings, Boss.

    • #51
  22. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    Just thought I’d add an update.

    I talk to Joe once, maybe twice a month, just to check in.  Chatted with him this morning, to ensure that he’s locked, cocked and ready to rock for 2020.

    The brother is doing well.

    • #52
  23. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):
    The brother is doing well.

    Glad to hear it.

    • #53
  24. She Member
    She
    @She

    Boss Mongo (View Comment):

    Just thought I’d add an update.

    I talk to Joe once, maybe twice a month, just to check in. Chatted with him this morning, to ensure that he’s locked, cocked and ready to rock for 2020.

    The brother is doing well.

    Bless.  You’re the best. Happy New Year.

    • #54
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