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What Would It Take? Volume 3,758
What would it take to get you back in the pews? I don’t want an argument about the existence of God. This post is for the “fallen away,” the backsliders, the indifferent, and uncommitted who otherwise believe God is out there and takes an interest in us.
I was in that camp for better than the first half of my life. In fact, I was a pretty strident atheist, believing religion was just a way for the patriarchy to get in our underwear, blah, blah, blah…
Having kids made a difference for me. And, that was before I knew my girls had serious health conditions. Something about being responsible for the next generation gave me pause about what I thought I knew. My political conversion to conservatism and religious reversion to (cradle-)Catholicism were gradual and coincidental.
First came my intellectual assent. I know some very smart people who say faith can’t be a matter of reason. I differ strongly. I figured if it was good enough for William F. Buckley and John Paul II (and, later, when I learned about Thomas Aquinas and Saint Augustine), maybe my comparatively little mind should give it a chance. I tried on a Christian denomination (Methodist), but, while I loved the people and felt welcomed, the lack of Sacraments didn’t suit me. I needed the full immersion of my senses — smells and bells.
I ended up in a large parish with a charismatic pastor who invited me to take up Bible study with a group of ladies on Tuesday mornings. I went in expecting to be underwhelmed by the experience. I thought, “none of these (older) gals were smart enough to be engineers (like me) and, so, they must be pretty simple-minded and have a simple faith.” The experience was humbling. Sure, there are some people of simple faith in Bible study, but that turned out to be inspiring in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And there was more than enough smarts and wisdom to go around. I couldn’t even find my way through the scripture references for the first two years, let alone put it all together in a way that made sense. These ladies had it down.
However, once it did start to come together for me, my intellectual assent strengthened. The concinnity of Catholic teaching on scripture was so impressive and harmonious, I stopped doubting (although, I didn’t stop questioning) and let the Church be my authority instead of claiming it for myself. End of step 1.
Then, life happened, and my need for God became urgent. I knew we might be in for some suffering when my youngest was born and we suspected she had Neurofibromatosis Type 1 (aka the Elephant Man disease). I had no idea just how much suffering we faced, and it’s not entirely over yet. Little Miss Anthrope’s brain tumor is still growing and she starts the new medication next week to try to shrink it. Prayers appreciated.
So now I’ve moved beyond assenting to the teachings to actual faith, in the sense of trusting God no matter the struggle. Jesus didn’t promise us a walk in the park — he told us to take up our crosses. Step 2 — trust in God to keep it real.
The reason for my writing this post is an interaction I recently had with an unintentionally estranged nephew (I have a lot of nieces and nephews — we don’t talk often). He put up a Facebook post in which he showed pictures of his three boys (twelve and under) receiving the Sacraments of Initiation in a church in Portugal. He asked his mom (one of my three sisters and three brothers) if any of his aunts and uncles still go to church. He was looking for godparents. I’m the only one out of the seven of us.
He explained his reversion came about after caring for his destitute mother-in-law while she was dying of cancer. He and his wife moved her into their home and saw her through to the end. It brought home to him the Four Last Things: Death, Judgment, Heaven, and Hell. And he wanted his boys to have the faith of their fathers to help them face the inevitable. Step 3 — loyalty to religious heritage.
So, what might do it for you? I’m asking because I’m sad for my extended family (not that I doubt their salvation — that’s God’s turf) and for our civilization. Religion is hard because it makes moral demands. And because God makes moral demands, religion produces a better, stronger people. People who understand sacrifice and try to make the most out of suffering. People who are cognizant of and grateful to the faithful of previous generations. Religion provides a school of virtue, even though most every practitioner falls short at one time or another. Where do you get that in secular culture?
Why aren’t you going to church? Too busy? The kids need to get to soccer or hockey practice and who’s going to drive them? You just need a break from the hustle and bustle of work and life? C’mon. Give me a better reason.
Religious faith isn’t just between you and God. It’s a communal activity. We are formed and fortified by our time with God and each other. That’s why we have an obligation to attend church. At least, that’s what I believe. You? What would it take to get you back in the pews?
Published in General
Uh, a Pope who’s a Catholic?
I have very faithful friends whose son was involved in hockey. Ice time is “precious” and you take what you can get for practice…
They grew out of the sport and into the faith. He’s married now with a child and another on the way. She also belongs to a faith-filled family, and now they’re forming one of their own. It’s a beautiful thing. It gives me hope.
I think friendship and genuine love for one another brings people back. I have seen this happen many times. I also think it’s important to find out why they left. It’s extremely important to listen and learn. How can we keep from making the same mistakes of we don’t know what they are?
Many people want to come, but don’t because they don’t fit a particular mold. Some of the most dynamic people I know are those who have left and come back. They eventually came back because of small acts of kindness and felt love.
The Late President Gordon Hinckley, a recent prophet in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has said, and I think it applies to most faiths:
I truly believe this. We need to take an interest in people as individuals and not as potential converts.
That being said, inviting them to a church related activity isn’t a bad thing. Some people are just waiting for an invitation and have never been asked.
It’s also fine to ask questions without worrying about being judged.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. I love people and getting to know everyone. I don’t know all the answers, but I’m willing to share what knowledge I have. We are here to minister to each other and I see a lot of it happening on Ricochet.
I enjoyed the discussions when my son was interested. I even found out that I was related to John Taylor. But my wife is catholic and I feel more at home there.
LDS theology is problematic for me, but it’s hard to deny the fruits.
It’s the main problem for many people. The doctrine is the same, but our practices have changed drastically in the last few years. I do try to correct misconceptions here. I appreciate that my faith isn’t openly bashed here. I feel loved and respected.
I have learned so much about other faiths here. It has truly strengthened my own and my ability to talk about it. Thank you for your honesty.
I can’t “like” that. But, well… I can pray.
It could be both. I know there aren’t many physical churches around where they live, despite it being one of the fastest-growing counties in the US.
I hesitated a long time before liking the comment. Churches are supposed to be places of healing, but they aren’t always. And that has to hurt.
It started back in the 90’s. Jumping through hoops to get Confirmed. It’s important to understand the gravity of it, but threatening letters if you miss even one class? Even if you’re sick? Demanding reports be written in addition to classwork, maligning parents as not being involved enough? And that was just *my* church. In the diocese, it’s not uncommon for other crap to occur.
Then there’s weddings and baptisms. You can’t just get married. You can’t just have your kid baptized. You have to take classes and show paperwork. You have to fill things out. There’s a mandatory waiting period.
It’s just unreal. My fiancee and I are very much on the same page and could pass any Married Encounter weekend. As I’ve said, I think that by and large, they are a good idea, lot of people want to get married because they’re “in love”. They need the time to discuss the reality of married life. But the idea that you can’t sit with a priest and discuss readiness and just get married sometime because there’s a mandatory waiting period? It’s nutty. There’s nothing in the bible about a waiting period. Same for baptisms. Same for communion.
It’s just all nutty. There are more rules to exclude people than programs and interest to bring people in. I’m not interested in being in some fancy exclusive club that shames me for not adhering to the minutiae of the by laws.
I should add our experience of suffering has been pretty profound. If I didn’t have the Faith to try to make sense of it, I don’t know…
LMA and I went to Lourdes with the Order of Malta several years ago, the site of the Marian apparitions witnessed by Saint Bernadette and dozens of confirmed healings in the waters there. It wasn’t God’s will that LMA should be physically healed. That’s something we’ve had to accept, which has also been a lesson in patient trust.
A casual friend and acquaintance through the children’s choir (and mother of ten) went on the same pilgrimage with her husband. She’d been diagnosed with colon cancer. She’s doing fine and we’ve gotten to know each other better through summer Bible study in the park. She once explained she thought her struggle with cancer was necessary for God to get through to her. It stunned me to think someone so faithful needed additional tempering by such suffering.
But, after processing her words, I’ve thought the same about our situation. God knows what we need to become the people he made us to be. For some of us, it seems, that includes a lot of suffering. But, we have become more compassionate and Mr. C and I have grown closer through our experience and by witnessing the suffering of others at Children’s Hospital. We’ve learned the importance of being present to each other through the trials of life. Our ability to be there for others has become second nature.
Just show up. It matters.
It does matter. I have had a difficult time making it to church because of extensive health issues. I’m improving every week. My goal is to make it to the most important meeting of the week. Sacrament Meeting. We repent and renew our covenants with God. There is a deep peace that comes. Especially being strengthened by other members of the congregation, who are making the same promises.
The hardest part of church is practicing the things I have learned. Keeping the Sabbath Day holy isn’t the easiest commandment. Putting Christ at the center makes it easier to do the right things. The closer to God we become, the more we become like Him.
My suffering has made it so that I rely more on God than anyone else. He makes it possible for me. My life is richer because of the suffering. Like Paul, it’s a thorn in my side that won’t be removed.
Jesus Christ suffered so that He could succor us. We suffer so that we can draw closer to God and His Son and know how to minister to each other. Jesus Christ is the One Perfect Example.
Sorry to hear it, do you mean at Mass? I’m curious b/c this hasn’t been much of an issue for me, and I live in the ultraliberal S.F. Bay Area.
It could be partly b/c so many of our priests were imported from overseas, mainly from Nigeria, Mexico, and the Philippines. Their accents may be hard to understand at times, but they tend to be more orthodox and seldom mention politics of any stripe in their homilies.
Yes, self discipline and delayed gratification are key in religious practice. That’s how people and societies are improved by it. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
So poignantly profound that it should be posted in every school room/psychotherapy waiting room on the planet .
Seems like such a low bar, and yet . . .
First step to get people to church, invite them out. It is easier to check out a new place when you are with someone you trust.
When they get there, what are they going to hear?
And then, people want to walk in the faith, not just talk about it. The church needs to offer something more than sitting in pews listening to someone else talk. Be doers of the word.
We can still adhere to the Deposit of Faith, even if he doesn’t…
This is exactly right. We have ordinary members give talks in church. There is usually one youth speaker and two or three adults. There is usually a musical number by the choir, groups, or soloists. Usually accompanied by the piano or organ. Occasionally, we have a harp, violin, or piano solo. It breaks up the talks.
We hope that when you come that you feel welcome and that you feel the Holy Spirit. We also take the Sacrament. The Sacrament (communion) is first and the speakers follow.
I think what I would like to see is more of members who do service work elsewhere (like soup kitchens, etc) organize a small group of volunteers from the church to help in those places.
It helps the people who don’t know where to start or are timid to get out there and start serving their community.
That’s the description of a Sunday service. We have activities set up so that we are serving in our communities. When there is a natural disaster or similar situation, you might see people wearing yellow t-shirts or vests that say, “Helping Hands”. That isn’t a designated group, they’re local congregations helping out. There is a lot of invisible service going on around us.
If you don’t know how to help, there’s a great website called JustServe.org. You type in your zipcode and it will pull up the nearest organizations that need volunteers. It’s operating in Canada and the United States. It’s open to anyone and offers all kinds of opportunities for one person or a group.
If you need help with something like yard work, just grab a pair of missionaries. They’re always happy to help out. Missionaries are always looking for service opportunities. They will be happy to help. If you don’t want to hear the message they have to share, they will respect it. Rejection is part of missionary life. :)
Yep, I am supposed to be doing the drafting as a virtual consultant to a church in Palo Alto which needs proof of an “accessible route” being possible to its small new columbarium. I didn’t need to know its theology and don’t normally even peek much into what a client’s business is, but in this case I wanted to know more about a site condition. (They already have a labyrinth and I think future installments of columbarium extensions need to relate to it and was getting my courage to make that suggestion). So I found their website. They are doing many good things, I’m sure…but I was really taken back by something that referenced their plans to protest the problem of the “Concentration Camps” at the border. Good grief.